A private affair
by StardustRoad
Summary: When SHIELD tells him that he isn't the only survivor from the 40's; Captain America gathers his courage, and returns to the crash site where he was found; much to his surprise, he finds something unexpected. A diary is a private affair, so why can't Steve stop reading it? And is it possible to have a history with someone you have never met? WHO is this Hel? Discontinued
1. The assasin

**Authors note:**

Hey everyone reading this. (Dramatically waving my hands to the computer) This the first chapter in my fan fiction called "Story of my life" It is about the Avengers, but it will follow one of my own creations, causing the first few chapters to be without them. I know, I'm sorry (On my knees begging for forgiveness, my friends starring weird at me) This is my first fan fiction ever, so I am sorry if it's not a masterpiece. So here we go with chapter one.

Enjoy (I hope)

Prologue:

She was absolutely horrified, how was this possible!? She always knew that she was different, an alien from outer space, but this!? This was too much for her to bear. As she held the wounded woman in a tight grip, she felt a tear fall from her eye. This woman was not going to make it; she knew this as she saw the deadly wound from a sword form in her ribcage. Her tears fell free now, she saw this woman close her eyes and she felt her own heart crack, and when she heard the dreadful sound of the woman taking her last breath she knew that her heart had broken.

Chapter 1: The assassin

The year was 1918; an Asgaardian woman was running for her life in the middle of a forest in northern Germany. In her arms she carried her newborn daughter, and behind her she could hear the assassin getting closer. She did not understand why anyone would want to assonate her daughter, but she did not need to know. All she cared about was getting her to safety. The assassin was gaining in on her and she had to face the fact that she could not escape in time. Confused and in a hurry she managed to find a hollow tree with a small opening. The tree was small, but just big enough to hide a baby infant in it. This broke her heart, but it was the only option left to do. The woman carefully, but quickly cast a silence spell on her little infant daughter before tucking her in, and hiding her in the hollow tree. This silence spell was carefully stuffed in to a lullaby.

_Hush now my baby, please do not cry. _

_This tree it will you contain._

_Hush now my baby, even if I die._

_In silence you must remain._

The woman prepared herself for the worst when the assassin slowly approached her.

"_Where is the child" _he said with a dark voice that made her shiver.

"_Show yourself and I might tell you"_ she answered with uncertainty in her mind, though her voice showed no trace of it. The assassin didn't answer for a while, he was clearly thinking about her words. Then he finally stepped in to the light and slowly revealed his face, with a wicked and evil mischievous smile he eagerly waited for the woman to respond, and judging on the look on his face she could see that it was the reaction he had hoped for. The woman's mind was racing a hundred miles per hour. She knew this man, and she knew him well. She was searching for the right thing to say:

"_How could you do this!?"_

_"I thought we were friends!" _

_"This is not the way you treat family!"_

She wanted to say all of these things and more, but the only thing she could manage to muster out was one little word.

_"Why?" _she said, her voice filled with sadness.

_"Wh…why would you do this?"_ she repeated her voice cracking over, and tears streaming down her face, leaving marks on her cheeks. She was on the verge of crying tears of blood, and if it had been physically possible she would have. She felt hurt, and betrayed, and her heart literally ached.

_"Why does anyone do anything?" _The assassin asked sarcastically, throwing his arms dramatically in the air.

"_ I really don't know"_ She had regained control over her voice that now fumed with anger.

_"To gain power"_ He stated.

_"Power!?" _She asked her voice filled with sarcasm "_How can you possibly gain power from killing my daughter!?"_ The anger that filled her, was now beginning to take control.

_"I'm not going to tell you" _he sang teasingly, annoying her out of proportion.

_"Not that it matter"_ He continued more serious.

_"You will never tell anyone"_

_"What makes you think that?"_ She knew the answer, but she wanted to hear it from him.

_"Oh, I think you know"_ I he simply stated.

And with that he drew his weapon, and pointed it at her. Ok, that was it! Family or not she had to defend her child. Only armed with a knife she prepared herself for the greatest battle of her life.

She fell hard on the ground and the assassin was over her wounded body in an instant. As she lay there wounded she looked at the snowflakes falling from the sky. She had fought bravely and hard, but in the end his power was too much for her to handle.

_"Are you ready to tell me where the child is?"_

_"Not even if you tortured me!"_ she answered, her voice dripping with anger. She would have thought the assassin would kill her in that instant, but instead he laughed.

_"That was a __**very**__ brave thing to say" _he said more serious with a little more strength on the word "very". In an instant he had pulled her from the ground and twisted her arms to her back, and he now held her in a tight iron grip.

_"I __**Hate**__ bravery"_ he then proceeded to twist her arm even more, until a nauseating sound could be heard from it.

**"Crack!" **And sure enough, the arm had broken. A cold blooded scream escaped her mouth, which made him throw her back on the ground where she landed hard in the cold icy snow. Just when she thought it couldn't possibly get worse, the worst thing imaginable happened; in the instant she collided with the ground her powers stopped working, which only could mean one thing.

The assassin turned around at the sound of a baby crying, it came from a nearby tree, so he started whacking them all down with his battle axe until, sure enough a beautiful baby was revealed screaming in one of them. The instant he picked up the infant, he heard the wounded woman scream with anger.

"**_NOOOOO!"_** She also screamed his name swearing that if he hurt her daughter, he would answer to her husband. This did not scare him; her husband would never expect his own brother doing anything like this. And he may be a worthy component, but he knew that he would end up defeating his brother, due to the fact that he would most likely be blinded with anger.

_" why would I even bother" _he said with a mischievous voice.

_"You are too wounded to even walk" _while he said that he approached her, and with a loud bang, he hit her legs with the back of his war axe causing her bones to break. This caused her to scream terribly loud, and when she finally quieted down he talked again.

"_This infant is going to die, no matter what you do, but I will give you a choice."_

_"What choice?"_ She managed to push the words out, despite her teeth grinding.

_"I could decapitate her with my battle axe"_ He said, now holding the child only by the ankle. Keeping the axe dangerously close to its neck.

**"NOOOOO!"** She screamed not taking her widened eyes of her baby making the assassin laugh.

_"Well that leaves us with option number two" _He said still holding the baby at the ankle, and looking at it like it disgusted him.

_"Freezing to death"_ With these words he dropped the baby, letting it fall hard in to the snow. The woman stopped screaming, and she stopped crying. Giving him the most scaring look he had ever seen, and with a stone cold voice, she spoke the words that would haunt him for the rest of his life.

_"This child will not die today" _She said pausing for dramatic effect.

_"This child will grow up, and become strong. Stronger than you ever could imagine, and when she is at her strongest age." _The assassin looked at her laughing at the remark, though he really was just a little bit scared at her way of sounding so sure.

_"The day will come where she will reunite with her father, they will eventually find out the truth about you, And they will have their revenge. The day will come where everything you've done, all your betrayal every evil menacing plans you have ever made will come back to you, and you will get what you deserve. And when that day comes I wouldn't want to be you. Because that day will be the day of your death. " _With these words she passed out.

The assassin laughed at her little remark, he hated that she could sound so sure, but he didn't reply, she was passed out after all, so he just left trying to forget her dying words. He was so lost in his own thought while leaving, that he didn't even notice the little glimpse of light coming from the woman's hand signaling that she had just casted a spell.

* * *

><p>Authors note:<p>

So that was chapter one, what did you think? Was it any good? Please let me know.


	2. Hydra

Chapter 2: Hydra

Authors note:

Here is chapter two of my Avengers fan fiction. Don't kill me, but there are no Avengers yet. But fear not! (Sitting on a white horse holding a sword in my hand) It will come soon. Also "Loke" is how Loki's name is pronounced and spelled originally. When I say "Originally" I mean like in Norse mythology, and everywhere in Denmark. :D

On with the chapter!

* * *

><p><em>"Doctor Zola!?" <em>

_"Doctor Zola!?" _

_"Where are you? You useless little…" _He was cut off by the very person of subject.

_"I am right here, sir." _Doctor Zola was standing right in front of him. He was smiling though he actually was frowning on the inside.

_"Any news on the location of the tesseract yet?" _

_"No, sir."_

_"Grrrrr!" _Johan growled feeling very impatient.

"_What is taking so long!?" _

_"Now calm down!" _Zola tried.

_"It's not that easy when we have nothing to work with, and I am afraid that we are at a dead-end."_

_"A dead-end!? That is impossible!" _Johan was furious. He hated when things did not go his way. Doctor Zola did expect some sort of anger outburst, but he still took a step back in surprise.

"_W... we need…" _He stuttered _"We need something more powerful if we want to find it. It will be impossible without some sort of help." _He was really trying to stall the news he eventually had to give. After all he was trying to tell Johan Schmidt that he couldn't have something, and that was a lot like trying to disarm a bomb; one little slip and he would be dead.

_"Doctor Zola, would you please get to the point?"_

This was it, now he would have to tell him. There was no gentle way to say it, so he dreaded the outcome. "_Here we go," _he silently thought to himself before bursting out with what he had to say.

_"S...Sir," _he stuttered, still afraid."Unless_ we get help from an Asgaardian, we will never find it." _Doctor Zola prepared for the worst, but he didn't get it. Johan was just about to explode when a loud noise was heard from outside. They both quickly forgot everything they had been doing and rushed to the window to see what was going on. What they saw was a rainbow colored pillar appearing from the sky, hitting the ground somewhere in the forest. Doctor Zola was slightly scared looking at this. It looked an awful lot like the descriptions of the Bifrost from Norse mythology, but it couldn't be, could it? He looked at Johan, who definitely seemed to think so. He had the widest smile Doctor Zola had ever seen on him glued to his face, and his eyes sparkled more than Christmas lights in the month of December.

"_Not without the help of an Asgaardian, huh?"_ He asked Zola, still smiling like a child in a candy store. He didn't wait for an answer before speaking again.

_"Let's go, Doctor Zola, we are losing daylight." _While saying this he headed for the front door where his car was parked out front. Doctor Zola followed suit after him. They entered the car and in a blink of an eye they were on their way to find out what had landed in the forest.

When they got to the place where the rainbow colored pillar (He still refused to call it the Bifrost) had appeared they looked around trying to find some sort of clue or something that could help them figure out what the rainbow colored pillar was, but all they found was a synched stain in the grass. There was no one anywhere.

"_Now what?" _Zola said in a hopeless voice looking up at the cloudy sky.

_"It's getting dark, sir; maybe we should just give up?"_

Almost at that second the rainbow colored pillar appeared again in the distance.

_"Do I have some kind of superpower!?" _ Zola thought to himself, surprised that every time he spoke about giving up the rainbow pillar appeared.

"_Nah," _He continued. _"It is just a crazy coincidence." _

Johan started running towards the trees where the rainbow pillar had appeared, forcing Zola to follow. While they were running, the rainbow pillar disappeared again, but they kept running until they were standing at the exact same spot of where it had been. He looked around for something that was out of the ordinary, but he couldn't find anything; Johan on the other hand did find something.

A couple of meters away were a clearing in the forest. At first it didn't look as much, but Johan approached it anyway. As the little dog Zola was, he followed his master into the clearing and true as he was standing there, something was out of the ordinary, **way** out of the ordinary.

* * *

><p>The woman could feel the presence of two humans as she was lying there in the snow, her arms and legs in unnatural positions, and her heart broken. All she could think about was her baby, her beautiful baby daughter. As long as there was blood running in her veins, she wouldn't let her daughter be hurt. She watched as her daughter was picked up by a one of the men. She carefully examined him as he did her daughter. He was tall, taller than the little man beside him, his eyes were dark, almost completely black, and she didn't like the way he smiled at her daughter, his eyes were taken off the baby and on to her, their eyes locked on to each other in a split second, before he started shifting his eyes between looking at her child, and looking at her, Suddenly he gave the child to his "little" friend and started to walk towards her.<p>

* * *

><p>Zola stood with the baby in his arms examining it. She had the most adorable emerald green eyes, and the little hair she had was a beautiful black. He shifted his eyes over to the wounded woman on the ground. He couldn't hear what she was talking with Johan about, but he could get a clear picture of how she looked. Apart from the legs and the arms being broken in a disgusting way, she was actually really beautiful. She had long golden hair braided down her back, and her eyes were crystal blue, making him think of the sky. Even though she had been beaten and bruised, she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen in his life.<p>

"_Doctor Zola, did you bring my sword?" _ Johan suddenly asked him breaking him out of the trance her beauty had put him in.

_"Ye...Yes of course"_ He answered confused, "What did he need the sword for?"

Zola drew the sword and handed it to Johan, holding the baby with only one arm.

"_You should know that if my husband finds out about this, and he __**will**_,_ you are in big trouble!"_

_"Oh I don't think he _will,_" _Johan replied taking the sword from Zola's hands and much to Zola's shock and surprise he swung the sword over his head and forced it through her ribcage.

"_Let's go Doctor Zola, we have a baby to take care of," _He said to Doctor Zola starting to make his way over to the place they parked the car. The baby was crying loudly and Zola was in shock.

_"Bu...Bu…But…" _He stuttered looking at the dying woman on the ground, blood from her wound coloring the snow around her from white to red, the sword not removed from her body.

_"But what?" _Johan asked with a scary stern voice.

_"Well_,_" _Zola thought to himself.

Better not do anything to upset him, "_I could be the next victim!"_

_"Urhhhggg, uhhhm…" _he said, how should he save this one?

"_Hmm, _**BINGO!"**

_"What shall the child's name be?" _He asked, satisfied with himself for that last minute idea.

_"Well,"_ Johan answered. _"She is a girl."_

_"And my son is named after my favorite Asgardian, the god of mischief, Loke, so maybe it would be an idea to name her after Loke's daughter?" _Johan said smiling, taking the infant baby out of Zola's grasp and in to his own arms.

"_What was her name again?" _ Zola asked embarrassed that he had forgotten.

"_Come on Doctor, you can't tell me that you forgot the name of death?" _Johan answered saying the words "Name of death" with sarcasm in his voice.

_"I am sorry sir, but I have."_ Zola was not just a little bit scared of Johan Schmidt, he was terrified of him. He was always on the war path, and Zola always had to be careful of what he let out of his mouth.

_"My new daughter's name is Hel."_

_"Oh yeeeeaah, that's right," Zola_ said with realization in his voice.

Johan looked at Zola like he was a dumb child.

_"Her name is Hel, and don't you ever forget." _

They didn't speak all the way home, but they both knew that this child, this sleeping child in Johan's arms, was their one and only chance of ever finding the tesseract.

* * *

><p><strong>Two months later in Asgard:<strong>

A tall Asgardian man was standing in a graveyard looking down at the two tombstones before him. He was clenching his fists really hard, and tears were streaming heavily down his face. The two tombstones had different sizes, one large and one small, his wife's tombstone and his daughter's. On the larger tombstone his wife's name was engraved with golden letters. The man kept looking at the words angrily and sad, almost as if he looked long enough he would understand or accept it.

"**Died in childbirth"**

His wife had always been so strong mentally and physically, so he just couldn't wrap his head around the fact that childbirth could take her life.

He moved his gaze upon the smaller tombstone. The name of his daughter was engraved with silver letters.

_"All for nothing," _he sighed sadly to himself, looking at the letters spelling the cause of death. The one word used on that tombstone haunted his nightmares at night and continued through the day. The word constantly echoed in his head.

**"Still born"**

He couldn't help but feeling that if he had not gone to war or returned home when he had gotten the news of his wife's pregnancy, both or at least one of them would still have been alive today. He was so lost in thought that he didn't even notice his younger brother approaching him.

"_Are you alright?" _His brother asked him, snapping him out of his trance. He turned around to look at his younger brother for a second before turning to look at the tombstones again, flowers covering the ground around them as a thick beautiful blanket.

"_No of course not,"_ he answered nearly above a whisper.

_"But I will be," _he continued, trying and failing to toughen up his voice.

_"Eventually," _he added.

_"I hope."_ He cried in his mind, not saying the last remark out loud.

He gave his brother a halfhearted smile.

"_I just can't believe that this is happening. Now if you will excuse me, I can't stand being here one second longer."_ With these words, the grieving Asgardian man bid his younger brother farewell, and left his wife and daughter's tombstones unable to stand the pain of being there any longer.

When he had left, the younger brother smiled an evil menacing smile looking down at the tombstones with pride. He then swung his battle axe behind his back and the assassin left the graveyard.

* * *

><p>Authors note: In case I didn't write this the way I wanted, this last part was the woman and child's father in Asgard who thinks they died this way, and his younger brother was the assassin. I know, no Avengers! Sorry:( The next chapter is going have a lot of Captain America though!:D (Bowing expecting applause) Please let me know what you think :D Good or bad, I don't care. (If it's good: Jaahy! If it's bad: I really need a grammar Nazi :D )<p> 


	3. Unpleasant memories

Chapter 3: Unpleasant memories.

Authors note:

I don't have much to say about this chapter, except maybe "**Aww yeah! Captain America time baby" **Yes I know I'm weird, learn to live with it, it's all in good fun. :D Also this story takes place shortly after Thor: The dark world.

* * *

><p><em>"There's no time!"<em>

_"Steve"_

_"I have to put her in the water "_

_"There's time, please! We'll work something out"_

_"I think I'm going to need a rain check on that dance"_

_"Ok, but don't you dare be late"_

_"Peggy" _

**CRASH!**

Steven Rogers woke up from his nightmare screaming:

**_"Peggy!"_**

He sat up in his bed completely disoriented, his mouth was dry and he was covered in sweat. He had a wild look in his eyes, and he was clenching his fists so tight together that it was hurting him. Every night since he woke up in 2012 he had had the same terrible nightmare about the day he crashed. All of his dreams, every thought, and every single minute of the day were about her, his Peggy. He had loved her so much that it was painful to think about, yet he couldn't seem to stop thinking about her. Love was a terrible curse, a curse that he hated and loved at the same time. Love made people feel grateful and happy, but love also made people feel sad and miserable. Right now, love made him feel miserable, and unhappy. Steve remembered Tony stark telling him that the only way to forget the past was if he found a new girl to "_Crush on"_ as he had put it, the only problem with that plan was that Steve didn't want to forget the past; he didn't want to forget "her" He was absolutely sure that he would never fall in love again.

He still remembered Peggy as if had just seen her yesterday: Her long curly chestnut brown hair, her deep brown eyes that was so easy to get lost in, and her smile. The smile that could make him melt as if he was made of butter. It was painful for him to know that she was gone, gone forever.

Steve checked the time on the clock sitting on his nightstand _"05:03" _it was a little bit early, but as good a time as any to get up, chances for him to fall asleep again were slim anyway so he got out of his bed and headed for the bathroom.

His bathroom was small, but it had everything he needed. S.H.I.E.L.D had offered him a very nice apartment in the much richer part of town, but he had respectfully declined the offer claiming that it would be to "big" an apartment for just him. Though that was actually true, his real reason to why he had declined the offer lied in the fact that the technology they had there "scared" him. Not the "OH PLEASE HELP ME MOMMY I'M SCARED" lying under the bed kind of way, but more like the "I'm too scared to touch anything, what if it explodes?" kind of way. The only things he had grown accustomed with, was the television and the telephone, but only the ones attached to the wall. Steve recalled an embarrassing episode he had with Stark not too long ago.

_"But it doesn't really look like a fruit at all"_

_"That's just the name of the company, you know? Like, my company's name is "Stark industries"_

_"Oh.. Oh, ok. So, how does it work?"_

_"You push that button right there"_

_"Ok?"_

_"That's good, and then you slide to open"_

_"Stark, I don't expect you to know this, but I can't dance, and I can't see how that has anything to do with making a phone call"_

_"Ste...Steve…" _He remembered Tony say between laughs.

_"That is not what I meant! Boy you kill me sometimes grandpa" _

_"Maybe we should just give up, I'll NEVER learn this"_

Up until this day, Steve still had no idea what had been so funny, and he wasn't so sure that he wanted to know.

He stepped into his small shower, and started the water letting it run down his warm and sweaty body. He had this strange habit of showering in cold water after a nightmare, and he had no idea why, but cold seemed to have an easing effect on him, it always had. Before the Peggy nightmares, it had been nightmares about his parents' death, and sometimes the nightmares were about Bucky, the scared eyes on his face as he was falling to his certain doom were still haunting him. His technique to free himself of these haunting nightmares had always been cold water, and the occasional alcohol intake, but… since the procedure with the super soldier serum he had been unable to get drunk, so he was left with only the cold water to rely on. He couldn't say that it helped as much as getting so drunk that you won't even remember your own name, but… It was better than nothing. Alcohol was never the best solution anyway, and with this new technique all he had to worry about was the enormous water bill, he got every month. He wasn't the only person who couldn't get drunk. According to Darcy, Thor couldn't get drunk either, and he needed it just as much as Steve did. Steve couldn't imagine how painful it must have been for Thor to take down his own brother. Stabbed in the back by his own brother like that must have hurt a lot more than anything Steve had been through. He really admired Thor for acting so joyful and happy all the time, everyone would understand if he was angry or sad, or even smashing everything near him. But no, Thor always had a smile on his face and he was always nice to everyone. Even agent Clint Barton who mostly spend all day finding creative new ways on how he could have killed Loki, and the writing them all down in his little black book Steve had named his book of death.

Steve stepped out of the shower almost looking like a raisin for being in the water for too long. As he got dressed, he thought back to the time when they had defeated Loki. Thor had told them that Loki probably would get locked up in the dungeons Asgard had reserved for the most wicked and dangerous of criminals. Of course neither agent Barton nor agent Romanoff was happy about this decision. They wanted him dead, and Steve didn't blame them, but he didn't agree with them either. He actually thought that the punishment that Loki had gotten fit the crime perfectly.

When he was fully dressed and ready for breakfast, his phone rang. He wasn't surprised to find out that it was S.H.I.E.L.D who was in the other end, but he was surprised to hear what they were calling about.

_"What is it now Fury? Another alien attack you want me to deal with, or do your daughter need help with a history assignment on World war II again?" _Whoa where did that come from? Steve seriously thought that he was slowly turning in to a new Tony Stark.

_"No Captain Rogers, even though that help you gave her last time resulted in an A+"_ He heard Fury answer.

_"Then what's the matter Fury? You sound like you have just seen a ghost"_

_"I might very well have Captain Rogers"_

_"Huh? Where are you Fury?" _Steve was confused, he had only now started to notice the weird sound in the background Steve had learned was the sound of wind blowing. It sounded like he was outside in the middle of a terrible storm, but when he looked outside his window the sun was shining beautifully.

_"A group of S.H.I.E.L.D agents was picked to return to the crater where you were found. We needed to investigate the HYDRA technology to see how evolved it was" _He heard Fury say with a worried voice.

"_But along with the HYDRA weapons and bombs, we found something far more interesting" _

_"What do you mean?"_

_"Captain, do you remember anyone else being on board the HYDRA ship other than Schmidt, and the suicide bombers?"_

_"Do you mean like prisoners or something?"_

_"Yes! Yes exactly like prisoners"_

_"Not that I know of no" _Steve answered confused.

"_Why do you ask?" _

_"Captain, we need you to come down here" _When Steve looked out his window, a limo was parked in front of his front door.

"_Is that going to be a problem for you?"_ Fury continued sounding a little bit more collected.

_"No I don't think so?" _Steve glanced at the limo again.

_"But why do you need me to return to that awful place?"_ He was answered with a total silence; only the sound of the storm could be heard from the other end of the line.

_"A prisoner was found in the shipwreck"_ Fury finally answered.

"_So?"_ Steve sighed; he really didn't care at the moment.

_"She..." _ Fury went silent again, what could be so hard to tell him that even Fury had a hard time doing it?

"_Would you please get to the point Fury?"_ Steve said.

_"I'm losing my patience here"_

He heard Fury taking a deep breath, and then he said it. The words that made Steve collapse confused on the floor. The words that shocked him so much that he was left breathless, unable to speak.

_"She… She's still alive"_

* * *

><p>One limo ride, a painfully long flight and a long walk in the snow storm later, Steve was standing in the S.H.I.E.L.D base located near the plane crash. His head was spinning, and he was more than a little anxious.<p>

_"We are planning to take her back to New York to thaw her out, but we would very much like to know if you could identify her first" _Fury said as they were walking towards the place where she had been temporally stored. He had gained his normal state of mind again, his voice as scary as it always had been.

_"Listen Fury, I don't think that I know this girl" _Steve's voice was a little bit less calm than Fury's, but who could blame him? This was far scarier for him than any super villain he had ever fought. To think that in a couple of days, he would no longer be the only one from the forty's, stranded in the 21th century. The thought alone brought a smile to his face, but I also made him sad. He felt very sorry for the poor girl; his life had been ruined by it, and now her life would be ruined too.

They came to a stop, and Fury gestured Steve to enter a door with the words "No entry" written on it with big red letters.

Inside the room, was a large refrigerator looking box with a huge ice cube inside. Inside the ice cube was a body, undoubtedly the woman he had come all this way for. There were almost hundreds of lab workers and scientists' circling around her and tons of lab equipment was filling the room everywhere. Screens with ratings, weird sounds and bleeps, everywhere he looked. He felt like he was in some kind of weird horror movie, and he couldn't help but wonder if it had been the same scenario when they found him. Let me rephrase that, he **knew** that it had been the same scenario when they had found him, possibly worse since that this time it had been seen before.

_"__**Make room!"**_ Fury shouted, making all the scientists disappear through another door. In a matter of minutes they were completely alone with the mysterious body.

_"Tell me if you recognize her"_ He continued, giving him some time to collect himself.

Flashbacks of every bad thing that ever happened to him started to flash his mind: His parent's death, Bucky's face when he fell off the train, the conversation he had with Peggy right before the crash. Had this woman heard that conversation? Why hadn't he noticed her? He was now close enough to the cube so he could see her. As he studied her face, she seemed familiar to him. Her eyes were closed, but if she had worn a flag themed dress and a blond wig, he would have recognized her right away. Realization hit him like rock, he knew this girl from movies and dance shows, but not personally.

_"There is absolutely no doubt" _He told Fury, looking amazed at the unconscious woman.

_"It's American Dream" _

_"Who exactly is American Dream?" _ Fury asked.

_"After I stopped being a "Show girl" and actually joined the real American army, they needed someone to replace me"_ Steve told him.

_"When they did, it didn't work out because the children got angry knowing that he wasn't me"_

_"What are you getting at?"_

_"They decided that they had to come up with something new, but still not quite so different"_

_"Huh?"_

_"Howard Stark finally came up with the idea of making a female version of me. A woman could not only get through to the children as Captain Americas wife" _Steve frowned and thought briefly of Peggy while explaining that part.

_"But she would also have an effect on the men, something I didn't have" _ He thought back to the last day he had as a "Showgirl" getting stuff thrown at him, the girly remarks, even the part where someone flashed his butt at him. He was so glad that those days were over.

_"So you are telling me that this woman was a showgirl?" _Fury seemed confused, and why wouldn't he be? Steve was too.

_"There must be more to the story" _Steve answered looking at the girl with a sense of wonder in his eyes.

_"I agree, she couldn't have survived seventy years in an ice cube if she was just a human being, we were going to check for super soldier serum in her body when she wakes up, but I remember you telling me that it's all gone"_

_"Yes it is, I was the first test subject that didn't get a serious skin condition" _Steve was surprised to hear himself joking in a situation like this; he was really worried that he was slowly turning in to a Stark.

_"She could be a mutant?"_ Fury offered.

_"Well maybe, but we can't be sure"_

_"Which brings me to the reason that we brought you here?"_

_"Yeah, I thought you didn't just bring me to identify a body"_

_"You are a very bright "Young" man, Captain"_

_"Well not so young as people might think"_

_"Well no"_

_"So what do you need me to do?" _

_"We need you to comb the plane crash for anything that might be useful in finding out whom or what this young woman were/is" _

This confused Steve just a little bit.

_"Why can't you just use your agents for this kind of mission? I mean it seems kind of basic"_

_"One would think so, but not actually. You have been on this ship before, and you come from the time period of which this woman comes from. Furthermore you knew Red skull, so you might be the only person who knows what could have belonged to Red skull and what could belong to her"_

_"Oh… I think I understand now"_

_"That is good soldier"_

_"So when am I leaving?" _Steve felt anxious to go back there, but there was no way in hell that he would let this woman wake up to a world full of strangers asking her questions about who **she** was. He would rather go back there, and find out who she was himself.

"_In about an hour"_ Fury answered with a smile.

"_Sounds good to me"_

None of them spoke to each other as they left the room in silence, Fury probably knew how hard this was on Steve, and Steve was too busy trying to calm down. Fury didn't notice, but Steve almost felt like he'd been hit by a truck.

* * *

><p>As Steve was standing there in the ship, ice covering up everything around him, he couldn't help but wonder what story the surviving woman had to tell. How did she survive the crash? How did she survive 70 years covered in ice? And the most interesting question Steve had trouble figuring out: What was she doing in the Hydra ship in the first place? And how did he not notice that there was someone else onboard the ship?<p>

_"Have you found anything yet?"_ Fury's voice interrupted him. Steve picked up the walkie-talkie where the voice had come from, and turned it off. Fury would probably be furious, but Steve couldn't care less at the moment. All the awful memories connected to this place were too overwhelming for him, and the last thing he wanted at that moment was to deal with Fury. Steve wasn't sure what exactly it was that he was looking for, so he just decided to look for anything out of the ordinary.

One hour passed in the cold, two hours, and finally three whole hours passed by, and still Steve found nothing. At this point he was so cold, that he thought that if he stayed just a little longer, he would turn in to a "Captain Popsicle". The only thing Steve wanted to do at that point was to get out of the cold, and never go outside ever again, but there had always been a certain stubborn streak about him, he refused to leave before he found something he could use to identify the woman. Angry cold and frustrated, he pounded his fists on the ships control panel, accidentally pushing a big red button causing a small "Click" sound to be heard from under the control panel, Steve immediately calmed down. Curious and hopeful, he checked under the panel to see if something had happened, and to his surprise a secret drawer had popped out of its hiding place. Steve put on a wide smile thinking that he might have found something he could use.

Inside the drawer, Steve found three war tag necklaces, and a small black and green book with the words "Story of my life" engraved on the cover with golden letters. Steve started with checking the war necklaces for names.

The first name didn't really mean anything to Steve as he read it: "Joshua Williams" He hadn't heard the name before, but of course he couldn't know every single one of the American soldiers. The next name he **did** know, or he had heard the last name before. "Brandon Stark" He remembered Tony telling him that his father "Howard Stark" had a brother that died a mysterious death. Maybe he was killed by Hydra? Steve picked up the last necklace, and when he read **that** one, his heart skipped a beat: "James Barnes" He did know James Barnes, or as he called him: "Bucky". Steve started to get more and more curious as the evidence piled up. He finally picked up the black and green book, turning the first page over. A photograph was glued on the page; he recognized Bucky and his sister dressed up as you would when taking a family photo. Howard Stark was embracing Bucky's sister, and a tall ginger haired man was smiling looking at a dark haired woman embracing a child. He recognized the dark haired woman as the ice cubed woman who survived the plane crash. There was something written down under the picture, he noticed that the handwriting was female.

_"Joshua, Anne, Bucky, Howard, Maria, and me" _

This was it; this could very well be a lead of who this woman was, it seemed to be some kind of diary. If he gave this to S.H.I.E.L.D they would probably get a lot of agents to read it and that would be a huge violation of her privacy. He stuffed the book and the necklaces in his backpack, and then he left the place as fast as his legs could take him.

* * *

><p><em>"What happened? We lost contact with you, did you find anything?"<em> Fury was… well "Furious".

_"I know that you lost contact, I turned off my communicator"_ You could say a lot about Steve, but at least he was honest.

_"Why did you do that?"_

_"The memories got too overwhelming, and the last thing I needed was a lot of voices telling me what to do"_

_"Oh"_ Fury answered with a surprisingly understanding voice.

_"Did you find anything then?"_ Fury sounded excited.

Steve firmed his grip on his backpack clenching his fists very hard.

_"Listen Fury" _He began.

"_I found"_ He paused again.

"What did you find?" Fury sounded very optimistic.

"_Nothing"_

_"Wait what?"_ Now Fury sounded confused.

"_I found nothing"_

_"Are you sure?"_

_"Does a lot of ice count?"_

_"No...No of course not"_

_"Then I found nothing. I searched the place completely, but there was nothing."_

_"Oh, oh ok then. Your plane leaves in an hour soldier"_

_"Thank you Fury and good luck bringing the woman to New York"_

_"Thank You Captain, have a safe flight" _

Steve was half way out the door when he stopped to look at Fury in the eyes… well "eye".

_"Don't worry I will" _Then he smiled and left the building.

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><p>Authors note: Ok so maybe Steve wasn't so <span>honest<span> after all huh? Please review, and tell me how I'm doing. :D


	4. A diary and a booty call

**Chapter 4: A diary and a booty call.**

Authors note:  
>This will just be a short chapter with a lot of dialogue. I don't know if I managed to capture Tony Stark's personality right, but this is how he is in this chapter. Oh yeah and P.S: just in case someone would actually think like this I DO NOT OWN "The Avengers" OR "Google"! I really don't know why anyone would think that. (Also i have used the word "War tag necklaces" I really don't know if that is grammatically correct, if not i'm sorry. :D<p>

On with the chapter:

* * *

><p><strong>Back in New York:<strong>

"I can't believe that you called me all the way over here, to make me Google something for you"

"I know, and I'm sorry, but it's kind of important"

"Listen Steve, you have got to stop with the Google booty calls"

"I know, and I will. As soon as I have learned how to use a computer"

"Oh no, brace yourselves for the Google booty calls"

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing, I just don't think that you're the kind of guy that would ever learn how to use a computer"

"You got a point"

Steve was standing in his living room with Tony Stark. Tony was packing out a laptop from his backpack with a smirk on his face, maybe Stark always complained when Steve had to call him over for technology help, but it was obvious that he enjoyed every last second of it. Tony loved showing off his tech skills to anyone, so when he got the chance of showing off his skills to a guy from the 40's, that was an opportunity he just couldn't pass. Even a worn out three year old Nokia would impress this guy, so the possibilities to show off his technology were endless.

"So what do you need me to Google? A guide on how to use a coffee machine perhaps?" Stark was always kidding around; even at his own death bed he would probably make a joke about looking like pulled pork or something.

"Can you find anything about American Dream?"

"American Dream? Sure, buy a house, get a wife, have some children?"

"No no no! Not that kind of American Dream, I mean the showgirl from the 40s!"

"You called me all the way over here so you can drool over some woman!? You do realize that they have magazines for that kind of thing now"

"Huh..? Wait WHAT!? Heeey!" Tony had actually managed to make Steve blush, and not just a little bit, Steve looked like an oversized red tomato.

"That is not why I need to "Google" her" Steve tried to explain, but the damage was already done, Tony would never let this joke go again, not ever.

"Fine whatever, so why do you need to find out anything about her, Casanova?"

"Has Fury told you anything about the girl they found by the crash site where they also found me?"

"Yes he have, something about her still being alive, and her identity missing?"

"Yes exactly"

"And you think that the surviving girl might be this "American Dream" girl?"

"Well they do look a lot alike"

"Well as good a shot as any" Tony sighed and started typing on the weird device he called a "Laptop"

"It doesn't really say much, just that she replaced you in the show business world and… Wait… wait here is something interesting"

"What!? What!? What!?"Steve knew that he sounded like a kid in a candy store, but he really didn't care. He really wanted to know.

"Are you sure that you want to know?" Tony laughed.

"Come on Tony, just tell me!"

"Ok ok, Geez." Tony gestured for Steve to look at the computer screen.

"It says here that she one day mysteriously disappeared"

"Look at the date of her disappearance; it's the same as when I crashed in the HYDRA ship"

"Well that makes sense"

"Can you find some kind of photo of her?"

"Uhhh Steve, are you sure that you're not"

"NO! I'M NOT! SO SHUT UP AND FIND A PHOTO!" Maybe Steve sounded a little harsh, but he refused to be called perverted.

"With or without…" Steve starred Tony down before he could finish his sentence. Tony sighed, and found the photo.

"WOW" Tony said as the photo appeared.

"She is REALLY beautiful"

Steve had to agree with Tony on that one, though it did make him feel a little bit guilty admitting that someone besides Peggy was beautiful.

"So, is this her?"

"Huh? What?" Steve seemed to black out every time he thought about Peggy.

"Is this our ice cube princess?"

Steve examined the photo more carefully, comparing it with the woman he had seen trapped in ice. After a lot of examining he finally decided.

"There is no doubt; this is the same woman as the one from the plane crash"

"Great, can I go home now?"

"Sure you can, just one more thing"

"Name it"

"Do you recognize the name "Brandon Stark?"  
>Tony's smile faded when Steve said that name.<p>

"Wh…Why do you want to know?" He asked Steve with some uncertainty in his voice.

"Because I might have found something that belonged to him"  
>Steve was sure that this would make Tony talk.<p>

"He was my uncle; there was something about him being a total jerk. How, where, and what did you find!?" Tony sounded worked up; if Steve had been more mischievous he would have known how to take advantage of the situation, but he was far too nice to ever pull something like that off.

"Yesterday, the plane crash, and this" Steve answered showing Tony the tag with the name "Brandon Stark" on it.

"I thought you didn't find anything" Tony said, sounding very surprised, and curious.

"Yeah, I lied" Steve smiled at the memory of lying to Fury.

"Are you crazy!? Lying to Nick Fury!?" Steve couldn't tell if Tony was serious. He was yelling, but he was also smiling.

"I guess I am" He answered him with a smirk.

"I Am So Proud Of You."  
>Tony was laughing, so he wasn't serious after all.<p>

"Do you think that the necklace is somehow connected with the woman?" Steve asked him.

"What..? Why would you think that?"

"I found it along with her diary"

"You found her diary?"

"Yes I did"

"Well"

"Well what?"

"Did you read it?"

"What? NO! Of course not! What kind of person do you think I am!?"

"The kind of person that respects a woman's privacy so much that he would lie to a guy like Nick freaking Fury, so hundreds of S.H.I.E.L.D agents wouldn't get their hands on her diary!"

"Huh?"

"That was why you lied wasn't it?"

"Well"  
>Steve wasn't even sure that that was the reason. When he had done it, he was actually thinking about Bucky more than he had thought about the girl. Why did HYDRA have Bucky's tags? Why did they have Brandon Stark's? And who was Joshua Williams?<p>

"Listen Steve, you did the right thing."  
>"I did?"<br>"Sure you did, S.H.I.E.L.D would probably have published it as a book or something crazy like that"  
>"Don't you think that you're overreacting just a little bit?"<br>"Oh yeah? Have you ever heard of Anne Frank?"  
>"Not really, no"<br>"It was this girl who lived in the 40s. Many years after her death, someone found and published her diary"  
>"Well that's not very nice"<br>"No it's not, but do you even realize the opportunity you have here?"  
>"No I really don't"<br>"If you had given that diary to Nick Fury, he would probably had gotten more than one S.H.I.E.L.D agent to read it right? And you know that a lot of these agents are more or less "Heartless" "  
>"Of course I know that. Would you get to the point Stark?"<br>"Sure, here it is: In that diary is the answer to that woman's identity, don't get wrong I think it's wrong to read another person's diary, but I think that at least ONE person should do it, and you are the most obvious choice, being from the same time period and going through the same stuff you know?"  
>"WHAT!?"<br>"Just you and only you"  
>"And why do you think that would be such a great idea?"<br>"Well, this person needs to wake up to a world where at least one person knows who she is, and how she's feeling, the most obvious choice would be you because you can understand her pain in a way no one else can, going through the same stuff"  
>Steve thought about Tony's words, he did not know if he agreed with his point of view, but he really respected him for it.<br>"Tony I… "  
>"I don't expect you to change your opinion, but would you consider it?" Steve had never heard Tony Stark talking seriously, and never had he heard such wise words escape his lips.<br>"I think you need to get some sleep"  
>"Why?"<br>"You don't sound like yourself Stark"  
>"Oooh, Burn" Tony laughed.<br>He had already packed his laptop, and was heading for Steve's front door.  
>"Well, goodnight Captain Sissy Pants"<br>"Goodnight Stark"  
>Tony left the apartment, and closed the door behind him.<br>"Well, I better get some sleep too" Steve said to himself as he headed straight for his bed, threw his head on the pillow, and let the sleep take him away to dreamland.

* * *

><p>Authors note: So that was chapter four, short and weird huh? Well I'm always weird so…<br>Anyway, someone has told me that (apparently) "Brandon Stark" is the name of the little kiddo from "Game of thrones" (the guy with the crows). I just want to say that it was totally NOT intentional, and I'm sorry, truly, really (Well, not really actually) sorry. (No I'm not) Yes I am. (Not) am. (Not) YES I AM ACCEPT IT! (No I won't) If you would excuse me I have to go argue with myself. Have a nice day, and remember to leave a review.


	5. Steve and the diary

**Authors note: I am so sorry for the long wait guys; this chapter will be extra-long to make up for it.**

So I read this fanfiction from "GothicFanficWriter123" called "A mischievous affair" you guys should check it out:D As far as this chapter goes, I would like to apologize beforehand. This will be a tough one to read, and believe me when I tell you that it was even tougher to write. I am not a cruel person, I just want you to hate Red skull as much as possible. Enjoy the chapter:

* * *

><p>Steve was trying to reach Bucky who was hanging from the side of the train. He accidently looked down, and the high altitude gave him nausea; the only thing on his mind however was how to save Bucky; to save his best friend. Steve had never been this afraid in his whole life, not even when all those scientists stuffed him into a machine and used him as a lab rat. There was no way that Bucky was going to die today. Steve wouldn't allow it.<p>

"Bucky, take my hand!"

"Steve" The peace of metal Bucky had been holding on to, detached itself from the side of the train. The scared look on Bucky's face was the last thing Steve saw before Bucky fell down.

"BUCKY!"

* * *

><p>Steve woke up from the nightmare with wide and scared eyes, so he hadn't gone to dreamland after all. Why did (as Thor would call it) the mare of night always haunt him? He was sick and tired of all these idiotic nightmares. He looked over at the clock on his nightstand: 03:05 that was far too early to get up. He noticed that something else was placed on his nightstand.<p>

"I refuse to read it" he said to himself, and turned his gaze away from the diary.

"Don't get me wrong I think it's wrong to read another person's diary, but I think that at least ONE person should do it" Tony's voice were echoing in his head. Was he right?

"Of course not! What am I thinking!?" Steve was arguing with his own conscience; he really felt tempted to read that diary.

"This person needs to wake up to a world where at least one person knows who she is, and how she's feeling, the most obvious choice would be you because you can understand her pain in a way no one else can, going through the same stuff" Why couldn't Tony just stay out of his head? Why could these thoughts not leave his mind? He kept arguing with himself until he found a solution.

"Just one page" he told himself as he picked up the diary. He hated himself for letting Tony's words get to him like that. He turned to the first page, and started to read:

* * *

><p>If anyone is reading this, I might be dead, and I might have been for a very long time. In this diary I have written the story of my life. This diary is my way of cheating death; you see, during our lives we all create our own unique story. A story filled with happiness and sadness, laughter and grief. Every single one of these stories is valuable and unique in their own special way. Every single one is fantastic and remarkable, but very few of these amazing stories are remembered after we die. This is where this book comes in; I simply refuse to be yet another forgotten story in the bookshelf of life. I have written my story in this diary with the faint hope that many years from now, my story will be found. I wouldn't say that my life has been very "ordinary". I would go as far as say that you would have to look a very long time to find a story quite like mine.<p>

* * *

><p>Steve had read the whole page more than once now, he really wanted to continue, but his conscience wouldn't let him do that.<p>

"She wrote that she wanted someone to read this" a voice that sounded a lot like Tony's echoed in his head.

"Many years later" Steve told himself, as he looked down on the diary in his hands.

"70 years isn't enough?" He asked himself; still looking at the mysterious diary. That was it; Steve was done arguing with himself, he opened the diary again, and started reading.

* * *

><p>Chapter 1: As any adult, I have once been a child. Not like any child, my father hated me; I was just too blind to realize it. This is not the words of an angry girl; this is the truth, and to prove it, I am going to dedicate this chapter to my childhood. Something you should know about me is that my father's name is "Johan Schmidt". He is now however known as "the Red skull". He is the head of HYDRA, which is a secret division working for Hitler. Johan Schmidt is a vicious and evil man with ridiculous ambitions, and a terrible blood lust. He is far too obsessed with Norse mythology, as you can tell by knowing my name. He named me after the daughter of Loke or as the Americans calls him "Loki. She is the goddess of death, which I don't really think suits me. You may have heard the word "Hell" before; my name is "Hel", it actually means "The gatekeeper to hell". I hate that I have to be connected with something like that, but it is something I have learned to live with. As far as my last name go; I have none. Now with no further ado; I will begin to tell you about my childhood. I have picked out some fragments, to give you an idea of how life was like, growing up as the child of Red skull.<p>

* * *

><p><strong>Age 4:<strong>

Hel was afraid, she was very afraid.

"Father, I cannot do this" she said with her somewhat British accent no one seemed to know where she had picked up.

"Don't be ridiculous" Johan answered her with annoyance in his voice.

"Of course you can; all you have to do, is pull the trigger" Hel looked down at the cute incessant puppy her father wanted her to kill.

"Why does it have to die?" She asked her father.

"Because" He said, with his German accent.

"You have to learn, to toughen up, and because that if you don't do this soon, you will have to walk home"

"But that is over 30 kilometers!" The little girl almost screamed in surprise.

"Then I guess that you need to do this" He said, looking at the sad little girl.

"I am going to count to three, and if that puppy is still alive by then; you will be in big trouble young lady"

"One" He began.

"Two" Hel was very scared now.

"Thre…" BANG! A gunshot could be heard. Hel was crying hysterically; she was covered in blood from head to toe, except for the stripes on her cheeks, made by tears. The remains of the puppy was scattered everywhere, and Hel was on her knees, too weak to stand up because of the crying. The same two words kept escaping her mouth again, and again, and again.

"Forgive me"

"Forgive me"

"Forgive me"

"PLEASE forgive me"

"Let's go" Johan said, making his way over to the car.

"What about me?" Hel cried, looking at her father with very scared eyes. Johan laughed, and knelt down to Hel's height, placing a hand on her shoulder.

"My dear daughter, you are covered in blood" He said to her with a baby voice.

"You wouldn't want to get blood all over daddy's car would you?" He removed his hand, got up and walked towards the car.

"You don't mind walking home, do you?" He asked her, not even looking at her. Hel just stood there dumbfounded waiting for him to turn around, and tell her that he was kidding, but that didn't happen. She followed the car with her eyes, until it was out of sight. She was four years old, she was covered in blood, and her father had left her there. Scared, shocked, and crying, she picked up all the remaining pieces of dog, dogged a hole in the ground, and buried the puppy. She then started the long walk home.

* * *

><p>Steve's jaw almost hit the ground, he was surprised and shocked. As he was sitting there in his bed, gaping; he thought about the all information he had already learned about the woman so far: 1: Her name was "Hel" 2: She was the daughter of Red skull 3: She had a traumatizing memory from her childhood. Steve mentally wrote that down, and started reading again.<p>

* * *

><p><strong>Age 10:<strong>

Hel was walking down the hallway behind her brother, and her father. Johan was quizzing her about Norse mythology, like he always did when time had to be killed.

"What is the god of thunder called?"

"That is quite easy; his name is Thor"

"What is his wife's name?"

"Sif" Hel was answering all the questions correctly and very quickly.

"Very well" Johan said with a smile.

"Let's kick it up a notch"

"Odin has an adopted son; what is his name?" Johan asked her in a tempo which applied a lot of stress to Hel.

"Loke or Loki, it really depends on where you live" Hel answered in the same speed as the question had been asked.

"And he is the god of?"

"Mischief" "He has a nickname"

"Silver tongue"

"His wife's name?"

"Sigyn"

"His lover?"

"Angrboda"

"How many children does he have?"

"Two with Sigyn three with Angrboda, and one with a horse"

"The three he had with Angrboda; what are their names?"

"Fenrir, the midgaard worm, and Hel"

"What is Hel the goddess of?"

"Death"

"And what is her husband's name?" Hel stopped; she didn't know the answer to that last question. She knew so much about Norse mythology; she was even training to be specialized in the Loki family tree, but the fact that Hel Loki-daughter was married, had completely slipped her mind. She searched her memory for answers, but nothing came to mind. She was left with only one option; guessing. Which one of the Norse myths would be brave enough to marry this ruthless beast of a woman she was named after? There was really only one person that she could think of, and without even thinking twice she just blurted the name out.

"Tyr!" She said; hoping for the best. Unfortunately, her father turned around to face her with an angry look on his face.

"Tyr?" He asked, clearly angry.

"Uhmm… I don't really know…. Maybe? I honestly forgot his name" She confessed, looking at her father with her cutest puppy eyes. Johan took his hand up to his face resembling what teenagers today call a face palm.

"That might be because" He said with a calm, but irritated voice.

"HE DOESN'T EXIST" He shouted at the little girl.

"HOW CAN ANYONE BE THIS STUPID!?"

"I WAS TESTING YOU; IT WAS A TRICK QUESTION!" With those words, he took the huge Norse mythology book he was holding in his hands, and threw it with all his strength at the small girl, throwing her in to a nearby wall. He then turned around again, and walked away. Hel's brother however, ran to her aid.

"Are you ok sis?" He asked her with genuine concern. Hel looked up at the tall blond boy, kneeling in front of her to reach her height; his blue eyes looking back at her green ones with worry.

"Yes… I… I am quite fine" She said trying desperately to hide her pain. As they sat there, she couldn't help but wonder why her father had named him Loke; he looked nothing like the descriptions of the mischievous Norse god she had read about in books. While her brother was strongly built, the description of Loki was that he was slim. Her brother's hair was blond and yellow, almost like the sun. Loki's hair was described black, like coal. Her brother's eyes were blue like the sea, and Loki's described green. She could go on, but it was exhausting to think about.

"Come on" He said, as he helped her back up on her feet.

"You don't want to sit on the floor all day"

"The way of speaking would probably also be different" She thought to herself as she smiled.

"He should have named him Thor" she continued, still in her mind.

"The description would fit almost perfectly; except for the haircut" "

GIVE ME THE FORMULA NOW!" Her father was screaming from another room.

"It is not finished yet Mr. Schmidt, it is a bad idea to take it" A man that could be no other than Doctor Abraham Erskine answered him. Hel had heard about his work from her father; how he was trying to create some kind of super soldier serum. It was actually quite impressive; if it worked of course. It was actually the whole reason for them to be there, her father wanted to try the super soldier serum on himself so that he could gain even more power. To be the first person to receive this kind of power was an honor, and she was proud to call herself his daughter.

"What's going on in there? Dad sounds pretty angry" Loke broke her train of thought.

"I don't know" She replied.

"I guess that the Super soldier serum does not work, so he refuses to hand it over?" She added actually sounding more intelligent than her older brother who just shook his head in disagreement.

"No, I don't think so" He said. "Then what do you think?" Hel asked him.

"I think it does work, but he doesn't want it in the hands of our dad so…"

"But his voice didn't shiver "She interrupted him mid-sentence.

"Voice? Shiver? What is that supposed to mean?" Loke asked her in disbelief.

"When people lie, their voice accidently shiver" She told him.

"Where did you get that from?" Loke laughed.

"I noticed some time ago; there are other signs, but that would require me to be able to see their faces"

"So… You think that you are able to tell when people lie to you?" He asked her, clearly not believing a word she said.

"I do not think brother, I know" She corrected him.

"Oh really?" He responded with in a cocky voice.

"Prove it"

"And just how do you expect me to do that?" She asked. He responded with a friendly laugh.

"I tell you some true statements, and some lies. If you can tell which ones are true, and which is lies; I might just believe you"

"Sure, give it your best" She smiled as she prepared to show her brother her special talent.

"I am in love with Darma from the coffee shop across the street from our house" He said with a smile; the game was on.

"That is a lie" she responded.

"Oh yeah? But that one was easy" He defended himself.

"Of course it was easy! Darma is 55 years old, she has a crooked nose, and the ugliest teeth in Germany" She laughed.

"Ok smarty; let me think for a while" Hel wondered why Loke thought it strange that she could detect a liar; she did it all the time, and it was not even that hard. She had also learned how to lie without being detected, that too was actually pretty easy; the only thing she had to do was not show the signs of a liar. She wasn't planning on telling anyone that she was able to lie like that however, that was just her little secret.

"It isn't Darma, but I do have a girlfriend" Loke said, breaking her train of thought again.

"Wow, why did you not tell me this earlier?" She asked him, surprised that Loke was telling the truth that time.

"Wow, I really didn't think that you would be able to tell that it wasn't a lie."

"Well, I actually was; now tell me who she is, do I know her?"

"Yes you do, but I don't think it's such a good idea to tell you who it is yet" Hel was disappointed that he didn't want to tell her, but she understood.

"Fine, that's OK; I won't pry if you do not want me to. Let's go on with the game"

"You really want to know what's going on, don't you?"

"It really doesn't matter; now give me the next question" Loke suddenly looked sad.

"She is pregnant with my child" He said, looking at her with a smile.

"Come now brother; of course she isn't" She was just about to respond, but then her brain kicked in, and instead she said something else.

"WHAT! LOKE WHAT DID YOU DO? YOU ARE TELLING THE TRUTH!" Hel was freaking out, and without she even noticed herself, she actually screamed at him.

"YOU ARE ONLY SEVENTEEN YEARS OLD!"

"Whoa whoa whoa, slow down little sis" Loke finally responded.

"Calm down" He said.

"HOW DO YOU EXPECT ME TO CALM DOWN!? THERE IS NOTHING THAT COULD EVER GET MY ATTENTION AWAY FROM THIS…" Hel stopped mid-sentence when she saw that her father was on his way over to them. Both Hel and Loke were gaping, their jaws almost touching the ground in surprise. Their father no longer looked human. He almost looked like a skeleton; a skull with tight skin and eyes. His nose was completely gone, and so was his ears, on top of that, his skin was no longer white, but red. Not Native American red not exhausted red, but a scarlet red. Only one word came to Hel's mind when she saw her father, only one word to describe what he looked like. "Red skull" She thought to herself as she looked at her father with a completely horrified expression on her face.

"FATHER, WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO YOU!?" She asked him with tears in her eyes.

"What do you think has happened?" Johan answered with a scary voice. His voice had always been scary, but there was something different about it now. His voice sounded even angrier, and more evil than it ever had before. The last glimpse of kindness had left his eyes. Hel desperately searched his eyes for anything remotely good, or kind, but she found nothing. As she was standing there, ten years old she realized that her father was evil beyond repair. And there was nothing she could do about it.

* * *

><p><strong>Age 17:<strong>

It was dark and cold in Denmark; the rain was pouring down from the cloudy night sky, and the strong wind was freezing. None of this seemed to bother Hel as she was standing in a puddle soaked to the bone, in front of the national museum of Denmark.

"This is utterly ridiculous" she sighed to herself as she mentally prepared herself for the mission ahead of her.

"I am risking my life for duplicates; no wait not even that; I am risking my life for duplicates of duplicates, they are not even the real thing" She said a little louder, just loud enough so Loke could hear her.

"They are exactly alike the originals, down to the last scratch" He responded in a calm and collective voice.

"It's just a silly trinket collection, why do I have to risk being caught for that?" She asked him, very irritated.

"Because he wants them, and you are the very best thief HYDRA has ever had" Loke smiled at her.

"How is your son?" she asked him, trying to change the subject.

"Nari? He's fine; he misses you though"

"Does he miss Aunt Hel? How cute"

"Yes it is; I told him that you would come to visit him soon"

"Sure, I'll look by tomorrow." She was the only HYDRA agent who knew about Nari; his mother was American, so if Red skull ever found out, Loke would be in trouble.

"Alright, I'm going in" She said.

"You go back to base, I've got this" She continued, as she walked towards the building.

"Are you sure, you're ready for this?" Loke asked her.

"Of course I am; I'm not a little child anymore"

"No, I mean; don't you need to look at a map of the building first?"

"Now, where is the fun in that?" she laughed.

"You are absolutely crazy; you do realize that don't you?"

"And you know that "Crazy" is just another name for "Someone who knows how to have fun" do you not?" She laughed as she disappeared through the thick evening fog.

"Yes I do" He whispered to himself as he turned around and left.

* * *

><p>As Hel had expected; the entrance to the museum was closed, and safely locked. However she did not break a sweat, as she opened her backpack to retrieve a little red box. Inside this box were (as she expected) some mild explosives, which she carefully picked up in her hands along with roll of duct tape she had stored in her backpack. She carefully examined the explosives before taping it to the entrance door. This wasn't the first time she had done this; it had quickly become a routine for her to steal for her father. The only difference was that this time, it was way more risky for her to use explosives. The national museum of Denmark was known for their high security, and special trained security guards. She backed up a little bit before activating the detonator.<p>

**"BANG" **

The explosives had made a nice big hole for her to go through; she smiled as she entered the museum through the hole where the doors had used to be.

"Stop right there" she heard a security guard yell at her, as she saw two men with guns approach her with angered looks on their faces.

"Oh, I'm sorry; did I disturb your coffee break?" She asked them teasingly before she knocked them out cold.

"The security rumors seemed to be false… How disappointing" She said to herself as she attacked the following security guards that all tried and failed to stop her.

"Seriously boys; isn't this getting old? I'm honestly getting a little bit bored actually" She said with indifference in her voice, after knocking out the fifteenth security guard. Gracefully and quickly, she knocked out what was left of the security guards without breaking a sweat. Except for the many unconscious bodies lying on the floor, she was now alone in the room. She was strangely strong for a woman; sometimes her brother would tell her that if he didn't know any better, he would have thought that she had superpowers. She would always laugh at that as she thought that even the thought of that was ridiculous; her strength and flexibility came so naturally to her. She found it hard to believe that other girls couldn't do what she could do, and she had also noticed that even boys were jealous of her. She had always been stronger and smarter than any other human being; she had her strength and she had her ability to tell if someone was lying. All the other children at her age had always been a little bit jealous at her, so she did not have many friends. The only friend she had were actually her older brother Loke; he was the only one she felt loved her for being her. Loke was the only person to ever show her any kindness; he was always there for her, and she was always there for him. She loved him; she even loved him more than she loved her own father, and seeing that Hel was very loyal to her father, that was actually a very big deal. Yes, Loke had a very special place in Hel's heart. Hel walked over to the tourist info desk, and pulled out a flyer with the word "What to see" written on it with big golden letters. When she unfolded it, it was a map over the museum. Hel could speak many languages, Danish included, but she couldn't seem to find the proper way to use this very simple, but complicated map.

"Great" she said sarcastically to herself.

"What do I do now?" She sighed, as she threw the flyer on the ground.

'"I guess that I would have to search the entire building, until I find them" She was just about to go through one of the hallways, when the voice of yet another security guard could be heard.

"Freeze!" He yelled with a nervous voice. Hel turned around to face him; he was pointing a gun at her, but his entire body was shaking in what Hel assumed was fear. She would be afraid too if she was him; finding twenty security guards lying unconscious on the floor, and only one of him having to stand up to the person who knocked them all out. She could imagine that he was very scared, so she decided not to make him join his friends, but instead make use of the situation. She carefully kicked her leg in a quick motion towards the man's hands, making the gun fly full speed up in to the air. She then turned, jumped, and grabbed the gun in midair, making her land on the other side of the man where she stood with the gun pointed at his head instead of hers.

"Ho… How did you do that!?" The security guard asked befuddled. She didn't answer him; she just kept pointing the gun at his head.

"Who are you?" He asked, not taking notice that Hel had ignored him.

"My name is Hel, I am the daughter of Red skull, and I am here to pick up the golden horns" She answered him in Danish, with a cold and slightly scary voice.

"He… Hel…?" He asked her; clearly surprised that she had the same name as the goddess of death.

"You will take me to the room where they store the golden horns" She answered him; lowering the gun away from his head.

"That's what you're here for?" This guy asked a little too many questions; it was really starting to annoy Hel.

"Take me to them now" She said as she looked angrily at the security guard. His blond hair was cut in a very strange way for a forty-five year old, and his blue eyes looked at her with a scared look through his thick, round glasses. He truly had a typical Scandinavian look; she thought to herself as he finally started walking, and she followed after him.

"My name is Victor by the way" He told her with a smile. Why was he smiling? She was holding him at gun point, and he was smiling, and telling her his name?

"There must be something seriously wrong with Danes" She whispered quietly to herself.

"Did you say something?" Victor asked her; still with that annoying, friendly smile.

"NO!" She snapped at him.

"Aren't you supposed to be angry, or sad, or… ANYTHING BUT SMILING!?"

"Why?" He asked her; Hel was starting to wonder, if this man lost his brain in a car accident, or something.

"Why?... Why?... I am holding you at gun point, and I am forcing you to give me one of your country's most valued historic possessions, and you are being NICE to me!? What is the matter with you?" Hel had lost her temper a little bit as she yelled this at him, and now she was only struggling to gain control again; this man was truly a pain in her ass.

"Well" Victor said as he looked nervously at her through his glasses.

"It's just copies anyway, why should I care? As soon as they get reported stolen; we'll just make new copies" Victor had a point there, but Hel still didn't get it; why was he being nice to her like that? After they had been walking for a while, Victor stopped in front of a big glass door, and started to fumble with a lot of keys, as he was trying to find the one fitting this lock. Hel noticed a sign hanging above the door: "Viking exhibition" it said with big red and white letters; the colors used in the Danish flag. She did know that Vikings originated from Denmark a couple of hundreds of years ago. Vikings were the ones who had made up the Norse mythology, and used it as a religion. The fact that someone (Her father included) actually believed in these children stories were ridiculous; who in their right mind would actually believe that the sound of thunder was the noise of the thunder god Thor's goat carriage that flew across the sky? Who would actually believe that earthquakes were made when Loki was turning and twisting in pain from torture? She thought it ridiculous, but she kept quiet; her own father actually believed in this, and that was why she had to retrieve these Viking golden horns for him. Victor had finally managed to find the right key, and unlock the glass door; he gestured for Hel to enter the room, and she did. Inside the room were a lot of interesting things; weird paintings, weapons, and strange objects. One of the rare "Ulfberht" swords, old Viking jewelry, helmets, and weapons filled the room; this would truly be a candy store for her father. None of this interested Hel however; her eyes had caught a very strange painting that somehow spoke to her.

The painting was of a man being tortured; the man was tied up to a rock with a snake placed above him; dripping poison into a bowl which a woman was holding in her hands to catch the drops before they landed on his body.

"Lokes straf for at slå Balder ihjel"

"Huh?" Victor was standing behind her; looking at the same painting as she was. He was talking in Danish now.

"The paintings name" He said; now speaking English.

"Loki's punishment for killing Balder?" She asked him; repeating what Victor had just said in Danish.

"I have never seen this painting before, but now that you say it; it does actually look a lot like the descriptions for the punishment you can find in books"

"Lokes kone" Victor said as he pointed to the woman in the painting.

"Yes I know that that's Loki's wife" Hel replied.

"Her name is Sigyn, and she's the goddess of devotion" she continued.

"The woman on the painting over there is Loki's daughter" Victor said in English as he pointed to another painting, hanging on the other side of the room.

"She has the same name as you do" He continued. Hel turned to look at the painting of her name sister; what she saw made her freeze. A very scary, skinny, and pale woman with dead eyes, and colorless lips was in the painting standing on top of a hill. The belt around her simple slim grey dress, were made of skulls, and she was holding a scepter in her hand made of bones with a human skull on the top. Why would her father ever name her after this horrible monster? Sure Hel was cold, but she wasn't a monster.

"The golden horns are in there" Victor suddenly said as he pointed to a room with his slightly chubby index finger.

"Can I go back to my donut now?" He asked her with a serious tone in his voice.

"Thank you for your assistance Victor security guard; you may be excused now" Hel answered the guard with a smile.

"Oh thank you; I really have a low blood sugar right now" Victor said, before leaving the room to get back to his pastry. Hel sighed when Victor had left; she really found him annoying. She took a last glance at the painting of the goddess of death before leaving for the room.

* * *

><p>Hel entered the room with a smile on her face; there… just within her reach, was the golden horns. She slowly approached them with a very satisfied smirk, glued to her face. Her father would finally be proud of her; he would finally acknowledge her as his daughter. When she brought this home with her; he would most definitely love her as much as he loved Loke. Hel picked up one of the golden horns to examine it; beautiful patterns and significant details were in graded in both of them. As Hel kept looking at the patterns; something clicked in her mind. She felt like it was some kind of memory, or fragments of a dream; she wasn't quite sure what it was, but she knew that it was a mix of happy and unpleasant filling her mind. Fragments of the dream kept flashing in her mind in the form of pictures; she saw a forest, a sword, a pool of red snow, and a battle axe. Her head was spinning, and her hands felt hot; very hot, too hot. She looked down at her hands, and she saw that some kind of green light had surrounded them; she freaked out as she tried to shake the light off her hands. When she finally succeeded in shaking the light off; it flew across the air, and blasted a giant hole in the wall. Shortly after that; the light returned in her hands. She threw it away again, and again, but a new green light kept taking the others place in her hands. After repeating the throwing motions for a very long time; she finally realized that the light came from her, and not something attacking her. Hel panicked, and started to run; she had to get away, she just had to. She accidentally bumped into something on her way out; a stuffed raven. Hel couldn't explain it, but she felt like it was looking at her, and judging her. The next thing she knew; the room started to grow, or did she start to shrink? She looked down at her hands; they were no longer surrounded in the green light, but they weren't normal either. Her hand was completely black, and feathery; in fact, they weren't hands anymore; they were wings. She searched around the room to find a mirror; she had to know what had happened to her. As she searched the room; her reflection caught in some shards of glass that were spread on the floor. She was no longer human; her arms were exchanged for wings, she had round black eyes, and a grey beak. She screamed when realization hit her; she had turned in to a raven, and she didn't like it one bit. As she screamed, she slowly turned back in to a human again; she could only relax for a second before chaos started all over again. She started to shrink again; this time a little bit different. She had no wings this time, but she did have paws. She turned to look at her reflection in the shards of glass again. She screamed again, when she saw that she had turned into a black cat; once again, she turned back into a human while she screamed. Once more, she only had moments of relieve before she shrunk again; this time she had turned in to a snake; a cobra to be more precise. She screamed once more turning in to a human in the process. This proceeded to happen once more; where she turned into a spider. The animal shape shifting finally stopped, and the green light reappeared in her hands again; this time with a lot more force. She accidentally blew up stuff and pushed things over as she tried to run to the corner of the room. She crept up in the corner in foster position, while she hoped that the chaos would have an end. Hel was crying heavily, and she was terrified; she was destroying everything, and she couldn't do anything about it. Meanwhile; the images and fragments from the dream wouldn't disappear. Just as Hel thought that she would explode; her memory started to play a song for her:<p>

Sleep now my baby, please do not cry.

This tree, will you contain.

Sleep now my baby, even if I die.

In silence you must remain.

The song calmed her down immediately, and she felt a strong urge to find the woman who had sung it. She sounded familiar, but Hel couldn't quite put a finger on why. The green light had disappeared, and now she just sat there; silence after the storm. As she sat there; her eyes caught glimpse of a book, It was a part of the exhibition; an old book from the Viking age. Hel lifted herself off the ground, and walked towards the book. She picked it up to examine it; it was in some strange language; runes maybe, but harder to understand. For some strange reason, she felt attached to this book; she couldn't explain it, but she had to take it with her. Hel looked around the room to see the mess she had made; her backpack and the golden horns were still in one piece, so she decided to put the book in her backpack, and carry the golden horns in her arms. When she walked out of the museum that day, she felt different; there was something her father wasn't telling her, and she had to find out what that was.

* * *

><p>Steve closed the book, and put it back on his nightstand; he couldn't help but feeling sorry for this poor woman. A childhood like that couldn't have been easy, and he felt the need to read more about her. He looked over at the clock placed on his nightstand: 04:06. Steve had a long day ahead of him, so he turned off the lights and went to sleep.<p>

* * *

><p><strong>Authors note:<strong> So that was chapter 5 guys; please let me know how I'm doing. I'm personally not completely satisfied about the part where Hel gets her super powers, so if anyone has any corrections for me; feel free to write. The next chapter is going to be about Thor and Loki, but mostly about Loki. You got me; I'm a Loki fan, I will try my best to write his character as believable as possible. As always; have a nice day, and remember that reviews make any author happier than pink fluffy unicorns dancing on rainbows.


	6. Meanwhile in Asgard

**Chapter 6: Meanwhile in Asgard:**

**Authors note:**

This is just a short, but important chapter. There is a little bit Loki, and there is a little bit Thor. There is also a little bit of the mysterious Asgardian man, who is Hel's father. (I know, I couldn't resist giving him a place in this chapter)

* * *

><p><strong>Meanwhile in Asgard:<strong>

It was a beautiful day in Asgard; the sun was shining bright from a clear sky, and the flowers in the royal garden was in bloom; giving away an almost intoxicating scent of a million different species of roses, lily pads, violets, and flower species unknown to even the very fertile earth of Midgard. The aurora in the garden was just lovely, and Loki would have been sure to enjoy it; if the circumstances had been different. As he was standing there; dreading what decision Odin would make for him; a single drop of sweat fell from his hairline, and slowly rolled down his face, before he wiped it off with the back of his hand. A month ago, Thor had defeated Malekith, and declined the throne of Asgard, and Loki had made a bet with the All-father himself. It wasn't really a bet, as much as it was a deal. Odin had let Loki disguise himself as the All-father for a month, and act as if he was the king of Asgard. In return; Odin would punish Loki for his past crimes as he saw it fit. The month was now over, and Loki had to face his punishment.

"Does anyone know?" Odin asked him with his always stern and determined voice.

"No" Loki answered him.

"No one knows that I am alive" It had been rather fun to walk around Asgard when everyone thought he was dead. Thor was still full of grief over his death, but he was the only one that was, and that saddened Loki a little bit. He did know that the people of Asgard hated him, but the fact that no one actually cared about if he was dead or alive really did hurt him. Other than that; it actually was hilarious to talk with Thor or Sif or any of the warriors three without them even knowing who they were actually talking with. He had often pulled pranks on them, or gathered information about their feelings for each other from them. One time, he had actually taken form of a very attractive Asgardian man, and then he had successfully managed to seduce Sif; only to dump her at the very last minute. That he had done to get pay back, from when she had done the same to him; only to fall madly in love with Thor when he had started getting feelings for her. Those feelings were long gone now though; he was very protective of his heart now.

"Thor must never know of this" Odin told him; breaking the silence that had surrounded them.

"I understand" He answered him; Thor wouldn't be able to take any more confusion. He had witnessed Loki die two times now, and two times Thor had to try to live with it. As much as he would enjoy watching his brother loose his mind, even he had to agree with Odin, that it might not be such a good idea to tell him.

"Have you found a punishment fit for my crimes yet? Or am I just wasting my time?" He finally asked the All-father with his signature grin pulled on his face.

"Yes I have" Odin answered indifferently.

"You will spend the rest of your life in the royal prison, with permission to go for a walk in this garden with guards around you once a week. Furthermore you will be available to help me, if I decide that I need a favor from you."

"Ooooh… What kind of favors?" Loki asked him; not really caring about the rest of the punishment.

"I do not know yet, but I want to have you available when I call for you"

"Fine" Loki tried hard, not to grit his teeth in despite; he was not just a pet that could be called for, whenever someone was feeling like it, and it angered him greatly that Odin treated him as such.

"Is there anything you want to tell me before your punishment begins?" Odin asked him; his voice was cold, but somewhere in it, Loki could detect a very well hidden sadness to it.

"Not really, no" Loki answered back, with an even colder voice.

"I have nothing to say to you"

* * *

><p><strong>Meanwhile on the same planet:<strong>

"You called upon me; is something wrong with Midgard?"

Thor asked Heimdal nervously, as he entered the Bifrost room.

"No" Heimdal answered him, with his always calmed and collected voice.

"Not yet" What do you mean by "Not yet" what is going to happen?" Thor was on the verge of a nervous breakdown; nothing seemed to be going quite his way lately. First off, there was the whole thing with Malekith; and then Loki died, which was tearing him up emotionally from the inside. If Thor got any more bad news, he would probably kill himself soon.

"There is no real danger to Midgard" Heimdal reassured him.

"Oh.. What a relief" Thor sighed, as he immediately calmed down.

"But you might be in trouble" Heimdal continued.

"WHAT!" Thor jumped.

"What do you mean by that?" All relief had left his mind.

"It is your Midgardian human "Jane" that might be the problem" Heimdal took him by surprise with these words.

"What has happened to her; is she hurt?" Thor asked him immediately.

"No… Nothing bad has happened to her"

"Then what is the problem?" Thor was almost jumping up and down; he was so close to biting his finger nails in worry. If anything bad ever happened to his beloved Jane; he would not know what he would do; he was nothing without her.

"Worry not my highness" Heimdal had finally seemed to notice Thor's worry.

"Whether or not the news is good or bad depends on you." He continued.

"Wha… What do you mean by that, my good Heimdal?"

"Tell me, my prince; what do you think of fatherhood?" Heimdal confused him; why couldn't he just tell him what was going on with Jane?

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"Trust me; it has to do with everything" Thor was really getting impatient right about now.

"Heimdal… Just tell me the news"

"Fine… But remember that you asked for it." Heimdal warned him, before breaking the most shocking news Thor had ever received.

"Jane is with child"

"Wha…?"

"Your child"

"Wha… What?"

"You are to become a father" "WHAT!?" Thor screamed in to the air, before he lost control over his body, it had begun shaking, and his head was spinning; before he even noticed it himself; he had passed out on the floor. He was going to be a father.

**Later that day:**

The Asgardian man was standing in front of the two grave stones again; he always visited them at sunset. He still remembered how much his wife would enjoy sunsets; she had always told him that it was her favorite time of day. The red and orange colors reflected on his face and on the grave stones; almost making the scenario look beautiful. It had been many years since the tragedy had taken place and he had learned to live with it, but he still grieved over them and he would probably never stop to do that. Why was it so hard? He grieved a person he had loved, but he also grieved a person he had never met, just as much as he were grieving for his wife. This man would do anything, if it could bring them back to him; he would have done anything to see his daughter grow up. He often wondered about how his daughter would have been like; what would she had looked like today? What would her personality be like? Would she be a happy woman? Would she love him? The questions were spinning in his mind as he left two flowers at the gravestones, and left the graveyard again.

* * *

><p><strong>Authors note:<strong>

I admit that this chapter wasn't some of my greatest work, but I have had a small (GIGANTIC) writers block. I still have it, but I have put a deadline on all my stuff, so this chapter will be published now. Have a good day, and remember to review.


	7. Silver-tongue

**Chapter 7: Silver-tongue:**

**Authors note:**

I am SO sorry for the slow updates; let's just say that I haven't had access to a prober computer, and leave it at that. This chapter will be a bit confusing, but I hope that it's understandable.

Enjoy:

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><p>Tony Stark's house was much too high tech for Steve. There were strange objects, bleeping lights, and bip bop biiiip noises everywhere he turned. Steve was partly scared of moving a muscle as he was sitting there; waiting for Tony to show up.<p>

"I'm SO sorry Steve, but MR. Stark will not be showing up for at least another hour" Starks new assistant was standing in front of him with a compassionate smile on her face. The woman was pretty; Steve had to admit that much. He might not understand women, or how they acted in this time age, but he wasn't stupid; he knew that this woman knew she was pretty. Her semi long blond hair brushed against her shoulders, and her haircut was set to frame her pretty face; giving away more attention on her hazel brown eyes. Her hourglass figured body had been dressed with a tight red, slightly revealing dress and her feet had been slipped in to a pair of tall stilettos. She had smothered her face with make up; scarlet red lips, and what he believed Tony had called "Smokey eyes". Worst of all was that her dress was so low cut in the back, that Steve could see that she had a tattoo of his shield on her shoulder. She also talked to him in low a pitched voice, as if she was trying to sound sexy in front of him; Steve really had to fight the urge to cover her up with a blanket, or a jacket, or any clothing would do; as long as the sight vanished from his eyes. Any other man would probably jump her, but Steve just couldn't stand shallow women. If he ever were to fall in love again, the woman would have to have the PERSONALITY he was looking for, NOT the body.

"Thank you Anna belle" He told her

I'll just wait right here"

"Ok." She slowly turned so Steve had a good look at the tattoo on her back.

"You can just call me if you need anything ok?" She continued. Steve swore; there were so many things unnatural about that sexy voice she was trying to pull off. He turned his gaze to the floor; he simply refused to look at the woman any more.

"Sure; I'll just read a book while I wait" He didn't turn his eyes away from the floor, until he heard the "Click click click" sound of high heels walking away, and the slightly bigger "Click" sound of a door closing behind her; he was now alone with all the scary technology. Steve was seriously thinking about talking with Stark about giving that woman some money to buy some REAL clothes, and not something that could have been found in a brothel where he came from. If this was what women wore now, Steve couldn't help but wonder what brothels looked like; one thing he DID know was that he really didn't want to find that out. While he waited he figured that he might as well read another page of the mysterious woman's diary. He found it in his back pack, and opened it; little did he know that this chapter would change everything he thought he knew about this evil daughter of Red skull.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 2: My life is changed.<strong>

_I thought I knew everything; I thought I knew my father; I thought I knew my brother; I thought I knew my life, but I knew nothing; not yet. This is the story of how my life was changed; how it was turned around, turned inside out. This is story of how my life truly began; this is the beginning of my REAL life; the life I would never had expected that I would live. It all began in the year of 1942; I was reading the book I had found in the museum that fateful day._

Hel was lying in her bed, as she was deeply lost in a book. It was dark in her room; she had closed the drapes, and locked the door. The lights had been turned off, and instead of lamps, candles were lit everywhere. As Hel was reading, she sometimes stopped to write notes down in a notepad beside her. This was her way to relax; whenever Hel had complete silence and a book in her hands her life would be complete for that brief moment it lasted.

The book Hel had found that fateful day was not an ordinary book; it was in a strange language, and was about Asgardian "super powers". Hel had found out that she could learn to speak any language perfectly just by listening to it for two to three minutes, so she had been able to learn the language of the book. She had used it to learn to control the energy powers from her hands, and her animal shape shifting. She had also been able to hide here powers from her family, and keep it a secret. The only person, who knew about her powers, was herself and she wasn't planning on telling anyone. She still hadn't figured out how she could have powers like the ones she had, and she wouldn't give in before she knew everything. She almost never did anything, but read in the Asgardian book; searching for answers. For the past seven years, Hel and that book had been inseparable; that book was her most prized possession. Sometimes she would even get the feeling that she felt more at home when she was reading about Asgard in that book than she would when she was with her brother and her father. She felt ashamed by that, but she wouldn't ever give up this book, and that was why no one knew about the book, or her powers. Her father would with no doubt claim everything as his own, and that was something she just couldn't stand to think about.

Her calmed and collected trance was broken by someone knocking on her door. Hel hurriedly hid the book under her mattress, and put out all of the candles with a single motion of her hands (That was something the book had taught her how to do), before she unlocked the door to see her brother Loke standing on the other side.

"Hello brother, is there something I can help you with?" She asked him with a smile; less than slightly irritated to be disturbed in her hour of solitude; her face didn't give anything away though.

"Dad wants to see us" He answered; he sounded slightly worried.

"Why?" Hel couldn't help but feel a little bit curious; their father very rarely wanted to see them, and when he did it was almost always because he wanted to punish them.

"I don't know" Loke seemed to be just as confused as she was.

"Well, does he seem angry, or happy?" If he seemed happy or angry had a lot to do with what was going on; Red skull was very moody and she knew that if he seemed angry in any way; it wouldn't be good.

"He seems… Ecstatic." Loke answered with a apologetic look on his face; this could only mean one thing: she was most probably screwed.

"Oh no… has he found some kind of new Viking trinket I have to steal?" Hel was sick and tired of stealing for her father; if it hadn't been for the fact that Red skull was her father, she probably would have quit a long time ago. What you don't do for your family.

"Well we're gonna find out right about now" Loke said as Red skull approached them from behind; he had a satisfied smile on his face.

"My dear son Loke, Hel; I have got some exciting news for you" Hel noticed that Red skull had called her brother for " My dear son", and he had only called her by her name; she was slightly hurt, but after twenty-four years, she was getting used to it. She shook the thought away, and asked him what the news was instead. Hel often felt like she was living in her brother's shadow; she often got painfully punished if she failed a task; her brother however didn't have a single scar on his body. Red skull's punishments always had something to do with torture or lab experiments; mostly the latter. Her arms were all scared with little dots from needles taking blood from her, or spraying something inside of her. Sometimes she really felt like her father hated her; it was like he was looking for excuses to strap her to the laboratory table, and she did not know why.

"We are going on a trip" Red skull answered Hel; though his attention was locked on Loke.

"Oh great" Hel thought to herself.

"The invisible girl is going on a trip with the red guy and the shadow caster"

"Where are we going?" She heard Loke ask their father; excellent question. She could feel that she really didn't want to go; she felt tempted to shut the door, relight the candles and lock the door safely, but she knew that if she did, she would earn herself an hour on the laboratory table, so she just kept standing there. Her father had a satisfied smirk on his face as he told his son where they were going.

"Norway"

* * *

><p>"What's up cap?" Tony interrupted Steve reading. Steve wasn't caught by surprise very often, but he was this time; he accidently threw the book up in the air before he quickly caught it, and hid it behind his back. Now he just hoped with all his will, that Tony didn't see it.<p>

"Oh hey Stark, how are you?" Steve smiled maybe a little bit too wide.

"You're the one who came to see me, so you tell me. Oh and by the way, what was that thing you threw in to the air?" Oh no… Busted!

"Ha ha, what do you mean Stark? I've just been sitting here real patient and waiting for you, there's no "Thing" ha ha ha" Steve had never been more embarrassed in his entire life; being caught while he was reading another person's diary was the most embarrassing thing he could ever imagine happening to him.

"You know… I came in about ten minutes ago; you were so caught up in that book that you didn't even notice me" Tony said, as he crossed his arms and leaned his body against the door opening.

"Is… Is that what I think it is?" He continued as he wiggled a finger around in the direction of the book.

"I really have no idea of what you're talking about" Steve defended himself though he knew that he had already lost the argument.

"It is, isn't it…? Her diary…? You were reading it weren't you? Oh Steve you are SO busted!" Tony laughed; he seemed to enjoy this very much. He was laughing all the way to the mini bar he had in the room.

"So… What's she like? Uncle Sam…? Stars, and stripes? Long live America…?" Tony was wiggling a bottle of vodka in front Steve's face, as to gesture for him to take it.

"No" Steve grabbed the bottle from Tony's hand.

"She is most definitely NOT American Dream; I made a mistake" Steve chugged away half of the bottle's content in one big swing.

"Whoa… Easy there tiger, don't drink it all at once, you'll just get terribly drunk" Tony tried to calm Steve down, but that was a lost cause; he was confused, and he felt lost.

"I'm not able to get drunken Stark, but I guess I never told you that" Steve simply answered.

"Wow… Cool…"

"She's a super villain" Steve said.

"Huh…? Our Jane Doe?"

"Yep… Daughter of Red skull." Tony seemed to get confused when Steve told him this.

"How can we even be a 100% sure that this diary belongs to our mystery woman?"

"There is a photograph of her inside the book; we are thawing out a dangerous criminal" Steve had now gone from confused to angry.

"Then why do you keep reading in her diary?" Tony asked him carefully; Steve might be a very good person, but everyone knew that you really shouldn't make him angry.

"I can't seem to stop"

"Is it SO interesting?" Tony was right; Steve found this woman very fascinating; he was dying to know what had happened to her in Norway which changed her life, and the fact that she had superpowers were pretty amazing too.

"Yep, and then there is the fact that she is a super villain, so it might be a good idea to know her story anyway right?

"Are you sure that she IS a villain?" Tony asked all the right questions today.

"What do you mean?" Steve was very confused, but of course Tony always confused him.

"I don't know; Loki grew up in a family of heroes, but he became bad; maybe it could work the other way around?"

"HA… Not with this girl; she was too attached to her father to do something like that!"

"Fine Steve, whatever; was that what you came here to tell me?" Tony asked with a fake disappointed voice.

"That's it" Steve handed Tony the empty vodka bottle.

"And to ask you to tell SHIELD that we are completely out of leads" He knew that he was asking a lot from Tony to ask him to lie to SHIELD, but "Hey" it wasn't that hard actually, and he would not have SHIELD take away Hel's diary.

"One big fat lie coming up; if you do me a favor, that is"

"What favor?"

"Be my drinking buddy" Tony took him by surprise.

"Your what?"

"No… but… think about it for a second here. You can drink as much as me, we can help each other pick up chicks, and you can also be my designated driver cause you can't get drunk; It's PERFECT!" Steve couldn't help but laugh at the thought of being Tony's drinking buddy; the whole idea stroke him as funny.

"Okay Stark, you have got yourself a deal, but you do realize that you could also have gone with Thor?"

"Naaahh; he doesn't have a driver's license"

Tony handed Steve a new bottle of liquor, as he was on his way out.

"For the road" He smiled.

"Oh, and by the way… I think my assistant has a crush on you"

"Not even if you paid me with all you've got" Steve said; he really wasn't interested in that girl.

"Too shallow? I understand…"

When Steve left Tony's house that day, he was happy and sad at the same time; he took a cap home, and threw himself on the couch. The time had come for him to find out what had changed Hel's life.

* * *

><p>It was even colder in Norway than it had been in Denmark. Snowflakes fell from the sky, and landed softly in Hel's hair; the white shone even brighter against the coal black. A brave snow flake tried to settle on her eyelash, but she quickly blinked it away. The deep emerald green that was her eyes couldn't help, but gaze upon the beautiful landscape with a childlike sense of wonder, and who could blame her? She looked at the high mountain tops covered with snow and the bright blue sky with a slight feeling of envy. The people who lived in this small villagetown were very lucky; she had made a remark like that to her brother who just had stated that he actually felt sorry for them because of the cold, he had then overdramatically crossed his arms to prove his point. Cold had never bothered Hel that much though, so she chose to ignore his remark.

"Hey dad; haven't we looked at enough churches now? I mean it's getting kind of old to just visit different kinds of churches" She suddenly heard Loke ask their father; she noted to herself that he was right. They had been in Norway for a couple of weeks now, and the only thing they had been doing was visiting different churches all around the country. Hel had long ago figured out that her father was looking for someone (or something), but she had no idea what that was, or what it had to do with all those different churches, and she wasn't planning on asking him; she would just have to wait and see.

"This will be the last church today" Red skull answered him a little while later. Hel turned around to look at the church; it seemed different from other churches somehow, though Hel couldn't tell exactly what made it different… It just was. She felt somehow drawn to it, like there was something inside it that called upon her. The feeling resembled the one she had felt that day in Denmark when she had seen those paintings made by Vikings. She suddenly felt a strong desire to enter the building; something screamed at her deep from her heart, something wanted her attention; she felt as if her body was keeping secrets from herself. She could almost imagine the conversation she would have had with her body right now if it was its own person:

"Come on Hel; let's go inside this weird church"

"Why?"

"I won't tell you; just have to trust me okay?"

"If you can't trust your own body, you can't trust anyone right?"

And so Hel's mind wandered for a very long time before she was very suddenly snapped out of it.

"So Hel, are you coming with us any time soon?" Loke was standing in the door-opening to the church, while he looked at her with his widest grin. Well somebody was certainly in a good mood. She was still arguing with herself whether or not she should enter the building; she most certainly didn't want to repeat the accident from seven years ago.

"Well… Are you coming?" Loke said again, but Hel didn't answer. She was just about to tell him that she probably shouldn't go, but then she saw something inside the opened door. As if hit by lightning; she lost all touch with reality as she went in to some kind of deep trance. With no sense for reason what so ever; she slowly made her way inside the church.

"Hel, is everything okay?" Loke asked her worried, but Hel couldn't hear anything; she just walked right past him with an empty look in her eyes.

Special edition Loke point of view: (Steve won't be able to read this part as Hel won't know what happened to write it down in her diary)

"What's up with her?" Loke asked his father when he noticed that his sister was acting really weird. Loke turned to look at his father whose eyes sparkled with excitement, and glee.

"Finally!" His father expressed when Hel entered the room; still in her trance. She walked right towards one of the walls which had a huge tree engraved in it. "Yggdrasil: the tree of life". And right there; in front of that tree she just stopped. Loke watched his father lean forward in anticipation as he watched Hel with all his attention. Suddenly she stretched and arm forward towards the tree. Loke jumped in surprise when her hand suddenly lit up with some strange green light.

"Yes, yes, yes! It's happening! It's finally happening!" Before their fathers cheers hit their peak; Hel passed out on the floor.

"NO, NO, NO! Where is the secret opening!? Where is it!? WHERE IS IT!?" Loke could see that his father had never been this frustrated before; there was clearly something he wasn't telling him.

"What the hell is going on with my sister!?" Loke was very frustrated and confused; what was that light from his sister's hands? What was going here? Red skull picked up the unconscious Hel from the ground, and slowly walked out of the church. Loke followed him suit.

"Dad, please tell me what's going on!" He didn't answer him though; he just kept walking until they were at their car.

"Unlock the car, and open the trunk for me" His father told him; Loke threw him a suspicious skeptical look, but he did as he was told though. He was completely shocked when he saw that his father threw the girl in the trunk, and smacked it closed. He wouldn't believe his own eyes; this couldn't be real, it just couldn't be.

"HEY! WHY ARE YOU THROWING HER IN THE TRUNK!? I DEMAND TO KNOW WHY YOU ARE TREATING MY SISTER THIS WAY! WHAT IS GOING ON!?" Loke could feel that he was furious, and who wouldn't be? He just witnessed his father throw his sister in to a trunk, after she had displayed some kind of weird light from her hands.

"Get in the car; you can have all the answers you want when we are on the road" Loke couldn't believe anything anymore; was he really planning on driving the long way to the HYDRA ship with Hel in the trunk? He knew that there was no arguing with him though; his entire body was shaking as he got in to the car, and slammed the door shut. He was shortly after followed by Red skull, who swiftly turned on the engine of the car, and drove them away from the church.

Loke couldn't tell how long they had been driving for: seconds, minutes, hours, it didn't matter; he just wanted answers. The awkward silence kept on going for a while; it consumed the atmosphere inside the car till the point of torture; he couldn't stand it anymore, he needed to know what was going on, and he couldn't wait a second longer.

"Soooo… are you planning on telling me why my sister blacked out, and you threw her in the trunk? Because I REALLY want to know; if you haven't already noticed"

"She's not your sister" Red skull answered him with his always cold and unfriendly voice.

"Wha… What…? Could you repeat that; this time in a longer sentence where you explain to me what you mean by that?"

"I mean what I mean… She is not your sister"

"You mean… She's ADOPTED?" Loke tread carefully with every word he spoke; he was stunned to the very core of his existence, and he wanted nothing more than his words to be untrue; he wasn't that fortunate however. He heard his father sigh before he told him everything.

"Long ago, when you were still too young to remember; Doctor Zola and I were looking for an energy source named "The Tesseract" We had no luck finding it however. We needed the help from an actual Asgardian if we ever wanted to know the location of this thing."

"What does that have to do with Hel?" Loke was growing very impatient.

"Would you relax son? I'm getting to it. Later that same day as we had hit rock bottom; we found a wounded woman in the forest. It turned out as it seems that she was from Asgard; no less than the wife of the famous…" Red skull trailed out before he could reveal the name of the famous Asgardian which was Hel's true father.

"You know what? Her identity doesn't matter to the story, and I think it would be best if you didn't know. The woman had a little Asgardian baby with her; I realized that this baby would be my only chance of finding the Tesseract, so I killed the woman and took in the baby as my own; naming her Hel." Loke was so shocked at his words that he was left speechless; he said nothing as he waited for his father to finish the story.

"I found out that the Tesseract had to be somewhere in a church in Norway, Sweden, or Denmark. Hel has just found it in the church we just left."

"So what's going to happen now?" Loke couldn't help, but ask his father.

"Hel has no longer any use for me; we will have to dispose of her" Loke widened his eyes in shock as his father said this.

"You're going to kill her!?"

"Of course, and I would advise you to help me"

"NO! Nah ah… I refuse to kill her! I REFUSE!" Loke stood his ground on this matter; blood related or not; she was still his sister.

"I'm sad to hear you say this; after I overlooked the fact of you having a son with an American" Red skull threatened him.

"You know about Nari?" A stream of panic flushed over Loke.

"Yes, and I am more than willing to overlook your mistake if you do as you're told" Loke was slightly scared, but then he realized what his father was saying; he would be willing to love his grandchild, and all he had to do was to overlook whatever he was going to do with Hel; he couldn't let this opportunity pass by; he had to seize it. A small flush of guilt entered his mind for a brief second, but he pushed it away; after all… they weren't related by blood right? He didn't realize it, but that was the day that his heart grew as dark as his fathers. He felt confident, he showed no remorse, and all compassion had left his heart, and for what? Acceptance! Greed could truly do horrible things to people.

Return of Hel's point of view or "POV" as it is also called. (Now Steve is following the story again; sorry for the confusion guys)

Hel woke up in a dark room; she felt an awful head ache, and for some reason she couldn't move her arms or her legs. She desperately tried to remember what had happened to her, but her memory was blurry if not gone. The last thing she could remember was standing in front of a church; admiring the landscape around her, and then "SNAP PUFF" everything had turned black. She tried to move her arms, she tried to move her legs, but they wouldn't butch. That was when she realized that she was strapped to a torture bench. Her mind was racing as she tried to figure out what was going on; she tried to use her powers to get out, but they no longer worked as they stopped doing whenever she was panicking too much; she twisted and turned like an eel on dry land; the ropes around her wrists burned like hell, but nothing happened. This kept on going for hours upon hours; she had to get out, she just had to. She was so concentrated in her own thoughts and attempts to free herself that she didn't notice that someone had entered the room. It was only when she heard the maniacal laugh of her father that she turned her head to locate him. He was leaning against the wall with a twisted evil grin on his face; he was wearing black smith's gloves, and a heat resistant suit. Beside him Loke was firing up a huge oven; when the light from the fire hit the room, she immediately knew where she was: The torturing room onboard the HYDRA ship.

"Father… Why am I strapped to this thing?" She asked Red skull.

"Hush child, your time has come" He answered her in a deep voice that took scary to new lengths.

"My… My time? Whatever do you mean?" Her voice had a scared tone to it, but mostly it was covered with confusion.

"It is quite simple my dear; I no longer have use of you, you have served your purpose so now I can finally dispose of you"

"Wha… What!? Father please, tell me what I did wrong so I can make amends" She pleaded him. She was clearly hurt, and it was clear that her father was going to kill her now, but she did not know why.

"There is no amends" Red skull said, as he took a bunch of silver jewelry, coins, and silver wear, and stuffed it all in to a special made pot. Hel was so confused, shocked, paralyzed in fear that she had lost her ability to speak. She just lay there as she saw her father hand Loke the pot full of silver wear, who settled it carefully in to the fire. She observed Loke as he stirred around in the silver; what were they going to use that silver for? She asked herself; whatever it was, she agreed with herself that it couldn't be good.

"Loke; hey, Loke. Would you care to tell me what I did wrong this time?" She had always turned to her brother when she was in time of need, and this was definitely a time of need.

"You were born" He simply answered her with nothing but disgust showing in his face.

Hel was hurt by his words, but also confused; Loke had always been there for her and her for him, so why did he suddenly speak these words of hatred? She asked him this, but she quickly found out that she shouldn't have.

"What makes you think that I EVER loved you Hel? You're just the third wheel; you're just the person I had to drag along because it was expected of me, I have never liked you. In fact: I HATE YOU!" He was lying; she knew he was, but… Why?

Hel didn't even get to answer him before Red skull spoke behind them.

"So Hel… Do you like Norse mythology?" Now Hel had had enough of this; she suddenly found herself losing her temper.

"NO! YOU LIKE NORSE MYTHOLOGY! I JUST FOLLOWED YOU BECAUSE YOU TOLD ME TO!" Red skull just ignored her remark, and continued talking.

"What would you feel about being called "Silver tongue" just like Loke/Loki from the Norse mythology books?"

"Wha… What do you mean?" She now realized that her father was holding the pot of melted silver in his one hand. He answered by taking his other hand up to her jaw; then he forced her mouth open with an iron grip.

"Why do you do this to me? Brother help me" Loke didn't butch, he didn't even speak; he just looked at her with a stiff and cold glare. She felt her father tighten his grip around her jaw so hard that she couldn't help a small scream of pain to escape her mouth. She felt that the pot of silver in his hand was dangerously close to her mouth; at that very moment she saw that Loke turned around to leave the room.

"Brother, help me!" She screamed at him; he didn't answer.

"Why won't you answer me!?"

"Brother, help!"

"Loke!"

"LOKE!" she kept screaming at him. As he closed the door behind him, she screamed his name one last time.

"LOOOOOOKEEEEEEGHRUUUUULGGGGHHHH" The piercing scream was drowned half way by hot burning, melted silver. Hel didn't know pain until that day; all the torture and lab experiments she had experienced was nothing compared to the pain of melted silver poured down in her throat. She desperately gasped for air, but the silver was settling in her throat as it wanted to dry and turn itself in to a hard metal again. She kept trying to spit it out, but Red skull kept pouring even more silver in to her mouth. She felt pretty satisfied with herself as she managed to spit some of the silver in to her father's face, which made him step back in pain, but then he just poured even more silver in to her mouth. She tried to think cold thoughts, but the pain was too much, and if that wasn't worse enough, she no longer was able to breathe; the silver had settled in her throat and started to dry. Suddenly her vision became blurry, and everything around her began to fade; because of the pain, and because of the lack of air, she passed out.

* * *

><p><strong>Authors note:<strong> And that was the end of this chapter; I hope you enjoyed it. I am happy to announce that in the next many chapters; there won't as much violence as there have been in a lot of my previous chapters. (Jaaahhyyy) There will be romance in this story, but I will have to figure out some things before I can begin with the romance plot. (Sorry guys If you are looking for an Avengers fan fiction with romance I am currently writing a Loki/Darcy fan fiction named "I will wait for you") As always reviews are highly appreciated.


	8. Cast away

**Chapter 8: Cast away.**

**Authors note:**

Hello again my friends… I don't know a lot about the military… Let me correct that; I don't know ANYTHING about the military, but I wanted Hel's story to be closely connected to Steve's story sooo…. I wrote the Easter eggs I wanted and hope that none of my few, but lovely readers know much about the military either.

Enjoy (And if you know about the military, please take this as what it is: a fan fiction written by a seventeen year old girl, mmmkay?)

Again, enjoy:

The wind was howling as it pushed around with the raindrops that fell from the dark and cloudy sky. The sun was hidden behind dark rainclouds, and had been replaced by the flashes of light from the growling thunder that threatened to disturb the deep slumber Hel had been put in by torture. The waves of the ocean cradled her back and forth in the water as the thunders rumbling, sung her a gentle, but slightly scary lullaby. Hel wasn't awake, but she wasn't asleep either; she could feel the water around her, but she was unaware of where she was. She could feel the wet sand as the waves had grown tired of her, and decided to wash her up on the shore. She could feel the heavy raindrops land on her face; washing away the sand and the blood that had been stuck to her face. Everything was black, and all she could do was feel and hear, but it didn't feel entirely real; it felt like she was dreaming the whole thing. She knew that she didn't though; pain, anger, sorrow, and betrayal was all Hel could think about. Her father had tried to kill her, and her brother had helped him. She had completely lost faith in love and family, she had lost her love for Red skull, lost her love for Loke, but most importantly: she had lost the will to try. Hel heard the sound of men chanting while they marched on the beach; she heard one of them stopping, and shouting that he had found something, but she didn't care. It was only when she felt the grip of two strong male hands turning her over on her back that she reacted; that she woke up from her doze.

With much difficulty, she managed to open her eyes for just a couple of seconds. Her vision was blurry, but she was able to see exactly what was going on though. An American soldier with long brown hair and kind brown eyes was looking at her with worry and horror written all over his face. That was all Hel got to see before she closed her eyes again.

"She is still alive, but barely. We need to get her to a medic now!" She heard him yell to someone; his voice sounded kind too. "Don't you worry ma'am; we will get you right back on your feet again in no time" He said to Hel; he didn't sound so sure of his own words, but she wasn't able to answer though; she had already passed out again.

When Hel opened her eyes again; she was lying in a hospital bed with bandages around her hands. She could feel a piercing pain in her head, and she found it very difficult to breathe. Only now did she realize that the silver had been removed from her throat and her mouth, and only now did she notice the wet cloth that was placed in her mouth instead. Her last memory was still a blur; the only thing she remembered was a man with kind brown eyes, and long brown hair picking her up from the ground and then carrying her somewhere; probably to the hospital. Now she was lying here… Homeless… Unloved… And nowhere to go… She was now on the run from HYDRA; they thought she was dead though, and that gave her the advantage. She wondered how it was possible for her to have survived; how she had been able to breathe, but she really didn't care. What was she going to do? Where was she supposed to hide? How could they do this to her? She had no answer for any of these questions. She felt angry, she felt stupid, and she felt hurt.

Her train of thought was broken when a nurse entered the room.

"So how are we feeling today?" She asked as she looked down on the clipboard she was holding in her hands. Her blond hair had been curled, and she was wearing a dark brownish red lipstick. Her accent was American so Hel guessed that that was where she was: America or at least a place where they had American nurses.

"Like someone tried to kill me; which is actually what happened" Hel answered in her usual British- ish accent. It was actually an Asgardian accent, but she didn't know that yet. The nurse's deep blue eyes sparkled in glee when she heard that Hel answered her question.

"Oh dear!" The nurse said as she approached the confused Hel.

"You are finally awake! For a time everyone thought that you weren't going to make it, but now it seems that you did! How wonderful" Hel didn't answer the nurse, she just sat up and looked at the wet cloth she had just removed from her mouth to speak with the nurse; it was white, except for the pink stains that Hel concluded was the blood from her enormous wounds in her mouth (and throat).

"How did you manage to remove the silver?" Hel asked the nurse. The nurse's smile faded away as Hel spoke those words; she kept starring at Hel as if she was building up her courage for something.

"Well… That was a very complicated procedure; It was done by,,, Oh, you know what? You don't wanna know. I on the other hand am a lot curious to how you got silver down your throat or how there had been burned a hole through it for breathing. That was very peculiar if you ask me… Oh, listen to me babbling on and on; typical me." The nurse giggled before continuing.

"Anyway, is there anything I can get you? Dinner? Painkillers? Or maybe a nice cold glass of wa…"

The nurse didn't get finish her sentence before she was interrupted by the man who had just entered the room.

"Could I speak with your patient alone for a minute?" The man said with a voice stressing that the matter was urgent.

"I am sorry, but this is a critically hurt patient and I can't let you see critically hurt patients unless you have gotten permission from the right authorities" The nurse answered the man with a voice that to Hel obviously indicated that she had practiced on those exact lines; in other words: she was giving him the standard answer.

"I don't see you treating her like a critical patient miss… Adams. You seem to have no problem with rambling on with her like women now and the do, but I will let that slide as I know that you are just telling me the words you have rehearsed at home. And as for authority, I actually have permission. I believe this should be evidence enough." The man answered, giving the nurse a piece of paper which the nurse received and read. After she was done, she gave the man the paper back, and the man spoke again.

"Can I please have a word with the patient now?" The nurse nodded, but she didn't move any other muscles.

"Under four eyes" The man continued after a minute or two of awkward silence.

"Uh… uhmm… Yes of course you can Colonel, I'll be right outside if you need me" The nurse seemed confused and unwilling to leave, but she left anyway; closing the door carefully on her way out. All of Hel's attention had been on the nurse so she was almost startled when the man spoke to her.

"Hello miss, I'm Colonel Chester Philips. I would like to ask you some questions if you don't mind" As he said this, he pulled out the chair beside Hel's hospital bed and sat down.

"Let me guess…" Hel said when she had finally realized what was going on.

"You want to know who I am, and why you found me wearing a HYDRA/Nazi uniform." Hel paused to see how the man reacted to her words; he had a pretty good poker face, but Hel could see in his eyes that she was right so far, so she chose to continue.

"You want to know why I had silver in my mouth when you found me, and why you found me washed up on the shore of a beach." Hel knew that she was right; every single word she had said. The man… Colonel shifted in his seat before he answered.

"That sums it up pretty good; yeah, that's exactly what I want to know" The Colonel didn't exactly seem like a very kind person, but Hel already liked him. That was when she realized something… It was too dangerous for her to return to Germany alone and get her revenge over her father and her brother, but… If she had help, then maybe …

"Listen Colonel…" Hel began. She wanted the Colonel to trust her, but she wouldn't get that with lies, so she decided to speak the truth and nothing, but the truth.

"My name is Hel. I grew up in Germany; I was raised by the head of Hitler's research division: HYDRA." She paused there to see how the Colonel reacted to this; not great, he had already started to look at her like she was the enemy. Hurriedly she continued her story.

"A couple of days ago, my father decided that he didn't want me around anymore; he tried to kill me, and I think that he thought he succeeded. This is why he probably threw me overboard where I washed up on shore." The harsh expression on the colonel's face had begun to soften… A little bit.

"So you're supposed to be dead, but you aren't? How can you people live like this? Stupid Nazis, they deserve to die; every single one" The colonel had carried himself a little bit away in his hatred for Nazis, and as he said these angry words about Nazis, Hel realized something… She agreed with every single statement! She realized now that she always had.

"I agree with you completely" Hel interrupted him as he had been rambling on about how much he hated Nazis for a very long time.

"That's why I want to help you defeat them" she continued making the colonel stop talking, and start smiling.

"You want to help the American army defeat Germany? How?" He was smiling, but he was clearly confused too.

"I am the daughter of a very important Nazi; I have met Hitler myself several times. Don't you think that I would have some very valuable information that you could use?" Hel smiled an evil menacing smile as she said this; the colonel smiled too.

"You would need to enter some kind of witness protection program so the Nazis won't find you." The colonel said warningly.

"It would involve you changing your name, your appearance, your accent." Hel just kept smiling; revenge was coming her way, she would make them regret what they had done to her. She would make them feel how painful betrayal felt. One way or the other; she would bring her father and Loke down.

"I don't care… I want to help" She said with a mischievous smile pulled on her face.

"Whatever the costs"

_And that was the true story of how my life began, how it turned around, and changed forever. There are plenty more to come, but this was how I was pushed on the right path. Now all I need to tell you is the story of how, not my life, but I changed. How I was transformed from bad to good, but be aware; it is a long story filled with laughter and sorrow._

Steve dropped the book on the floor; upon reading the last words he had fallen asleep. The last word of the chapter kept hanging on in his mind "Sorrow"… That night his nightmares would be about torture, betrayal, silver, and sorrow…

**Authors note:**

So that was the short chapter I have worked so long with. I don't know what to say about this chapter other than REWIEW! Please let me know how I am doing, I will listen (read, and the take the advice).


	9. Extreme makeover

**Authors note: **

So I have recently tried to learn how to use this website a little better than I do, and have tried to reply to some reviews I have gotten; don't know how it works with replies, but (as Loki would say) I do what I want.;) This chapter will have a lot of Hel, and not so much Steve. Please review if you want me to include him a little bit more than I am; I'm sure I can think of something. As for the Thor cliffhanger I left you with a few chapters back: It's not really that important to the story, but I'll be sure to include it when Hel wakes up from the ice cube. (Which is not for many more chaptersL Sorry guys, but Hel needs a solid 40's story before I can go on with the good stuff)

Enough talking; on with the chapter:

Steve was walking around in his kitchen, making tea. He watched indifferently as the tea-bag colored the white, boiling water, a brown, almost red color as he dragged the bag around in the cup. Just a few minutes ago, Fury had called him to get him to come to work, but Steve had called in sick today. He wasn't physically sick; that was almost impossible for him to be because of the super soldier serum running in his veins. The serum constantly healed him on a physical level, but when it came to mental health; the serum was useless. He had always felt horrible ever since he woke up in 2012, but he had never really realized the full extent of his pain, until last night.

He had gotten a phone call from Tony's hot assistant who desperately wanted to go on a date with him. Steve however really didn't want to; and it was not because that she was shallow, but because no matter what he did, he couldn't get over Peggy. She however knew this, and had informed him that she had done some research on Peggy, who apparently had gotten over him and married some soldier he had saved from HYDRA along with Bucky and all the others, that day when he had stopped being a "Showgirl" and started being serious. Of course he had always known that this had been a possibility, but now when he knew that it was true, he was so very confused. He now knew that it was finally time for him to forget Peggy, but how? Steve had never been the kind of person who could just walk over to a pretty girl and ask her out. He could always start with Tony's shallow assistant? But Steve denied to scoop down to that level; he wasn't THAT lonely.

He would also have to try, and adapt himself to this world, and this way of living in order to keep a girlfriend.

Yes, Steve knew that he needed to change. Change… The word hung in his mind for a long time. Again he thought back to something Tony had said to him, not that long ago.

"Well think about it, Loki grew up in a house full of heroes, and he became evil. Maybe it can work the other way around?"

Steve had been so sure that Hel was a vicious villain, who needed to be taken down, but then he had read further in her diary and found out that she actually wanted revenge on Redskull, but was she good or bad? He wasn't sure anymore, and he wanted to know. He could only see two possibilities of how that conversation with Colonel Chester Phillips could have gone… The first one could be that she honestly helped the army with the fight against the Nazis, and the other was that she had used the army as a tool to get to her father and then disregarded them like an old washcloth. He truly hoped that it wasn't the latter, and that was what he was determined to find out today.

The tea was now ready, and his head was cleared from all other things. He threw himself on his couch with only one thing in his mind. To drink this tea, and to read this diary; he was still a bit ashamed by reading someone else's diary, but it was the only interesting thing going on in his life at the moment, so he cracked the book open on the right page where he had left off, and began to read.

"Don't worry miss Hel; it won't hurt a bit" She heard the soldier tell her, as he gestured for her to sit down in the chair surrounded by stylists.

"No, I know that; only my pride" She said seriously as she sat down and let the women work on her.

"And why do you even need to be here?" She continued to ask the soldier who was sitting beside her; watching her every move. He didn't answer with more than a compassionate laugh, and he didn't need to. Hel knew the reason as clearly as he did; the Colonel didn't trust her yet.

"Well, I suppose it's understandable" She told him, as she felt the cold sensation of a scissor against her neck. Never once in her life had she cut her hair; not once. So she felt a lot of shame when the weight on her head suddenly became lighter.

"You meet a Nazi who suddenly wants to leave Germany forever, and help you win the war? Of course you would be suspicious; and who in their right mind wouldn't?"

The soldier laughed at this, but he didn't say much more. She could tell that he was a man of action, and not one of words. Which suited Hel perfectly; she was a woman of many words, so it was nice to talk with someone who didn't interrupt her all the time.

At the time she had finished her train of thought her hair was nothing but stopples on her head; she tried to stay cool, she really did, but looking at herself in the mirror and seeing herself with an army haircut, hurt her heart. Not because she was so attached to her hair that she would cry if it was cut, but the meaning of her hair being cut reminded her of how her life now was forever changed, and how she could never get her old life back. She was reminded of Redskull, and she was reminded of Loke, that very moment she realized that she allowed her hair to be cut, because of them. Because of them she had to hide. Because of them, she was homeless, and because of them, she was unloved.

The soldier seemed to have picked up on her sadness; maybe it was the sudden quiet, or the fact that she had shed a single tear of sorrow in her mindlessness. Whatever the reason was, she suddenly felt his reassuring hand on her shoulder, as he was giving her a comforting smile.

"Everything is going to be alright, Hel. Just wait and see" He didn't really talk much, but when he did, he most certainly made people feel a lot better. The women were now finished with ruining Hel's hair and were now doing their best, trying to make her unrecognizable with makeup. In the meantime the soldier had opened up, and during the whole procedure, they were doing small talk together. He was actually pretty funny, and she liked the way he could joke about everything. She was actually disappointed when the women dragged her away from him because they had to change her clothing.

Hel looked at the dress with disbelief in her eyes; sure she knew that normal women didn't wear uniforms, but she hated to admit that not once in her lifetime had she ever worn a dress, and she dreaded the outcome. High heels were something else she had never tried, and that too she was afraid off. Hel didn't complain though; she knew that there was no way around this, and she had accepted that when they had cut her hair. She had come this far so she refused to give up now. The stylists managed to slip her in to the dress and the shoes where they afterwards gestured for Hel to sit down in the chair again. The soldier was still waiting for her outside when the women picked up a red box and opened it. Inside was the thing Hel later would be known for in the 40's America; a long blond curly wig. They picked it up and put it carefully on her head, covering up the last stopples of black hair on her head.

"Oh, one last detail before you're finished" Said one of the stylists as she neared Hel's face.

"These are contacts; they will hide your green eyes completely, and make them blue"

When Hel looked herself in the mirror, she almost didn't recognize herself, with blond curly hair, blue eyes, and a dress. Her makeup was strangely enough in blue colors around her now blue eyes, and crimson red on her lips. She looked completely different from what she was used to, and she felt different too. Never had she felt so trapped inside of herself. But it was for the best, and she would just have to learn to live with it. At the same time, she had never felt so free. Free to do whatever she wanted without having to deal with her evil father. She felt relieved and trapped at the same time. She was free from her father, but not free to be herself. She tried to push the thought away, and think of something else. "This is not a day of grief" she told herself as she heard the stylists call for the soldier to reenter the room. "This is a day of celebration"

The door was opened, and the same soldier from before entered the room. His flaming red hair shone in the light from the lamps, and his brown eyes wore an expression of surprise.

"Wow" He said with the voice he rarely used.

"You look beautiful" He said rather in a "matter of fact" tone than an actual compliment, but Hel took it.

"Thank you" She said indifferently. The soldier tried to keep an indifferent facial expression like she did, but Hel could see that he was secretly withholding a smile. Apparently, he really DID find Hel beautiful as she was standing there, in her disguise. He didn't say anything, but then again, neither did Hel; a strangely pleasant silence had fallen over the pair as he was examining her, with his dark, brown eyes.

"Hello again Hel, I see that you have gotten your disguise" The moment was broken with the voice of colonel Chester Phillips, who apparently had entered the room. Hel didn't take long to answer, but longer than usual.

"Yes, what do you think?" She asked him, now talking in a perfect American accent.

"Perfect; now I need you to come with me." He told her before looking over at the soldier.

"And you are now relieved from this duty soldier" He continued in his usual strong voice. The soldier allowed himself to take a glance at Hel before answering.

"Yes sir" The soldier was just about to leave the room when Hel spoke up.

"Wait" The soldier stopped and looked back at Hel.

"I don't believe that you have ever told me your name?" She told him in the form of a question; this would not be the last time they met, Hel wanted to make sure of that. The soldier smiled wide as she asked him and answered happily.

"Williams. Joshua Williams" With these words he left the room, and Hel and the Colonel was now alone.

"So you're going to assign me to an American family, who then have to pretend that I am, and always have been a part of their family?" Hel asked the Colonel as they were on their way to an apartment in New York City.

"Not exactly; I'm going to assign you to one of the American soldiers, who then have to pretend to be your brother" The Colonel answered. They were walking on a sidewalk somewhere in Brooklyn as they were talking. The city was so much different from what she was used too. She was used to live in places full of pain and misery, but it was different here. America had something that Hel had never had before: hope. The Uncle Sam posters were plastered everywhere which Hel guessed wasn't the prettiest things she had seen, but somehow that pointing old man gave the Americans hope, and who was she to take that away from them?

"Who in their right mind would ever agree to take an ex-Nazi in to their own home?" Hel asked the Colonel in disbelief. It was actually a good question, and it was also one with a great answer.

"Actually, it was the soldier that found you, that day when you were lying unconscious on the beach. For some reason he volunteered to be a part of this; he was the only volunteer so naturally, we picked him, you lucky, lucky girl" Hel remembered faintly the soldier who had found her that day: kind brown eyes, and long-ish brown hair. He had seemed very kind that day, but then again, Hel had been seriously injured when she had seen him. Why would he volunteer to take her in to his house? That was like a crazy trust exercise.

"Well, this is it Hel. Are you ready to meet your brother?" The Colonel had stopped in front of a building, and they were now on their way to one of the front doors inside. He pulled a piece of paper from his pocket and looked at it to check if they were at the right place, before he knocked on one of the many doors in the apartment building.

"Just a minute!" A kind voice said from inside the apartment. As Hel heard the locks on the door being opened, she felt nervous. Her palms were sweaty, and her heart was beating very fast. This was now her future began; with the opening of that very door.

The man on the other side of the door seemed to smile, when he saw her and the Colonel standing outside.

"Oh hello Colonel and this must be Hel. Hello, come in" The man gestured for Hel and the Colonel to come inside the apartment, but the Colonel waved the offer away.

"Thank you soldier, but I am only here to drop off Hel, and then I'll leave all the details up to you" Hel didn't see any disappointment in the man's face when the Colonel had said that, but then again Hel's mind was far away at that moment. She knew that this was the same man who had found her that day on the beach, and he still looked very kind. She couldn't help but wonder, what would happen next, after the Colonel had left, and she didn't have to wait long to find out.

"I trust that you won't make too much trouble Hel?" He asked her.

"No of course not Colonel" Hel said as she looked at the man, who by any means other than blood was now her brother. He was smiling at her; he was genuinely smiling at her, which actually made Hel smile too.

"Great, take care" But before the Colonel left them, he turned around and said one last thing.

"Oh yeah, I almost forgot; Hel?" Hel looked up at the Colonel with half a smile on her face.

"Yes?" The Colonel was smiling wide as he said his last words.

"Meet James Barnes" With those words, he turned around and left.

When the Colonel had left, an awkward silence filled the room around her and James. It lasted for several minutes before Hel finally broke the silence.

"So your name is James?" Hel asked him with a friendly smile.

"Yeah, but everyone calls me Bucky" He answered her with a friendly smile.

They entered Bucky's apartment as they continued the conversation.

"Well, nice to meet you Bucky; my name is Hel" Hel knew that he knew this, but she had never introduced herself to him, so she said it anyway.

"Hel" Bucky answered.

"That is a very special name" He continued with a smile.

"Yes, I know that; too special if you ask me. What is the point of dressing up like this, when my name is so recognizable" She asked with concern. Bucky seemed to think hard about the problem Hel had just told him about.

"Well, why don't you change your name then?" That was actually a good idea, but would Hel be able to get used to a new name?

"That is a good idea, Bucky, but how would I get used to be called anything else than my actual name?"

Bucky seemed to have been thinking about this before Hel had even showed up, because he answered a little bit too fast.

"We'll just name you something ordinary, that's close to your real name, like Helen or something" Hel just LOVED Bucky's enthusiasm; it wasn't hard to tell that they would get along just fine.

"Helen?" She tasted the word in her mouth as she sat down on Bucky's… HER couch. They were living together now; that was something Hel really had to get used to.

"I like it" She said to Bucky who had taken a seat right beside her.

"Then Helen it is" He was smiling wide as he said the next sentence; the sentence that really touched Hel.

"Helen Barnes; welcome home"

Steve was more than confused when he had finished reading that chapter; Bucky's sister? Why hadn't Bucky ever told him that he had a secret sister? Why hadn't he ever met Hel when Bucky always had been Steve's best friend? And who the Hell was that girl? Everything was so confusing, but a pattern was starting to show. SHIELD had found Hel in the HYDRA ship, where Steve had found the diary and the war tags with Bucky, Joshua Williams, and Brandon Stark's names on them. Hel had now, (If she was writing the truth) in the diary, met Bucky and Joshua Williams. The only person unaccounted for was Brandon, but besides him; the persons' tags found in HYDRA's possession all knew Hel, and it was also connected to the diary somehow. SHIELD would be ready to unthaw her in about a month, and how Steve had some questions he needed answered when she woke up. Until then; Steve needed to find out if he could find the answers in the diary; so he turned the page, and started reading again.

**Authors note: **DUNN DUNN DUNNNNN! Bucky's sister! Tell me your honest opinion; what do you think about that? I personally LOVE the idea; well… Maybe that is because I know exactly how I'm going to continue with this in my head. (Or maybe I just don't like disagreeing with myself) He he… But seriously guys! Is it a good idea? Please let me know, and remember:

Reviews give me inspiration for my weird ideas and crappy writing. :D

Thinking about starting a Hunger Games fic; is that a good idea? Have a nice day/evening :D


	10. Worries

**Authors note:**

**Sorry for the long wait; I have had exams that I needed to focus on. I hope that you forgive me, but this chapter might be fast and crappy; hope it's better than nothing. **

"So you come here often?" Tony asked Steve as they were looking through a stack of old vinyl discs.

"Yeah; kinda" Steve confessed. They were inside a store that only sold classic movies, and music. Besides from Steve and Tony; there were only a VERY old woman, and a young boy looking for something for his school assignment. Steve felt kind of sad to see that people didn't use this amazing store more often; this was the only place that he could find things from his own time. And it wasn't like he wasn't trying to let the 40's go, but he saw no harm in liking classic movies, and old music.

"I don't blame you Rogers; I understand why you wouldn't be ready for music like Skrillex, and movies like Twilight. You just stick to this kind of old stuff if it works for you" Tony smiled as he picked up a vinyl with The Millers brothers.

"Even though music from the 40's can be creepy too" He continued.

"What? The Millers brothers? You think they're creepy?" Steve laughed.

"Of course they're creepy; have you heard the lyrics of that one song?" Tony had woken Steve's curiosity, so even though he knew he'd regret it later, he still couldn't help but ask.

"What song?"

"You know, the one where they sing that they would rather spend their nights with a paper doll than a real life girl" Tony put back the vinyl as he spoke.

"Oh yeah; that one; I guess that's creepy" Steve smiled teasingly, and then he heard it; playing from one of the TV's in the store.

"You've seen him up and down the avenue.

And now he's wearin' the navy blue.

She had a tear in the corner of her eye.

As he said his last goodbye.

Shoo, shoo, shoo baby.

Shoo, shoo, shoo baby.

Bye, bye, bye baby.

Do-dah-do-day.

Your papa's off to the seven seas."

He knew that he had heard that song before; it was originally sung by The Andrews sisters, but this wasn't them singing it now.

"Come on Tony, I need to see this" Steve exclaimed as he dragged Tony over to the screen, and just as he had expected to see; American Dream was in the movie dancing on stage with a lot of stage girls, singing.

"Seems kinda tough now.

To say goodbye this way

But papa's gotta be rough now

So that he can be sweet to you another day"

"That's American Dream isn't it Steve!?" A happily surprised Tony asked him.

"Yes it is" Steve answered amazed.

"I need to buy this" He continued as he took one of the DVDs, and ran to the pay desk without looking at, or caring about the prize.

"This has something to do with the diary hasn't it, Steve? I thought that you said that this girl couldn't possibly be American Dream, so why are you buying this?" Tony asked too late; Steve had already paid for the item.

"Well, it's POSSIBLE that I could have been wrong; I'm still trying to figure that one out." Steve frowned.

"So, she's not evil?" Tony seemed to be very confused, and Steve didn't blame him; he was confused himself.

"I don't know, but I'm going home to find out right now"

With those words, Steve and Tony left the store; Tony to go meet his girlfriend, and Steve to go home and read a certain diary.

"Where is he? I haven't heard from him in days; I'm so worried" Hel paced back and forth on the floor as she was talking with Joshua. It had been a few months since Hel had moved to New York, and Hel and Bucky were already very close. It had come so far that Hel no longer considered Bucky her "fake" brother, but her real brother. Never had she felt so comfortable in someone's presence than she did when she was with Bucky. He was kind, he was sweet, and in brotherhood skills he made Loke look like the worst brother that ever existed. Loke was a bad brother, but before the betrayal he had been okay; not compared to Bucky though. Whenever Hel had felt sad, he had been there to cheer her up. Whenever some guys on the street had bugged her too much, he had been there to make them stop. And whenever Hel was happy, he had been there to share the joy with her. Bucky had gone to war for quite some time ago, but she had been receiving letters from him almost every day, except for today. Hel hadn't seen or heard from Bucky in two weeks now, and that made her worry.

"Calm down Helen; it's not un-normal that you haven't heard from him in two weeks; it's war" Joshua tried, but his attempt to calm Hel down had backfired.

"Yes exactly, it's war; what if he's dead? Or captured? Or what if something even worse has happened?" Hel had almost worn out the carpet in the line that she was pacing, and Joshua was getting tired of having this conversation with her every day for two weeks.

"I swear Helen; if you don't hear from him tomorrow I will personally find out where he is" Hel looked over at Joshua when he said those words.

"You swear?" Hel was going crazy from worrying, and Joshua had really helped her out.

"If you go on a date with me?" He asked her with the sweetest smile he could pull off.

Hel and Joshua had started dating a while ago, and it was going really well. Maybe a date with her boyfriend was just what she needed to get her head out of this Bucky thing.

"Sure, of course I'll go on a date with you; where do you wanna go?" Hel smiled for the first time in two weeks as she looked into her boyfriend's eyes.

"I don't know; where do you wanna go?"

The date with Joshua hadn't helped at all; she was still worried, and now she felt bad too for trying to forget the worries. She was on her way up the stairs to the front door of her apartment alone, since Joshua had said goodbye down at the street, and she was now headed up to the empty apartment drunken with worry if that was even possible. That was when she bumped in to someone; a tall blond soldier with blue eyes wearing a star spangled uniform.

"Oh, I'm terribly sorry miss; please forgive me" He apologized, but Hel was too worried about Bucky to even notice or care that she had bumped in to someone.

"No, that was my fault; I didn't see you there" She said almost mechanically.

"Hi, I'm Steve, what's your name?" The man smiled.

"Uhmm, Helen, I'm sorry, but I am quite in a hurry; I have to go" She lied as she slipped right passed Steve and ran the rest of the way up the stairs.

"Okay?" She heard Steve say, as he continued down the stairs until he was out of sight. Hel wondered if she had been a little bit too rude, but she really didn't feel like talking with anyone right now.

Steve had been drinking something as he had read this part, but now he had accidently spit it out in surprise. He had met Hel. He. Had. Met. Hel. This came as a huge shock to him; he remembered now that he had bumped into a woman on his way down the stairs of Bucky's apartment building, but he hadn't remembered that girl being Hel. How could he? He didn't know Hel at all, but apparently he had bumped in to her once. He wondered what happened next, so he turned the page and continued reading.

When Hel put her key in the lock to unlock the front door, she noticed that it had already been unlocked by someone else, and when she entered, she noticed that all of the lights had been turned on. Hel connected the dots; a soldier in the hall, the door unlocked, and the lights turned on. She ran as fast as she could in to the living room, where she saw it. There he was on the couch, reading.

"Bucky!" She happily exclaimed as she threw herself at his now open arms in to a hug.

"Hel!" Bucky was the only person who called her Hel; everyone else called her Helen, and Hel was more of his nick name for her than her actual name.

"Where have you been? I've been worried!" Hel happily exclaimed as she cried tears of happiness.

"Long story, doesn't matter right now" Bucky laughed and let go of her; he clearly didn't want to talk about it, and Hel didn't want to put pressure on him.

"I have a present for you" He laughed.

He turned around to pull something out of the backpack behind him. It was covered in brown paper, but it was obvious what the present was.

"You brought me a book?" She asked him when he handed it to her.

"Yes, but not just any book" He eagerly said as she ripped the brown paper off.

"The story of Hel?" She asked, confused.

"Yeah; it's a Norse mythology book, but not just any Norse mythology book" He was clearly excited about this.

"Oh yeah? What makes it different?" Hel smiled at Bucky.

"It's not real; well of course it's not real, but… This is Hel's history where they have had someone to write it in to a full story instead of just facts. It's made by a Norse mythology fan, and its complete fiction!" Neither Bucky, nor Hel had ever seen something like that before.

"So it's sort of a… Fan fiction?" Hel asked.

"Sort of, yeah!" Bucky hugged Hel again.

"And it's about YOU!" He swirled Hel around the room in a flying hug.

"Well not really, Bucky; it's about the person I was named after" Hel tried, but Bucky didn't really care.

"So when are you going to read it?" He asked excitedly.

"Fine, I'll read it tonight" She laughed again.

Later that night Hel opened the book she had gotten from Bucky and started reading.

**Authors note:**

This has to be one of my shortest and crappiest chapters I have written for this story, but I wanted something to come out today, so here you go. The thing about the Norse mythology Fan fiction was just something I wanna try out for next chapter, and the songs American Dream sings actually does exist; (American dream doesn't; in the Marvel comics: yes, but not the same way as I portray her) If you're interested in the list, PM or review ;)


	11. Iron lady

**Hel's story:**

You can almost see it from earth; deep beyond the stars, thousands upon thousands of miles away: a planet so great and with inhabitants so evolved that humans once worshipped them as gods. This planet is a realm, with one king to rule all who live there. A king with a wife and three sons, three sons who have friends, and friends who have family. This realm has always been mysterious to us humans, and we have made legend upon legend about these people: The Asgardians, but are they true? One of the most interesting legends is about the kings adopted son: Loke or Loki if you will. Legend has it, that he has a daughter; a daughter so evil that Hell itself was named after her; the goddess of death, but is this the real story? Legends never tell why she is so evil, and I have made it my mission to come up with a valid theory to why the legends of Hel came to be. Let's start at the very beginning, shall we?

Once upon a starry night, the king of Asgard threw a party where he had invited the kings, queens, princes, and princesses from all over the nine realms. Every single guest enjoyed the party except for one. The king's own son: Loki did not enjoy parties. They were noisy, social, and oh so complicated. The only reason for his arrival at the party was of obligation to his father.

Loki had nothing to do, and was just about to leave when he saw her; a creature so fair that he could have sworn that he had died and gone to Valhalla. Her long golden hair swung playfully back and forth in the warm evening breeze, and her gentle green eyes had the same shade as freshly sprouted leaves on an oak tree. Her lips were such a gentle light pink; like the cherry blossoms that bloom on earth in the spring. In Loki's eyes; she was perfection itself, and she was making her way towards him.

"forgive me for intruding your majesty, for it is not so often you get the chance of meeting the son of Odin" Her voice was a sweet, silky velvet one; one which captured the young prince's heart like one might capture a lost bird in the wilderness.

"I see that you know who I am, fair lady, which puts me in a rather difficult place since I do not know who you are" Loki tried to keep his usual indifferent posture, but found it rather difficult with her around.

"I am terribly sorry your majesty, my name is Sigyn of kindness and devotion" She said; Loki offered no response, but this.

"Sigyn of kindness and devotion, you may know me as Loki of trickery and mischief; prince of Asgard, but you may call me Loki" Sigyn smiled, and so did Loki; you didn't need to be Freya to know that these two Asgardians had been struck with the spell of love.

"Come on! Seriously?" Hel exclaimed as she closed the book shut; Hel wasn't much for love stories, and an Asgardian one was no exception.

"Bucky must be crazy if he thinks that I'm actually gonna read this" She continued to herself as she threw the book in the bottom drawer of her nightstand. She missed the book she had found in the museum when she was seventeen; see THAT was prober Asgardian reading. Not stuffed with love at first sight, and pink lips the same color as cherry blossoms on earth in the spring, or what the hell that was. She really didn't feel like reading anything else than that book, but it was in Germany, and she couldn't go there, not now, not ever.

When she looked at the clock, she saw that it was way past late, so she turned out the lights and went to bed.

Steve's reading was interrupted by a violent knocking on his front door.

"Steve! I know you're in there, so open the door!" It was Tony; his voice sounded panicked though he had no idea why.

"It's open!" Steve answered, too lazy to get off the couch where he had been resting for two weeks or so.

Less than five seconds later; Tony barged in, and sat next to Steve; he seemed worried, and troubled; very troubled.

"Stark? What's wrong?" Steve sat up, and Stark sat down next to him.

"You… You don't know? It's all over every news channel" Tony asked confused.

"I haven't used my TV in two weeks, and I have hardly left my apartment, so unless you have called and told me, I have no idea what you're talking about." Steve sensed that something was terribly wrong, and he was usually right with his assumptions.

"I blew up all my Iron man suits" Tony said to Steve's big surprise.

"WHAT!? WHY?" Steve was utterly confused, and it didn't help that he was confused in the first place because of the whole Hel thing.

"It was in the heat of the moment; a romantic gesture to Pepper" Tony still looked worried and panicked, but he never could resist bragging to Steve that he had a girlfriend.

"Why the hell did you do that?" Steve couldn't help asking.

"They kidnapped her, and it was my fault Steve. I got her in danger, and it was all because of those stupid suits; so I promised her that I would change for her" Steve couldn't believe it; did those words really just come out of Tony Stark's mouth?

"So you're no longer one of the Avengers?" Steve actually found it difficult to say that sentence; he cared for Stark, even though he WAS a pain in the…

"What? No… I've already built a new one, and Pepper knows that, but… I don't know what to do about her safety" It was nice to hear that Tony actually cared so much for another person, and Steve could see the problem.

"I mean; I'm perfectly safe because of my suits, but SHE? She is SO vulnerable, and fragile; if anyone finds out that she is my soft spot, the enemy will come after her again Steve, and I can't stand the thought" Tony buried his face in his hands as he said this; he really didn't see the obvious solution. Steve cleared his throat before asking quietly.

"Then why don't you build one for her?" Tony turned his head to look confused at Steve when he had said that.

"What do you mean, Steve?" He asked with a hopeful, but confused look on his face.

"You said that you're completely safe because you have your Iron man suit to protect you, so why don't you just build an Iron WO-man suit for her to wear when things aren't safe?" That was Steve's solution, and Tony's eyes DID seem to light up at his words.

"You want me to turn her in to an Iron lady?" Tony smiled again.

"Not one to help us fight crimes; just one who could protect her from bad guys" Steve treaded carefully; if he had offended Tony, it really hadn't been on purpose.

"Steve… You… Are… A GENIUS!" Tony laughed now as he surprised Steve by hugging him.

"THANK YOU Steve! Now I can sleep again" Tony laughed.

"Glad I could help, Stark; now let go of me" Steve said with a friendly tone.

"I think I'll go home, and work on it right now; thank you" Tony exclaimed as he ran out of Steve's door and disappeared.

Steve was confused by Tony's visit; who had kidnapped Pepper? What exactly had happened? It was all so very confusing, and Steve was really lost in thought; so lost in thought that he hadn't even noticed that Tony's chest hadn't lit up with a round blue light.

**Authors note:**

Just a short chapterso I didn't keep you waiting for too long. I hope that it was visible that the "Steve" part of the chapter was just after the plot of "Iron man 3" I just thought that it fit perfectly in the plot I have planned for this story. As always remember to review as it makes me SO happy to get them; whatever it says, I get happy. The next few chapters with Hel are going to be very interesting (Or that's what I think) so keep following, and review if there is ANYTHING you want me to change, or include. :3


	12. Love is all around

Chapter 12: Love is all around

**Authors note: **Hope you like this one; remember that Hel only wrote the important moments of her life in her diary, so this story skips a lot and there will happen something memorable in every chapter until Steve is finished reading.

It was midnight; the light from the full moon shone, and made a reflection on the clear water of the lake. The leafs on the trees played in the wind much like the blond hair of Hel's wig as she sat on a boat in the middle of the lake with Joshua. She was wearing a beautiful black dress, and he was wearing his uniform.

Joshua had insisted that they went here for their date as it was their six months anniversary. Hel noticed that Joshua was staring at her with loving eyes.

"Joshua?" She broke the silence.

"Hmm?" His mind was far away; that much Hel knew. What was he up to?

"Why did you bring me here?" As she asked him; he took his eyes off of her, and looked up in the sky at the moon. His red hair burned like amber in the bright moonlight.

"Do you remember our first date?" He suddenly asked; she didn't get to answer before he continued.

"Remember when I came to the apartment where you live with Bucky? You looked SO beautiful when you opened the door with your long blond hair gently brushing against your shoulders, and your deep blue eyes looking at me with glee. And Bucky… When we were on our way down the stairs, threw an empty gun quiver at me, and told me that the bullets would move a lot faster after 10pm" Hel couldn't help but chuckle a bit at that, interrupting him before he continued;

"I took you to this very lake, and we had a small picnic right over there" He smiled and pointed in the direction of the shore.

"We took this boat, and we sailed out here; right in the middle of the lake, and that's where we had our first kiss… Right here in this very spot" His lips met hers in a gentle kiss.

"This lake is also where I told you for the first time that I loved you, and I do… I love you Helen; with all my heart…" He said as he took Hel's hands in his, and once again continued.

"This spot was our first kiss and our first I love you's, so naturally I thought that it would be the only spot possible to ask you this next question" Hel could feel that something big was coming up, her heartbeat had increased, and when Joshua pulled out a ring; it almost stopped beating.

"Helen Barnes, will you marry me?" He asked her making Hel's heart skip a beat.

"Of course I'll marry you!" She screamed as he pulled her in for a passionate kiss. Never had Hel felt happier, never had she felt more alive, never had she felt more loved. She loved Joshua more than anything in the world, and nothing could ruin this moment for her; not anything. Then again; maybe something could… Maybe if she had known... But she had no idea…

No idea that that was the last time she would ever see Joshua…

"Biip, biip, biip" Steve had been interrupted in his reading by a text message; he had only just gotten a cellphone and Tony was already taking advantage of that. Steve understood the concept of texting, but he was more of a face to face kind of person, so when Tony had started texting with Steve about his love life, Steve had gone a little irritated at Tony. That little "Biip biip biip" noise had soon become the most annoying noise in the world to Steve.

Steve sighed and read the text message:

**From Tony:**

"Proposing to Pepper tonight! Freaking out! Coming over; be there in five…"

Steve sighed again, turned off the phone and threw himself on the couch.

"It seems that everyone's in love, but me" He said quietly to himself as he waited for Tony to show up.

**Authors note: **I realize that this chapter might be a bit short, but it's better than nothing am I right? ;)


	13. Female counterpart

**Authors note:** I know! Slow updates, I'm sorry! As you probably can read (When reading my crappy writing) I need a Beta for this story; if anyone is interested, please PM me? I'll take anyone who'll have me.

Steve found himself in Stark's workshop again; he had been called by a very excited Tony to come see his latest project: the Iron lady suit. Steve examined the suit closely, while Stark was explaining its many features. It basically looked like Tony's except for the fact that it had female forms, and the color… The color… Steve had sighed when he saw it. It was so typical Stark to go overboard. When he had suggested to Stark that he should make a female suit he foolishly hadn't expected Stark to make the suit screaming pink with a rose pattern, even in the chest where the arc-reactor was installed; Tony had made it red, and heart shaped.

"And this is the laser; I made it strong enough to cut through any kind of material, except for vibranium, it can't cut through vibranium, but you get the gist. This releases a deadly neurotoxin that can kill any enemy instantly, and this launches a mini missile, strong enough to knock over a building. And this one..." Tony rambled on and on about the suit's deadly features with no stop, so eventually Steve cut him off.

"Is all of that really necessary, Stark?" He had become worried when he heard Tony mention the word "Neurotoxin".

"What do you mean Cap?" Stark seemed so excited about this, and Steve didn't want to break his spirit, but…

"I mean that you were meant to make this suit to protect Pepper, not make her a stone cold killer" Steve argued.

"Okay… You're right Cap, but try to see this from my point of view. I don't want any harm to come to her, and we both know what kinds of people hate me. Say… Loki to take an example returns, and decides to ruin my life by going after the woman I love… I want Pepper to be able to defend herself against people like that, and let's be honest; neurotoxin wouldn't kill Loki, but it might slow him down long enough for me to arrive." Stark was babbling again, but he had a point.

"Say, I'm out of town, and the Mandarin decides to pay a visit. Without the weapons in the suit, Pepper wouldn't make it, but WITH these weapons, missiles and neurotoxin she would be able to take him down!" He continued; clearly working himself up.

"And there might be a chance that someone perhaps stole the suit? Or that Pepper wouldn't be able to control the machine, and accidently hurts someone? I want you to be careful that you don't turn her in to a female version of you. Trust me Stark; you don't need a female counterpart!" Steve said this to Tony in pure concern, but he could tell by the look on his face that he did not take it that way.

"Why did I ask you for help anyway? I will give this suit to Pepper as an engagement gift tonight, and I get why you don't understand this, how could you? You don't have a girlfriend! You don't have anyone you care enough about to protect them like this" Stark snapped.

Ouch…. Steve knew that Tony was angry, and that he meant in a different way, but that hurt. Steve was alone in this world. There wasn't anyone he cared about, and there wasn't anyone who cared about him. Everyone Steve had ever loved was dead…

He didn't respond to Stark's remark, he just turned on his heel and walked away, in hurt silence. He wasn't angry at Stark for what he had said, he was just hurt. He was hurt by the way that the remark had made him realize that he was alone… So alone…

On his way out he walked passed Stark's new assistant; she said something to him, but he ignored it. He blocked out all sound, and kept walking. All he could hear at the moment was a rushing in his ears. All he could feel was his face getting hotter and tears threatening to leave his eyes. There was an incredible pressure inside his head that made him feel like it was going to explode, and he felt his body temperature rise as if his blood was on fire.

When he finally made it outside on the street, he didn't call a cab, he just walked… Maybe he could walk the pain away. He felt empty, without purpose, useless and unloved. The rushing in his ears were pretty intense, but he could have sworn that he throughout the noise heard the voice of Tony Stark yelling at him from the window of his office, begging him to come back, but how could that be? Steve blocked out the noise until all he could hear was the rushing in his ears, sounding suspiciously a lot like white noise…

When Steve got back at his apartment, all he wanted to do was forget the words Stark had let out in anger. He knew that he hadn't meant it, but it felt as if his mind wouldn't listen to reason. Stark… All that brilliance, and he uses it to make pink iron suits. Why couldn't he just use those magnificent powers to create a time-machine so he could send Steve home? Then he would finally feel at home again. But no… Steve couldn't see that happen any time soon. A time machine wasn't an option. Iron suits- space travel- color TV- heavy metal and iPhones. Steve didn't feel like he belonged in this world, and how could he ever? Maybe if he had Peggy or Bucky, then it wouldn't matter where they were because all that would matter was that they were together, but Steve had no one. No one to care about. no one to love.

If only there was some way to escape his cruel reality just for a couple of hours…

Maybe there was…

The diary!

Steve picked it up as he had done so many times before, and started reading.

"I'm sorry, Miss Barnes, but Howard Stark is expecting someone else any minute now, and I don't think that he has any idea that you want to talk with him" The blond secretary said to Hel with an indifferent, almost mocking voice.

"Is he now? Well then… Then I suppose he doesn't he have any idea that you use your time seducing the men that come here to see him for fun either? Or would you like me to tell him?" Hel snapped back at the idiotic secretary.

"How… How did you know that?" The secretary shot up from her seat in pure surprise.

"Well, it's actually pretty obvious. This job can be kind of boring am I right? And the people who come and see Stark is often important people who most likely have made the newspaper once or twice. I bet that you're hoping that one of them falls in love with you, am I right? So how does it work? You sit in your chair over there. You pretend to read the newspaper, and when they come asking for Stark, you pretend that it's only now that you realize who they are? Do you… Point to the newspaper and call them heroes? Do you walk closer to them until you can feel their breath, and then kiss them?" Hel couldn't help, but mock this woman. Last time she was here, she had seen the secretary in action, and she didn't approve of her methods.

"Have you ever tried it? Maybe you wouldn't be so skeptic if you tried my methods in action" The secretary defended.

"Listen… The only thing you get out of doing "your method" is that you pressure someone in to kissing you against their will" Some men was just too nice to tell women directly that they weren't interested, and Hel hated this woman for taking advantage of this.

"Stark is not expecting you, so I'm afraid I have to ask you to leave." The secretary said insistently.

"Listen..." Hel had grown impatient with the secretary now. She was always like this whenever she came to talk with Howard. She had met him a couple of months ago, and they had quickly become close friends. She had even made him stop hitting on her. It wasn't that important what she had come here for. Actually she had only come to talk with Stark, but the attitude that idiotic secretary treated her with had made Hel insistent in meeting Howard. Today.

"If the person Stark is expecting, (whoever he is) shows up, tell him that Stark is in a meeting, okay?" She didn't wait for the secretary's response she just walked away towards the door that said "Howard Stark"

"What a piece of work" Hel laughed as she opened the door, and saw Howard sitting at his desk; clearly frustrated about some paperwork.

"Helen!" Howard smiled when he realized who was standing in front of her.

"What is?" He continued. He seemed to be happy to see her.

"Your secretary of course!" She laughed, as she slammed the door behind her. They were completely alone in the room.

"You do know that she's hitting on all of your friends right?" She continued.

"I'm sorry about her, Helen, but despite the flirting she really IS a good secretary" Howard smiled apologetically.

"Yeah, and a gold digger" Hel said with a sour hint in her voice as she sat down on Howards desk, and ripped the papers that clearly frustrated him out of his hand.

"Applications for Captain America's replacement?" Hel asked him confused.

"You're still trying to do this?" She continued. They had already tried, and failed to replace the actor of Captain America in the children shows. Hel couldn't see why they were trying so hard to save that franchise.

"Yes" Howard sighed.

"But it doesn't seem to be working at all." It was complicated, this Hel knew. Captain America had been a success, and with him around they had raised a lot of money. At the same time Hel thought that the whole Captain America thing was a little bit lame. She had nothing against the guy, but the whole dancing number was a bit too much.

"Maybe, if you came up with something new?" She suggested.

"Like what?" He asked her curiously.

"Well. For starters, you could re-write the lame song" Hel smiled.

"Lame? Is it lame?" Stark almost seemed offended.

"Tell you what. Let me sing it to you, and you can hear it for yourself. Try to really listen to the lyrics" Hel said, and Stark nodded.

"Carefully!" Hel pointed out with a firm tone.

"Alright, alright" Stark gave in.

"I'll listen carefully" He seemed serious, but he was also smiling.

Hel laughed a bit before she started to sing:

"Who's strong and brave, here so save the American way?

Who vows to fight like a man for what's right night and day?

Who will campaign door-to-door for America, carry a flag shore to shore for America.

From Hoboken to Spokane, the star spangled man with a plan!

We can't ignore there's a threat and a war we must win.

Who'll hang a noose on the goose-stepping goons from Berlin?

Who will indeed heed the call for America.

Who'll rise or fall, give his all for America.

Who's here to prove that we can?

The star spangled man with a plan!

Stalwart and steady and true.

Forceful and ready to defend the

Red, White and Blue!

Who'll give the Axis the sack, and is smart as a fox?

Who's making Adolf afraid to step out of his box?

Who'll wake the giant that napped in America?

We know it's no-one but Captain America.

Who'll finish what they began?

Who'll kick the Krauts to Japan?

The star spangled man with a plan!"

She had sung the song for Howard to prove a point, but somewhere in the middle of the song, he had stopped frowning from the lyrics, and started smiling. His brown eyes had started sparkling with mischief, and Hel wondered what exactly was going through that troubled mind of his at that moment. She thought that he may be thinking of a way to improve the song, and she was right. But as it was with all Starks; he had taken her idea to improve the franchise, and exaggerated it.

She would soon learn exactly what Howard Stark had in store for her, and she wouldn't like it.

She wouldn't like it one bit…

** (POV from Colonel Chester Phillips; Steve can still read this part.)**

The Colonel was sitting peacefully at his desk when the door to his office suddenly flew open, and Howard Stark entered with a huge grin on his face. He was closely followed by the former Nazi girl: Hel, who (opposite to Stark) was frowning, and did not seem happy.

"Colonel! I have the most amazing idea!" Stark grinned hopefully as he dropped a newspaper on his desk.

"Stark, I told you no! I won't do it!" The woman said angrily.

The Colonel did not utter a single word; he just lifted the newspaper and read the part, Stark had pointed out with a pen.

"Another replacement for the Captain America show, failed!" That was what he had pointed out? Why?

Helen Barnes, as she was called now, was in a heated argument with Stark about something. He wasn't sure what exactly they were fighting about, but she kept telling him that she "wasn't going to do it" and he kept saying that "she had to for the good of America". The Colonel just sat there for a good ten minutes or so; listening to them arguing, until he finally had enough.

"Can someone please tell me why you are arguing in my office?" He asked coldly, and as soon as he had said that; the room went deadly silent.

"I have found a way to replace Captain America" Stark announced proudly. At this the Colonel arched an eyebrow and wrinkled his nose.

"I should hope not! He is one of the best secret weapons we have against the Nazis" He stated bluntly.

"What? No! Not in the battlefield! In show-business!" Stark explained.

"Oh? And how exactly are you gonna do that? Every single time you have tried, you've failed" The Colonel said, pointing to the very same newspaper, Stark had just given him a few minutes earlier.

"That's because I've been looking at it from the wrong angle! I'm telling you, this new plan of mine is bulletproof" Stark defended.

"And what "plan" is that?" The Colonel asked skeptically.

"Okay… Get this…" Stark smiled as he built up the excitement in the room just as any good showman would do…

"We create… A female counterpart!" he burst out excitedly. The Colonel pondered this idea for a minute before answering.

"A female counterpart, huh? That's actually not a bad idea… And why did you come to me with the idea?" Stark smiled at this.

"Because I want her to play the role" he answered and pointed to a very displeased Helen Barnes.

"Yeah? Well, I'm not gonna do it, and you can't make me!" The woman complained.

"Stark." The Colonel sighed.

"Why do you want a former Nazi to play the female counterpart of Captain America? And when it's obvious she won't agree?" He continued in confusion.

"Because she sang to me earlier, and I have never heard anyone with such a beautiful singing voice" He explained.

"And I came here because I know you can make her realize that this is the best thing to do" He continued, but was interrupted by Helen.

"I have never met this "Steven Rogers" and suddenly I have to pretend to be married to him? No way!" The Colonel still didn't trust Helen, and he didn't really care about the Captain America franchise, but he saw this as an opportunity… An opportunity, to see how willing this woman actually was to helping America win the war.

"Helen, I want you to do this" He started.

"But" She complained, the Colonel cut her off and continued.

"We helped you with a new identity, so that you can hide from your father, and I think it's time you paid back your debt to us"

"What? Seriously!? Are you really gonna make me…" She was cut off again.

"Helen! You owe us that much!"

"Really!?" Helen started.

"I KNOW that I owe you a lot, but THIS!? You cannot be serious! You CANNOT force me to step up on a stage and SING! I won't do it! And YOU can't make me!"

**A few weeks later:**

"So… Are you ready?"

"I hate you"

"Don't say that"

"I. Hate. You" Hel repeated to Howard, putting pressure on every word. She was wearing a dress that screamed America. The top was blue with white stars set randomly around everywhere; it had no sleeves and revealed the full of Hel's bare shoulders. The skirt that reached her knees in length was ripped up slivers of fabric shifting between being a white piece of torn off fabric and being red ones. To sum it up, the dress looked like someone folded the American flag in to a dress. To top off the outfit, she was wearing red gloves that reached her elbows in length and some red, high heeled boots. It wasn't real high heels, but ones that was kind of flat too so they would be fit for dancing on stage. Her blond hair had been curled and puffed up to an amazing size (The only thing Hel actually liked). Of course she also wore some jewelry in the "Red, white and blue" theme, but she didn't mind them. Then there was her make-up… She was wearing a blue eye shadow that almost reached her eyebrows, if you asked Hel it looked like someone had punched her in the face, but the stylists had insisted. Her lashes were black and lush with mascara which actually fit her quite well, she was wearing ever so slightly a bit of blush to give her that fresh look, all completed with the crimson red lipstick that occupied her lips. Hel felt like an idiot wearing all of this and having to perform a song in front of hundreds of angry Captain America fans didn't help. She knew exactly what was going to happen the minute she stepped out on that stage… People would hate her; they would throw things at her and shout after Captain America.

"Oh come on Helen, It will be great!" Howard encouraged.

"And honestly it's not like anyone is forcing you" He continued when Hel didn't answer him.

"You threatened to kick me out of the country" Hel growled angrily at him earning a nervous look from Stark. He didn't reply. They stood there in silence for quite a while before Hel picked up the conversation again.

"But hey, this is the first show. If people receive it badly it will also be the last. And if I know the crowds as well as I think I do, they will beg for Captain America to return. I might be lucky" She was trying to shake his confidence, that much was clear and maybe she had made him a bit nervous after all, but Hel would soon learn what some people (like Steve) already learned long ago; it takes quite a lot to shake a Stark's confidence, it was actually near impossible. Howard held a straight face through the entire evening and when it was his time to introduce American Dream to the world, he didn't falter or hesitate.

When Hel heard her name be introduced on stage, only then did her stage fright kick in. The red curtains were lifted and she felt a hundred eyes (and ears) stare her down. She picked up the microphone left to her by Stark. It felt heavy; as if it weighed as much as a building. All of these people were going to hear her sing. Hel was very used to rejection and had really thought she would be able to handle this situation when people would hate her, but know that she stood there in complete silence she didn't know if she could handle it. She slowly started to lift the microphone up to her mouth. The heat from all of the projector lamps made it hard to breath. What might have been seconds, felt like hours to her because of the fright. This wasn't good… This wasn't good at all… She was supposed to speak now, but she felt as if her lips were glued together. The crowd just looked at her, they were un-amused by this; she could see it in their eyes… Obviously preparing themselves for disappointment… No… Expecting it… This wasn't going to end well; Hel knew it, maybe she should just forget it, leave the stage and take the consequences later. Yes. That was what she should do, but then… As she glanced through the crowd one last time, she saw a face that was different. It was one of a little girl, not showing un-amusement nor disappointment, but excitement. This girl looked as if she couldn't wait to see what was gonna happen next. It was as if she tried to encourage Hel to go through with this even though she had absolutely no knowledge in which situation she was in. Somehow this girl's excited expression un-glued Hel's lips. She took a deep breath and spoke.

"Good evening, America"

Authors note: So what do you guys think so far? I know it's been a long time since I updated and I'm sorry about that, but it's also been a long time since I've had a review. When I started writing this story, my intentions actually was to only follow Hel and then have "the Avengers" come in later on, but I thought that a lot of people probably would lose interest in my story if you only followed an OC so I came up with the "Diary thing" to include Steve in the earlier part of the story, but that leaves me with a full plot in mind for Hel's backstory and with Steve… I'm actually making the Steve parts up as I go (If you hadn't noticed) So here is my request: To all of you who wants to read my crappy writing: Is there anything you want to see Steve do/see/experience? Please let me know in a review. Also (last thing, I promise) I'm considering rewriting chapter 12 (Making it a bit longer by adding more details) Thoughts? You are ALWAYS welcome to PM or Review it there's ANYTHING you're happy/unhappy about.


	14. Bucky

**Authors note:** I realized that I hadn't included Bucky very much in the story yet, which is a shame since he plays a big role in Hel's life. I hope you guys know that they have a brother/sister relationship and that they love each other very much. This chapter will have a lot of Bucky, so I hope you're ready for that.

**Enjoy:**

Hel had a bad feeling deep down in her gut, a nervous weariness that filled her, making it incredibly difficult for her to breath. It was almost like butterflies in her stomach, only it reached every fiber of her body. She kept shifting uncomfortably on the spot on the couch in which she was currently seated. She was that nervous… The letter in which she held in her hand was from Bucky. She could clearly recognize the calm and curly letters of his handwriting. Her gaze kept skimming the page over and over again, though she didn't read the words anymore. She just kept focusing on his handwriting. Besides she had read it properly, over and over again a thousand times. She had kept reading it and then reading it, and then reading it again. At some point doing this, she had forgotten to pick up the words and had started focusing on the handwriting. It wasn't like Hel hadn't seen handwriting before, in fact she had seen it many times reading letters and old books when she had lived with Hydra, but… For some strange reason Hel couldn't quite explain, Bucky's handwriting was different from all the others. Was it because she knew the sender and that the letter was addressed to her specifically? Or had it something to do with the kindness and sincerity behind the words? They hadn't allowed "happiness" back with Hydra and they had been anything but kind. She had always been pushed around and used as a punching bag for all of their frustrations. If someone had had a bad day; they had taken it out on her. If someone had disagreed with the decisions her father had made, but was too scared to punch him in the face; they'd always go to her. They'd always go beat up the unloved daughter because they knew her father wouldn't mind. He had actually at some point encouraged the Nazi soldiers to take all unneeded anger out on her.

"Unloved"

She whispered to herself in a hoarse and barely audible voice. The word haunted her every night in her nightmares. They were the seven letters that held far too much of a horrible meaning to her. All her life she had felt unloved.

Hell; Hel wasn't even sure that she knew exactly what love really was. Not that you could blame her for that; her own father had tried to drown her in melted silver after all. Not to mention throwing her overboard, leaving her to drift in the sea for five days before she had finally washed up on a beach she still didn't know the location of. She could only consider herself lucky that the "mystery beach" as she called it now had been the location of a secret American army base. And that's where Bucky entered the picture and turned her whole life around. He had welcomed a complete stranger in to his home with open arms and introduced her to his unconditional love and goodhearted kindness. Hel had always felt that she lived in her own little shell. And had promised to herself many times, that no one and nothing would ever be allowed inside it. In reality she hadn't ever wanted anyone to come inside and she had fully believed that she was contempt with living like that forever. Then along came Bucky and forced himself inside the shell. He was slowly breaking her ice cold heart; Hydra had worked so hard to freeze and he didn't even know he was doing it. He had never asked her about her past as he probably knew that it was a very sensible subject and to that she was grateful, yet suspicious. Sure, he knew who her father was and that she had been raised in the Hydra way, but she doubted he knew what that even meant to the full extent of it. Of this she felt incredibly guilty… He deserved to know everything there was to know about her; he really did. Considering that he was slowly changing her into a better person. Of course Joshua did his part as well, but not to the same extent.

This however wasn't what plagued her guilty mind at the moment as she read the letter from Bucky once again. There were a lot of words written down on the paper, but in the end it all came down to one thing:

Bucky, was coming home. Only for a day or two, but the important thing was that he was indeed coming. In fact he could be arriving at any minute, the tension in her body, increasing by every second passing by.

The thing that plagued her was of course the whole "American Dream" thing. (Obviously). Turns out that the sales in war bonds had increased heavily, from the day she stepped on that scene. Now, Howard Stark was planning a big show tour to make her the new face of the Captain America brand. Of course Hel was glad that she could help, but seriously? She had learned to accept the dresses she had to wear. She had learned to accept the American sweetheart attitude she had to act with. And she had actually learned to love the singing and accept the sugarcoated lyrics. There was really only one thing she couldn't accept. And that was telling people she was married to Captain America. It seemed wrong, in so many ways. To start with she had never met the guy. Then there was the fact that she was currently engaged with Joshua. She often wondered if Captain America himself had a saying in this matter. If they had asked him first and if he even knew what was going on in Howards scheming head. Letting the whole population of America think that he was married to her could impossibly be good for his love life. He probably wouldn't be able to find a girl worthy of him since every descent woman with the least bit of honor wouldn't go after a married man. Joshua wouldn't be happy about this lie either, but Hel doubted that he would actually leave her because of it.

The most important reason though; for Hel to hate this set up was because she a few months prior had learned to her surprise that Bucky was in fact, Captain America's best friend. And had been, ever since they both were children. What would Bucky say when he learned that his stepsister had to pretend to be his best friend's wife? Would he get angry? Would he hate her? How dared she take the liberty to just steal the whole image of his best friend? Stars, stripes and all… This was really frustrating… What should she do when he arrived? How should she put it when she explained? What would be the aftermath of this (very likely to become a) fight? She had no answers… None at all… She didn't want him to hate her, but knowing Bucky he probably wouldn't. Now that she thought about it; had she ever really seen Bucky angry? No… Irritated? Maybe… But never at her… So maybe if she was lucky she could aim at him getting irritated. That sounded like a plan.

Irritated she hoped for.

She was abruptly ripped out of her own little worried world when she heard the door to the apartment open up and Bucky stepped in. He looked tired, but he seemed to be in a good mood. "Good" Hel thought to herself. "It's better to tell him when he's in a good mood rather than in a bad one" When he caught sight of her, his lips turned from a small smile into a wide one and his eyes started to show joy.

"Hel!" He exclaimed happily; obviously happy to see her. She didn't respond; the nervousness of telling him everything had finally caused some sort of breakdown when she finally had seen his face and she found herself, unable to move and too scared to speak. Instead she chose to match his wide smile and tried as hard as she could to make it look like she had missed him as much as she actually had. It was hard though; and judging from the look in Bucky's eyes, he had noticed something was wrong. The look had only showed in his eyes for a split second before turning into the happy look again, but Hel had noticed. She sighed internally at this. She knew all too well what was going to happen now: He would "Bucky" her. Or that's what she called it. He had this thing where he would act as if nothing was wrong and that he hadn't noticed anything out of the ordinary. Then he would ask questions that could be used to a normal conversation, but when put together some of them was bound to hit a spot to what was wrong. And because he would act calm and collected the whole time. The victim would feel a need to tell him everything that haunts them.

"The kindness interrogation" She also called it sometimes.

Bucky started by quickly throwing himself in to the seat on the couch next to her. Hel had seen him use this method many times before and he had also used it on her a couple times, so she was well aware of what was coming.

"Hey, Bucky!" She said, finally opening her mouth.

"How are you?" She continued, still with a wide smile on her lips.

"Well, maybe I should ask you the same question" He answered, to her big surprise. That's not how he usually did this.

"What do you mean?" She asked him, unable to come up with a better answer.

He sighed.

"Come on, Hel. I know you well enough now to know when something's wrong and since you've looked through my usual methods of finding things out, I guess I have to ask you directly this time…. So… What's wrong" His answer surprised her. Did he really know her that well?

"You literally just got home; can we talk about this later?" She stalled, not wanting to throw bad news at his face as the first thing she did when he got home. She hadn't seen Bucky for such a long time and she didn't want to ruin the reunion; even though they obviously had crossed that line long ago.

"No… Hel, something is seriously wrong and I need you to tell me what it is" He pushed.

Hel snapped herself out of the fear of telling and switched it to frustration.

"Fine" She said with a frustrated sigh.

"Remember that I owe a favor to the American army for helping me?" She asked carefully, trying to ease in to the point of the story.

Bucky shifted uncomfortably in his seat when hearing this.

"Yes?" He answered suspiciously. This was going to be tougher for Hel to say than she had thought it to be.

"Well, it looks like they're ready to cash it in" She sighed, anxious about getting to the point.

At this, Bucky's eyes widened in fear as he looked at her like an older brother would look at his little sister if she had gotten herself in to terrible trouble.

"Wha…" He stammered.

"What do they want from you?" It was obvious that he thought it might be something dangerous, so Hel mentally slapped herself for not making that part perfectly clear.

"They want me to become the new face of the Captain America brand." She blurted out, no longer afraid of what he might say. He had been worried that it might be something dangerous and there was no way in hell she would let him worry about her when there was absolutely nothing to worry about.

Bucky's head tilted in confusion, his brow almost at his hairline and his mouth slightly gaping in disbelief.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" He asked, surprisingly calm.

"It means that the Captain America brand needed a little help selling war bonds and that Howard Stark had an idea about how that could involve me." His facial expression didn't change much at her response so she continued.

"Every time they tried to switch the actor of Captain America, it hadn't quite been the same and children sensed this. Every attempt on keeping the Captain America brand alive has crashed and burned. So Howard Stark had the idea of making a female version of him" Bucky let out a small snort at that last piece of information, but he didn't respond further.

"He wants me to become the female version which he by the way calls "American Dream" because he accidentally heard me sing once and apparently I am the only person right for the role" She continued with a small smile.

"Not that I want to do it, but the Colonel seemed to agree with Stark and now I'm supposed to go on a US tour, performing this awful show he wrote" She finished in frustration; now it was his turn to speak.

"Wow…" He mustered out.

"That is a lot to take in…" He paused for a second before his classic Bucky smirk returned to its rightful place on his lips and he spoke.

"But don't worry about it. If all the other attempts crashed and failed, this one probably will too. I mean they gotta do some sort of trial run before planning a whole US tour, right?" A sigh escaped Hel's lips for the hundredth time that day.

"They already did one of those" She said.

She was greeted with confused silence.

"I was a huge success, so they decided to go through with it… I am officially the female counterpart of Captain America" She continued with worry. She hadn't even gotten to the worst part about being "married" to him yet and she already thought this conversation sucked. The screaming silence continued to haunt the room, following the beat to Bucky's wide eyes. It lasted for a full thirty seconds after her statement before it was broken, to Hel's huge surprise by the most genuine and amused laughter she had ever heard Bucky let out. It didn't feel like he was laughing at her… More of the situation; perhaps, because he thought she had overreacted about how bad the news really were? Or…. What? What was he laughing at? Tears streamed down his cheeks and settled in the corners of his very wide grin as he kept laughing. It was calming to look at. An angry Bucky was a horrible sight, but a laughing Bucky could always calm everyone around him. She wondered why he didn't have that many friends. He had only ever mentioned Steve which stroke Hel as odd. Who wouldn't want to be friends with someone like Bucky?

"And what exactly do you think is so funny?" She asked with crossed arms and a lifted brow.

"It's just that…" He managed to say before falling into laughing mode again.

"It's just that…" He said again.

"That…" He said trying really hard to get the laughter under control.

"That… Oh god" He fell under again.

"Bucky! If you don't stop laughing and tell me exactly what's so funny; I will smack you in the face with a frying pan" She threatened un-seriously.

"Do you understand me?"

This only made him laugh even harder than before.

"Shut up" She tried to no use.

Well… It was nice to hear him laugh, even though the reason pissed her off.

"I'm sorry" He finally broke.

"I'm not laughing at you, I'm just… How exactly is this gonna work? I mean, do you play his sister or his best friend or…?" He asked her.

"His wife" She responded quickly, closing her eyes. She dreaded his response for a while, though the one she got was unexpected.

Her answer had been greeted with a semi long silence. He had tilted his head in confusion and then he had spoken.

"You… You're kidding…" He said with a soft voice, before doubt struck his mind and he added a halfhearted "Right?" after a while.

"Not really" She reached for a velvet box given to her by Howard. Guilt filled her mind when she cupped it in her hands and flipped it open to reveal a golden wedding ring inside.

"This was given to me by Howard. I can't believe that they really wasted so much of the budget for such a small detail" It wasn't because she cared how Howard used the budget, but it annoyed her that he had put so much focus on the fake marriage. Especially since, she felt so guilty about it.

Bucky reached for the box, took it with a firm grip and drew it closer to himself so he could better examine it. He looked at it in awe before he noticed something. The same thing that Hel had noticed when examining the ring for the first time and the same thing that had made her shake her head in embarrassment.

"For the war inside my heart?" Bucky asked disbelievingly, reading the text engraved in the gold.

"I know… Lame… Right?" She laughed unaware of how to react in situations like this. She hadn't dared to look at him yet. So she had no idea what was going on inside his head. Apparently not much… Suddenly, his laughter returned at full power.

"They have got to be kidding" He laughed, clearly disappointed in the lack of creativity on Howard's side.

"It's still not funny, Bucky" Hel said in a displeased tone.

"Do you have any idea how annoying it is to be forced to do this?" Bucky's laughter faltered at her comment, but it still shone clear in his face.

"I can only imagine" He laughed.

"Which reminds me, does Steve know about this?" He continued, startling Hel.

"I… I don't think so" She stammered confused. The fact that Captain America himself probably would disapprove of this only added to Hel's guilty conscience. It was a thought that would anger anyone; Bucky however fell in to heavy laughter again.

"This…" He gasped between laughing and breathing.

"Is… Just… Precious!" He was laughing so hard he had to keep his arms crossed over his stomach to prevent cramps.

"Ohhh…. I can't wait to see the look on his face when I tell him! Please can I be the one to tell him!?" He exclaimed, very amused. He didn't even notice that Hel had crossed her arms across her chest and was pouting in protest of his laughter.

"It's not funny" She repeated.

"No…" He responded to her surprise. Maybe he really had something serious to say about this?

"No it's not" He continued making Hel stop pouting, uncross her arms and look at him in anticipation. His face was hot and red and he suddenly bore a very serious look on his face. He looked like he was about to burst…

Silence…

Silence struck the room for a total of sixty seconds…

Bucky finally broke the silence after a while…

"It's HILARIOUS" He screamed before bursting with laughter once again.

Hel felt like she was talking with an idiot, or at least not someone who listened. So when she started talking this time, even though directed at him she was mostly talking to herself.

"Maybe it's funny for you, but you're not the one getting humiliated are you?" She complained.

"The screaming dresses, the awful song lyrics, the whore-ish make-up (That's right, Hel said whore-ish) and the awful backstory. All completed with this stupid blond wig I can't even take off when I get home" She crossed her arms again in defeat. Howard Stark had won the battle of her dignity.

"Why can't you take it off when you get home?" Bucky asked her after finally noticing her pouting. She turned to look at him like he had just asked her why you shouldn't touch fire with your bare hands.

"Do you have any idea what my hair looks like under this wig?" She asked in disgust after just thinking about how those stylist bastards cut her hair to fit the wig.

"It's awful! And not much longer than your hair" She explained in frustration.

"I don't mind" Bucky replied right back. He seemed to be missing the point. Hel hated that she couldn't be herself and that she was forced to hide her true nature, but she also kind of needed to. After meeting Howard, Bucky and then Joshua, she really wanted to change character. No one really changes completely and that wasn't what she meant by wanting to change, but there were parts of her. Parts being the result of a childhood with Hydra she really wanted to get rid of. Her entire grip on reality and how the world works changed as soon as she got away from Hydra and she needed to find out who she was. She wasn't like any other person in this new place she had been brought to, but she wasn't a part of Hydra either. Truthfully, she had no idea who she was and playing different characters that had been assigned to her didn't help her figure out anything. This was really Hel's dilemma; she suffered from a major culture shock and had no idea what was appropriate. She didn't plan on telling Bucky anything though; he had enough problems on his own, a war going on and everything. She had a feeling that just like Hel hid all of her demons from him, Bucky hid all of his from her. She could see it in his eyes though… He was tired of this war, tired of being a soldier. Bucky was the kind of person who broke fights up, not the kind of person initiating in one. He was good at what he did though; that wasn't what she meant. He was just tired… Tired of fighting… But despite his own problems, he kept soldiering on as must Hel. She only hoped that one day it would all get better. That the war would end, her father would be defeated and Hel could stop hiding and start finding out who she really was underneath that layer of blond hair, American accent and innocent America's sweetheart attitude. She only hoped that Bucky and Joshua would stay with her after that.

"Come on Hel, it can't be that bad. Besides, I've seen your hair before and the pretty color should make up for what it lacks in length" Bucky finally said, startling Hel ever so slightly.

"When did you see my hair?" She had always been extra careful in not letting Bucky see her real hair. Even though she wasn't what you could call a "lady" or a "dame" she did appear to care about her exterior to some extent.

"When I found you that day washed up on the beach. Don't you remember?" He answered her, though treading carefully. That day at the mystery beach was obviously kind of a sore subject.

"And you remember my hair color that well?" She was honestly a little confused; how could he remember such an insignificant detail?

"Sure I do, why shouldn't I?" He asked innocently.

"Uhhmm…. Because I thought you would be way more interested in the silver around my mouth, than the details of how I looked" She deadpanned.

"True… But you know me… I'm a ladies man… I always notice the details" He joked, though Hel was pretty sure that he meant it.

"Bucky, can I ask you something?"

There was a question Hel had burned to know the answer of, ever since the first time she had met Bucky. She had been too scared to ask him, so she had kept it to herself. She couldn't do that for much longer, so it was now or never.

"Sure, what is it?" He smiled jokingly like he always did.

"Why…" She hesitated; was this a bad idea? Probably… But she had to know…

"Why did you even do it?" She asked.

"Do what?" He was still smiling that bright Bucky smile which comforted her and somehow helped her gain courage to blurt out the rest of her question.

"Why did you volunteer to help me?" Her words wiped his smile away and shattered it to oblivion, but Hel continued.

"It just seems strange to me that you would help a complete stranger like that. Especially when no one else dared to" –Because I was a Nazi- She added in her mind, but didn't dare to speak the words out loud.

"Well" His voice had turned somewhat sad and there was a strain of pain mixed in there too.

"No one else came close enough to really SEE you… Not like I did anyway." He paused… This was gonna take a while for him to explain. She stayed silent, waiting for him to continue.

"It's hard to explain, but when the other men backed away from you when they noticed your Nazi/Hydra uniform, I stayed to do my job despite it. I thought at the time that if you really were a Nazi, we could save your life and maybe get some useful information from you in return. The silver around your mouth confused me, but it also piqued my interest. I might have been interested, but I still only saw you as part of my job. I know it's horrible, but you were just another mission. I didn't think much of what I was doing, but then you opened your eyes… You turned your head to look at me and what I saw changed everything… You kinda had the look of an injured bird, confusing me and throwing me off guard. Then I saw the sorrow and hate so clearly written all over you; at that moment, you were like an open book that I couldn't resist to wanting to help. You looked sad, hurt and betrayed and I just knew right there that I had to help you out… I… I figured you couldn't be that bad when you could look at me like that…"

Hel opened her mouth to protest, but Bucky cut her off and continued before she could utter a single sound.

"And I was right… A few days later, the Colonel called in all the soldiers that had seen you on the beach that day and explained your situation for us. How you were a Hydra runaway and how you needed a secret identity to hide from your father. He then asked us if anyone there would be willing to help you hide. No one volunteered which angered me and I just couldn't resist the urge to raise my hand. I wanted to know what kind of person you were and I'm glad I did. Now that I know you… It's hard to imagine life without a sister." He smirked and gave her a friendly push at her shoulder as he said that last remark.

Hel didn't know what to say. She was dumbfounded at the explanation… How was she supposed to answer to a confession like that?

"Of course I did it more out of curiosity than anything else" He added, clearly not wanting Hel to think that he had done it because he had felt sorry for her. He probably had, felt sorry for her that was, but she was well aware that that wasn't the reason for her being there.

Bucky was pure kindness and he always saw the best in everyone. He had always loved to challenge himself by trying to reach people and getting to know those sides of them. She had always admired his ability to make these sides of people shine through, as bright as they could get. And after 24 years of Hydra treatment, Hel doubted there was anything else that was as good for her right now as Bucky. Someone needed to soften that hardened heart of hers; and who better to do that than Bucky Barnes? The heart softener, himself.

"Are you okay Hel?" Bucky broke the silence after a long time where she had just stared at him.

"It's okay to be mad at me you know" He added, silencing Hel once more. But only for a moment.

"Mad at you? Why would I be mad at you?" She finally asked, sounding almost insulted."I have spent the whole day dreading whether or not you would be mad at me and now you turn it completely around? What is wrong with you?" A smile threatened to pull at the corners of his mouth, but they stayed put.

"I could never be mad at you, Hel. You know that, right?" He was completely serious, but so was Hel.

"Then why do you think I could be mad at you? And for helping me too! I'm not mad at you for that; I'm grateful" Now the smile had been allowed to tug at his lips, turning it in to a bright smile.

"Well, then I guess you're welcome" He laughed, the tension between them fading away into nothing.

The silence returned though; neither of them knowing what to say.

It was Hel who finally broke the silence, after ten minutes.

"Did I really have sorrow and hate written that clearly in my eyes?" She asked him casually. He turned his head to look at her.

"Yeah" He answered.

"It was written clearly in your whole face" He half joked, though she knew he was serious.

"Wow" She threw herself longer down in the couch.

"That doesn't sound at all like something I should have done" She sighed, staring blindly in the air.

Bucky didn't answer her for a long time; he just sat there, looking confused.

"Why not?" He finally asked her, with his usual grin on his face.

She still didn't look at him as she answered.

"I had just arrived from my life as a member of Hydra. It's not allowed to show emotions with them… Usually if I showed any kind of emotion; I would get punished… As would anyone else who did it. To them… Emotion is weakness… Hydra has zero tolerance for weakness." She answered bluntly, thinking nothing of it. What she had just said was a true fact of life for her: show any kind of emotion that isn't hot rage or anger. Get punished.

It had been an everyday thing for her in little over 24 years; completely casual conversation topic. That's why she didn't understand why Bucky's grin had disappeared, why he was gaping or why he was looking at her with disbelieving eyes.

"What?" She asked him… He didn't answer her for a long time; he just kept staring dumbfounded at her.

"Nothing… It… It's just that…" He paused; unsure whether or not he should finish the sentence. He finally decided on doing so.

"You've never actually mentioned your life with Hydra before… I didn't think you wanted to talk about it." By hearing those words, Hel sat up on the couch.

"Oh…" She said, no longer confused.

"I guess I don't" she shrugged.

"Most of the time, I just want to forget."

She turned to look at him.

"But sometimes, there's things about this "World" (If you can put it like that) that confuses me; because, Hydra life was so very different." Hel thought back to a specific moment where this had been true.

It had been the time, a few months ago where Bucky had taken far too long to get home and Hel had been worried out of her mind. So worried, in fact that she had bumped in to someone in the hallway on her way home. She had been half expecting for the man to yell and probably hit her too. So when he had apologized instead, she had been so taken aback that she had no idea how to react. On top of that, she had been very worried about Bucky. So she had just ignored him without even listening to what he had said to her. (Not entirely anyway) What had he said his name had been? Steve? Could it have been the same Steve? It was entirely possible (Bucky being his best friend and all) but Hel had decided long ago not to believe that. That would have been far too embarrassing.

"You know that you can just ask if there's anything you're confused about, right?" Bucky was smiling, but he was clearly worried about something.

"Yes, I know… Thank you."

He didn't answer and he still looked worried.

"And YOU do know that if you're curious or need to know anything about me, all you need to do is ask."

She held a short pause before continuing.

"Even if it has something to do with Hydra… I can handle it… Believe me." She smiled… A sad smile, but a smile never the less.

"I actually do have a question for you…" He admitted.

"I know" She smirked. Bucky wasn't the best at lying or hiding emotions; not to her anyway.

"Ask me." She pushed, forcing him to ask.

"You said that you… were punished for showing emotions…? Punished, how?"

The question didn't surprise her. It was so typical Bucky to worry about something like that.

She kept silent as she pulled up the sleeve on her right arm, revealing a long line of different scars as an answer.

"The round ones…" She then said in an indifferent way that clearly disturbed him. She talked as if what she was answering was a normal everyday question like: "Hey Hel, which piece of jewelry are you wearing today? The cute heart shaped one? Or the pretty round one?"

Again, Bucky was staring wide eyed at her. He looked at all the different shapes of scars on her arm. Hel knew that there wasn't many round ones. She had always been good at hiding her emotions. At this particular thing; she was a natural. (Luckily)

Unfortunately there had been a lot of Hydra rules she hadn't been quite as good at keeping. She could feel him look over all the other different shapes those punishments had left behind: Squares, dots, lines, stiches, and a few with no specific shape, but still every bit as horrifying as the others.

She hadn't thought much of it when she had showed him these scars, but when she looked at him now; wide eyed and horrified; she couldn't help but wonder if she had done something wrong. She confirmed herself of her worries as she looked in to his eyes and saw something there, she had never ever seen in him before…

Not ever….

Not even once…

Anger…

Pure… Horrifying…Terrible… Anger.

Had she stepped over the line when she had showed him those scars?

Probably…

She always screwed up.

"I'm sorry" She apologized as she pulled her arm away abruptly.

"I shouldn't have showed you that"

He didn't look away from where her arm had been. Instead he just sat there and stared at the air with the weirdest, hurt expression on his face.

"Can I ask you something?" He finally said with a faraway voice. She wondered what could be on his mind; whatever it was, it couldn't be good.

"Sure" She swallowed hard still wondering whether or not, he was angry with her; the possibility twisting her gut around. She was so afraid that the only person, who had ever been kind to her, was angry because she had done something wrong.

That she blew it…

"What are the other scars for?" He asked hesitantly, startling her with the overwhelming worry in his voice.

"I don't know" She shrugged.

"So many different things, really."

She couldn't resist. He had asked her what the other scars had been for, so she pulled up her arm again and started naming the different crimes to the different scars.

"Slacking, disobedience, anger, frustration, taking too long, lab experiments and many others I can't quite explain" She said while pointing to the different shapes, purposely not telling him that the anger and frustration scars had been when others had been angry or frustrated and needed a punching bag, not because she had been angry or frustrated.

She was greeted with Silence…

Silence again…

Looking at her with a hurt look, which made her miss the laughter, he had been bursting with no longer than five minutes ago.

"I'm sorry" She said again, when she saw his awfully shocked and angry expression.

"Why?" He responded barely above a whisper.

"I'm not angry at you if that's what you think" He was lying. He had to. He was clearly furious! He didn't show any signs of lying though. Maybe he was more talented than she thought? Or maybe she was overthinking things? She was left with no choice, but to ask.

"If not me, then who are you angry with?" Bucky looked shocked that she hadn't figured that one out yet.

"The bastards that did this to you, of course!" He practically yelled angrily.

"What kind of people would do this to a little girl!? There's a special place in HELL for people like this! And I'm pretty sure it starts with a skull crushing kick to the balls with the heel of my boot and a solid round of bullets to the ass with my service gun! This is beyond unacceptable! This is OUTRAGEOUS!" Bucky had gotten off the couch as he spoke and started pacing back and forth in the living room throwing his arms around in the air. He seemed to be extremely passionate in his words. The words however passionate for him had just shocked and startled Hel completely.

Sure, Hel knew Bucky could be "a potty mouth" if he felt mischievous or if he got irritated, but never had she heard his angry talk. She guessed she had now.

Still… That wasn't at all what startled her… It was all the words he had used that had put a mark on her. One more than the others…

Outrageous…

Outrageous?

She didn't quite understand Bucky's line of thinking.

"How can you say that? You don't know whether or not I deserved it." She hadn't intended on defending Hydra, but she didn't really know that Bucky (and every other normal person for that matter) considered the actions they had done to her, very wrong. The look, Bucky gave her as an explanation was so scary, Hel had to look away. He looked angry, worried and hurt at the same time as his face flushed with anger.

"Do you really think any action could ever justify scarring your own child?" He replied.

"I don't know, I mean if I ever have children someday, I would never do it, but…" She was cut off by Bucky's ranting.

"I swear; I will make these bastards pay for hurting my little sister, I…" To Bucky's and Hel's own big surprise, she started laughing at that. A small appreciative laugh followed by a small statement.

"You… Beating the crap out of my father? I don't know if you'd want to meet him, but if that happens, be sure to save me some tickets to the front row seats." She smiled and Bucky sighed. He looked like he was contemplating whether or not he should tell her something.

"Well…" He took a deep breath.

"I actually HAVE met him once" He admitted to her with great difficulty.

"What?"

And then, Bucky proceeded telling the story of how he had been captured by Hydra, how they had done experiments on him and how Captain America had swooped in and saved the day.

To think that Bucky had been face to face with her father, scared her and made her want to hide even further than she already was, but the mere thought of Bucky getting tortured for information angered her so much that she couldn't even keep her mouth shut.

"He did his crazy experiments on you too!?" She yelled, not caring that Bucky had raised a questioning eyebrow at the word "too"

"This has gone far enough!" She continued in anger.

Bucky probably already regretted telling her about the meeting, but he didn't say anything.

"Are you okay? I'm so sorry! Why didn't you tell me!?" She rambled on and slapped his arm in frustration for keeping it a secret.

"OW!" He complained.

"Yeah, I'm fine" He was smiling again.

"Why are you sorry? It wasn't you who experimented on me so you shouldn't be the one apologizing"

He was right; Hel had nothing to do with what had happened, yet she couldn't help but feel guilty.

"Maybe not, but can you blame me?" He just shook his head in reply.

"You don't get to choose where you grow up." He explained in all seriousness.

He knew…

How could he know? How could he read her that well? It plagued her every waking hour of the day; she could never get rid of it: Guilt… Guilt for once being on their side, she had done awful things to win her father's love… And what do Bucky tell her? "You don't get to choose where you grow up" He should be mad at her, he should hate her! He should fight her or try to throw her out the window! Not comfort her when she justifiably feels guilty for her crimes!

"That's no excuse!" She snapped as she got off the couch as quickly as she could and headed for the kitchen to start dinner. Tears were streaming down her face, blinding her sight. In her tear blinded sorrow, she didn't notice the door was closed so she stumbled right in to it with a thump.

Pain started flashing in her forehead. She led her hand to her head and let the injured place rest in her palm for a second, before she opened the door and walked in to the kitchen. That is… She never got to the kitchen before she felt Bucky's hand at her wrist, yanking her back so she was forced to look at him.

He looked hurt, yet slightly amused at the sight of Hel walking directly in to a door like that.

"NO… No it's not…" He stated softly.

"But it is a reason."

That was it…

Hel broke down crying.

She finally let the tears run free as she embraced Bucky, quietly sobbing. She had been through so much in the few years she had lived: Torture, lab experiments, heartbreaks and betrayal.

She felt it all… Rolling over her like waves, each memory triggering another heartbreaking sob.

"I'm so sorry Bucky… I never meant to do what I did." She sobbed one last time before pulling herself together.

"I know." He answered, taking her by the shoulders and looking at her.

"You were forced." A soft smile graced him.

"So… Tonight, the American dream show; you coming?" Hel asked, desperate to change the subject. Bucky began to smile widely and genuinely again.

"Of course I'm coming!" He smirked.

"Of course! Cause nothing beats watching your sister getting publically humiliated in front of hundreds of people." She laughed.

"And taking my best friend with you in the fall? Nope; wouldn't miss it for the world!" He laughed mischievously.

"Nothing could ever beat that!"

Peace and laughter had been restored to the small apartment in Brooklyn, but this wouldn't be the last time memories of Hydra would ruin the mood.

The nightmares and ghosts of the past was only just beginning to stir up troubles for Hel.

**Authors note:** Just so no one would ever get the idea in to their heads: Hel and Bucky will NEVER develop a romantic relationship! They are very close though… I worked very hard on this chapter, so if you could review and tell me what you think, you would make me so happy!:D

So, thanks for reading and I hope you aren't bored yet:D


	15. The choices you make

**Chapter 15: The choices you make:**

"He was a famous trumpet man from out Chicago way.

He had a boogie style that no one else could play.

He was the top man at his craft.

But then his number came up and he was gone with the draft.

He's in the army now a-blowin' reveille.

He's the boogie woogie bugle boy of company B.

They made him blow a bugle for his Uncle Sam.

It really brought him down because he couldn't jam.

The Captain seemed to understand.

Because the next day the Cap' went out and drafted a band.

And now the company jumps when he plays reveille.

He's the boogie woogie bugle boy of company B.

A-toot, a-toot, a-diddelyada-toot

He blows it eight-to-the-bar, in boogie rhythm.

He can't blow a note unless the bass and guitar playin' with him.

He makes the company jump when he plays reveille.

He's the boogie woogie bugle boy of company B.

He was some boogie woogie bugle boy of company B.

And when he plays the boogie woogie bugle he was busy as a bzzz bee.

And when he plays he makes the company jump eight-to-the-bar.

He's the boogie woogie bugle boy of company B.

Toot toot toot-diddelyada, Toot-diddelyada, toot toot.

He blows it eigth-to-the-bar.

He can't blow a note if the bass and guitar isn't with him.

Ha-ha-hand the company jumps when he plays reveille.

He's the boogie woogie bugle boy of company B.

He puts the boys to sleep with boogie every night.

And wakes 'em up the same way in the early bright.

They clap their hands and stamp their feet.

Because they know how he plays when someone gives him a beat.

He really breaks it up when he plays reveille.

He's the boogie woogie bugle boy of company B.

Dat-da da-do-do da-dup.

Dat-da da-do-do da-dup.

Dat-da da-do-do da-dup.

Dat-da da-do-do da-dup.

Ha-ha-hand the company jumps when he plays reveille.

He's the boogie woogie bugle boy of company B."

When Hel finished the final note of the song, the cheers washed over the room in overwhelming waves. Boogie woogie bugle boy wasn't exactly her favorite of songs to sing, but the crowd always seemed to love it. Bowing along with her backup dancers, she made huge kissing motions with open arms while she waited for Howard to arrive on stage. Now came the worst part of the show; definitely the most embarrassing.

"WOW! Don't you just love her!?" Howard exclaimed in the microphone, making the whole crowd cheer even louder as he walked up beside her.

"I know I do" He continued charmingly before taking her hand and placing a soft kiss on her knuckles.

Now it was her turn to talk… Her turn to embarrass herself.

"Now, now Howard… Be careful with those charms; I'm a married woman" She giggled, showing him the ring on her other hand with big motions so the audience could see it too. When showing him the ring, Howard swiftly let go of her hand and straightened up his bowing posture.

"Oh yes, I've heard about this mystery man, why he would want to keep being married to you a secret is beyond my belief. Tell me, who is this mystery man? And why is it that he persists in keeping it a secret? Is he embarrassed by you?" It was supposed to be now they revealed the "secret" to everyone. The last show she did hadn't had the "Wife" part in it because Howard thought it would be better for "marketing" and "advertising" if the marriage was revealed as a big surprise in the ending of a show where people already knew who she was.

"I can't possibly tell you Howard, you see… A secret is a secret." The grown-ups in the audience had probably already figured it out. Only the kids seemed to gleam with curiosity at the reveal of her "husband".

"Oh come on sweetheart, we can keep a secret; right guys?" Howard shouted out at the crowd who once again began to cheer.

"Are you sure?" Hel beamed with a bright smile at the crowd, making them cheer even louder. Only when the cheers had faded away and Hel could hear her own thoughts again, did she continue.

"Oh well… It has been a month, I suppose Steve wouldn't mind me telling people now" She said making it sound like she was talking to herself even though it was meant for the crowd. As soon as she had let that sentence escape her lips though, she regretted it with all her heart. It was bad enough that she was telling lies about a person she'd never met and who wasn't there, but the fact that Bucky was standing in the crowd somewhere made her stomach churn with guilt even more. The only thing that could have added more to the guilt and embarrassment was if Steve Rogers himself was in that crowd somewhere too. He might be; Stark had told her that he had invited him without telling what it was about. Hel kept her posture and her huge smile, but she could feel the color leave her face when she thought of the possibility that Captain Rogers could actually be in the crowd. It would be beyond embarrassing; it would be humiliating.

"Steve?" Howard asked, startling Hel out of her little panic attack. She nodded.

"As in Steve Rogers?" The audience kept the silence for a bit; she nodded again.

"As in CAPTAIN AMERICA!?" He exclaimed so shocked that he surprised Hel with his surprise. There was absolutely no doubt about it; Howard was a brilliant actor. So was Hel, and she got the chance to prove it now. She paused for dramatic effect; this always worked with crowds; to keep them at the edge of their seats. When she thought she had waited long enough, she sighed dramatically, looked out at the crowd with a beaming smile of happiness and joy. She literally felt sick inside, she felt like she was about to throw up and all she wanted to do was cut the stupid act, turn into a raven and fly away, but then the Colonel would send her back. If she did not do this he would give her as a peace offering to Hydra and she would lose everything. She would lose Joshua and she would lose Bucky and she couldn't let that happen. So she smiled the widest and most convincing "in love" smile anyone had ever seen an actor perform without meaning it, and for Joshua, Bucky and herself she answered barely above a whisper.

"Yes…"

The crowd cheered so loud that it almost startled her. Who would have thought that this would be such a good idea?

"WOW! That's impossible; I mean how did you even meet? When did you get married and why didn't I know about it?" How Hel didn't want to answer that question. She hated the answer. The answer was the devil!

"Well, it all started when I was captured by Nazis I guess"

"You were captured by Nazis!?" Howard interrupted.

"Yes. Me, and some men and women I didn't know. We were so lucky that Captain America came along and saved our lives." Hel breathed, sounding relieved.

"I remember the others leaving the building while he fought off the evil soldiers"

"The others? How about you?" Howard asked, worried.

"I was wounded and unable to move" She answered him regrettably.

"The building caught on fire and suddenly, all of the Nazis cowered out, leaving only the two of us… I still remember as was it yesterday it happened. When he picked me up in his strong arms and carried me out of the flames" She let out a small laugh.

"He refused to let go of me until we were safely behind the borders of America" She breathed dreamily.

Bucky was gonna make her pay for this later; she knew that all too well, and even though she couldn't see him anywhere in the crowd, she could feel his smirk and the laugh he undoubtedly was bursting with right about now. The same laugh he had let out when she had told him about all of this American Dream business earlier today. The same laugh he always used whenever she humiliated herself in public. It wasn't that he didn't feel sorry for her, or felt empathy, but he still always saw the comical thing about the situation. That was just who Bucky was: the glass half full type.

"And then what happened?" Howard asked curiously. Hel just smiled and looked dreamily to the ground as if she was privately reliving the moment in her head. "WHAT MOMENT!? THERE IS NO MOMENT! THIS IS ALL A BIG, FAT LIE!" Her conscience yelled at her, making her feel incredibly guilty about her next words.

"We fell in love…"

She mentally slapped herself… She mentally beat herself up and screamed "WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!?" But nothing reached the surface… The crowd was cheering wildly again and she knew that if she wanted to get through this… She had to bury her feelings and follow orders.

It's all about aim…

First, you have to figure out where you want to hit the target. Then, you need to figure out which angle it'll be best you shoot from. Finally, you take aim. Most people find it easier to hit their target if they take deep breaths and basically just focus on breathing. This was no different for Hel.

She shot…

"BUMP" The dart hit right in the center of the board, just as she had aimed for. Someone had put a dartboard in her dressing-room while she had been on stage humiliating herself. Why; she didn't know, but she wasn't complaining. She had picked one up out of curiosity and thrown it at the board just to try it out. It wasn't all that bad. She could see why Bucky always talked about this and for some reason it helped a little with her anger and frustration. She threw another one…

This was fun, but it kinda needed something. Her gaze caught a poster for the American Dream show as the gears in her head started turning. Why not?

Five minutes later, she settled down in a chair with the rest of the darts. And there she sat; angrily throwing darts at a picture of her own face, while she waited for Bucky to turn up.

She had already thrown and collected about thirty darts when he finally showed.

"Theew! Your security is tough; they almost didn't let me in! It's a good thing I'm such a smooth talker or I have the feeling your guards would have thrown me in some dumpster long ago" He laughed, but Hel didn't pay much attention; she just focused on throwing the darts.

"Hey… are you okay? You seem a little mopy" He asked her with a soft smile playing on his lips. She nodded, but didn't respond further. It wasn't until Bucky turned around to see where she was throwing her darts that a ghost of a worried look started showing faintly in his eyes. He decided to ignore the dartboard and Hel's hatred to herself for once and decided to focus on American Dream instead.

"So… Great show, huh?" He smirked. His words finally caught her attention.

"Don't even…" Hel sighed.

"I'm sorry" She whispered.

Bucky pulled out a chair and sat down next to her.

"Why?" He took the remaining darts out of her hand and laid them on the make-up table beside them.

"The show is…" He paused for lack of words.

"Hilarious" He then continued after a while.

"Yeah" She answered.

"Not to mention lame, embarrassing, humiliating…" Hel would have continued, but Bucky cut her off.

"Exactly" He interrupted.

"That's exactly what people need with this war going on; something to laugh about! You make a lot of people smile and that's a good thing." As he said this, he got up, walked over to the dartboard and picked the American Dream poster off.

"Even if it's at the cost of your best friend?" She tried, suspicious.

Bucky just laughed.

"Steve can handle it… That doesn't mean he won't freak when he find out though. I can't wait to tell him" A sudden mischievous smirk appeared on his face as he said that.

"I'm meeting him tonight, wanna come?" Hel's eyes widened in fear at the question.

"Me!? Meet the man I tell people I'm married to behind his back!? Hell no! Besides… You're not allowed to tell people you know about me" Bucky sat himself down in the chair again.

"Listen Hel, you're my sister. He's my best friend. You have to meet each other eventually." He felt strongly about this, that much was obvious, but if he introduced her to Steve that would be breaking the law. And meeting him while she was doing… This! That would be far too embarrassing.

"Of course I'll have to meet him eventually, but I would prefer to do it when this is all over"

He looked disappointed, but she knew that he understood. He nodded in agreement and got up from the chair again.

"Okay… That's your choice Hel. I know I haven't been here for long, but Steve is waiting for me at the bar, so if you change your mind"

"I'll know where to find you" She confirmed.

"Hey, cheer up sis; life isn't that bad" She simply smiled in reply.

As soon as he was gone, Hel picked up the darts again and resumed throwing them at the board. Her aim wasn't that bad; maybe she would hang another American Dream picture up later.

Steve thought a long time about what he just had read. Bucky had obviously wanted to tell him about Hel and Hel obviously hadn't wanted him to. He couldn't help but find it a little strange that this girl had agreed to all of Howard's crazy ideas when she clearly hadn't wanted to. On one side she had agreed to be loyal to the Americans, but this shouldn't count. This was dressing up in short skirts and letting all of the soldiers practically drool over her. Steve knew what he was talking about; being a Captain at that time he had seen more than one of her pictures hanging in the barracks. Of course all of this explained Bucky's weird behavior. Normally, he would have joked around about her being his supposed wife a little more and most likely have a picture hanging of her some place also, because Steve was not going to deny it. If Hel was the same American Dream he remembered from the posters; she was a very, VERY attractive woman. Probably why they had chosen her to play his wife; a superhero needs a super wife, but Steve remembered hating her even more for being as beautiful as she was. Beauty leads to vanity, and he refused to see himself married to one of the snobs who rudely turned him down before operation rebirth. Which is why he had loved Peggy as much as he had; she had actually wanted to talk to him while he had been un-attractive. Bucky had liked Peggy too. Well… For some reason it had always felt like he had disapproved of him dating her. Maybe he didn't think she was good enough for his best friend? Bucky had always been this picky when it came to girls that Steve had to ask out, never when it came to himself. He had usually when setting up one of his famous double blind dates, told Steve to take "the good one" and usually none of them had been good enough in the end. Ignoring Steve and circling around Bucky like pretty little vultures in expensive dresses. Bucky never could say no to a pretty face. American Dream however, he didn't even want to look at. Steve regretted now that he hadn't asked Bucky about his weird behavior when other men talked about her in inappropriate ways. Bucky knew very well that he would have understood the situation if someone would have taken the time to explain it to him. Because right now, now that he knew and understood Hel's working situation; he didn't feel mad at all and Steve didn't think he ever could be again.

Suddenly he felt a strange sensation in his stomach. Was that excitement? It had been a long time since he had ever felt excited about something. He wanted to meet Bucky's secret sister. He wanted to look her in the eyes and tell her that he understood and that she shouldn't feel bad about what she had done. Once though… A long, long time ago; he had been mad at her for lying on stage like she had done. He actually remembered hating her a little bit and now it pained him to know that Bucky had let him feel that way. It had been Bucky who had told him about American Dream fully knowing he would freak out about it. At the time, Steve had just thought he was being mischievous like he usually had been, but now he wondered. What if Bucky had told Steve because a part of him hoped that it would have made him storm up and demand to meet this girl? What if Bucky had hoped that he had done something to find out who she was? Steve knew better than anyone, how much Bucky had hated to lie and this lie couldn't exactly have been easy.

He tried to push the thoughts of a miserable Bucky out of his head. They weren't helping at all. The memory however proved to be too strong and Steve couldn't stop the flashback.

They were late…

Steve sat at the bar, drink in hand waiting for Bucky and the howling commandos to show up. He wondered what took them so long; it wasn't like them to be late and the few times they had been, it hadn't been half an hour.

As he waited for his friends to show up, he looked around the room, analyzing everyone's every move. Two men were sitting in a booth laughing. One of the men made a motion with his hands at his chest as if indicating that the woman they probably were talking about had big breasts. Steve didn't care for gossip like that; though it was a very common subject with the howling commandos. He understood why it was so appealing to pick a woman for her beauty and figure, but every woman Steve had ever met with all the appealing qualities like that had been less than kind and actually pretty mean. He was tired of beautiful women; all they ever brought was trouble. Beauty was one thing, personality another. Steve had decided long ago that if he ever fell in love, it was for her beauty within and not on the outside. That might sound like worn out pickup line or any romantic movie ever made, but to him it was true. Of course he had already met a woman with all the qualities he wanted and she happened to be beautiful too. He had never been in love before, but he was pretty sure that he had fallen hook line and sinker for Peggy Carter. She was brave, kind, smart, independent and…

Beautiful… She was so beautiful; Steve found it hard to believe that she could be everything. He was pretty sure she liked him too, though you could never know with women. They were the most confusing creatures on earth. One moment they like you, the next they're shooting at you for misunderstanding the situation. That woman who had kissed him against his will… He wondered why she had done it. She had seemed upset, like she had done it to prove something to someone. Or maybe in spite of someone?

Again; women were confusing.

"Refill?" The bartender asked him when he saw Steve's empty glass.

"Sure" He handed the bartender his glass and less than a minute later, he had a full glass in his hand once again.

"Be careful, this liquor is strong." He warned the super soldier.

"Thanks, I'll watch out." Not that it mattered. The super soldier serum in his body had made it impossible for him to get drunk. He didn't miss it or anything, he just… He just felt that it made him less human than what he had been before.

He presumed analyzing the room. A man was sitting alone with his gaze buried in his drink. He looked heartbroken as if had lost someone or missed someone. Steve wondered who he had lost. Maybe his brother was a fallen soldier, or maybe his girlfriend had broken up with him? He felt empathy for the man; Steve himself had lost his parents in horrible ways. His father had died by mustard gas doing the First World War. He still remembered how he had learned what exactly mustard gas did to you. He had gone in to a six-month long depression just to learn that his dad had suffered a long, painful and absolutely horrible death. It wasn't long ago since his mom died. She had caught a horrible decease and died shortly after. He had really depended on Bucky in the months that had followed. He had once again fallen into a horrible depression with suicidal thoughts and extreme angst. If it hadn't been for Bucky, Steve wasn't sure he'd be sane or maybe even alive today. He owed Bucky his life, and he would forever be grateful for his crazy mischievous friend.

"Hey Steve, sorry for the delay. Kinda got caught up in something, but wait til' you hear this; you're gonna love it." Talk about the sun at it shall appear. Bucky sat down next to Steve and ordered a drink.

"So what was so important that you kept me waiting?" Steve smiled at his best friend who answered with a very mischievous grin.

"Oh, you're gonna LOVE this… You know they've tried to replace the Captain America that sold war bonds?" This was worrying to see Bucky smile like that.

"Yeah? I also know it's been impossible and that every attempt has failed horribly so far." Steve tried to brush the worried feeling off.

"Or so you think. They're newest attempt was a huge hit; they've finally replaced you for something better."

"Something better?" Steve found it hard to believe that something could be better than the original. Not that he was narcissistic, but a copy of something was rarely better than the original.

"Yeah, I just got back from the show and it was amazing. The show was brilliantly coordinated and the acting was so believable that if I hadn't known you I would have believed everything they said on stage." Bucky smiled widely.

"Okay, you win; you got me curious." Steve was nervous; what kind of lies had they come up with now? He had the feeling that he wasn't gonna like this.

"Okay, so you know that they have tried replacing you with different things like a Captain America dog and things like that right?"

"Yeah?"

"Now they've finally got a brilliant idea which they should have thought of a long time ago" Bucky took a sip of his drink probably to create a dramatic effect with the painful silence.

"So what did they come up with?" Steve almost couldn't stand this; one thing was that he knew this was gonna taint his reputation. Another was that he had no idea how much.

"It's actually pretty simple… They took the design of Captain America and made into a woman" Steve arched a questioning eyebrow.

"A female Captain America? That's not so bad." He calmed down and took a sip of his drink. As he was drinking, Bucky continued.

"That's not the hilarious part. The great part is that she's your wife…"

Steve choked in his drink. He started coughing and found it hard to breathe.

"What!?" He coughed again.

Bucky started laughing loudly and mischievously while Steve struggled to get his cough under control. As on cue, the rest of the howling commandos entered the bar and sat down next to him and Bucky.

"Hey Cap, what's wrong? You look like you got your drink down the wrong way."

Bucky was still laughing uncontrollably.

"I did"

They all looked questioning at Bucky.

"What happened?" Steve didn't answer.

"I…" Bucky tried and failed.

"Your reaction…" He continued.

"PRICELESS" He couldn't stop laughing at all. It was getting a bit annoying.

"Oh…" One of the howling commandos said.

"You told him about American Dream?" Steve almost choked again.

"American Dream?"

"Yeah, your super-hot wife? You know the one you saved from a burning Nazi-building?"

"Saved from a what?" Bucky fell under again.

"Yeah, the one with the singing voice of an angel with star spangled wings." Another laughed.

"Here, I got her autograph, even her handwriting is beautiful." He handed Steve a picture of a beautiful blond woman wearing a star spangled dress. Her autograph said: Follow your dreams, just like I did; American Dream.

"Cute, isn't it? If you ask me, she doesn't write her own lines." He took the photograph back from Steve.

"So how did you guys ACTUALLY meet?" He joked, making Steve grimace.

Bucky had finally gotten a hold of himself and stopped laughing.

"Rumor is that they've been friends since childhood and that the Nazi story is to intrigue more buyers." He said, still half laughing.

"They don't need a story like that to attract buyers. Her face, her voice, and her body do that for her" Strangely enough did Bucky not answer or laugh at that comment.

"But it would be great if she learned some more songs. The Captain America song and Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy is getting a bit old" Bucky had stopped laughing and he didn't talk anymore.

"Uhh, I know a song it would be fun if she sang!"

"And what song is that?"

"Hitler has only got one ball!" Everyone started laughing. Steve and Bucky even chuckled a bit and the howling commandos started singing.

"The other is in the Albert hall

His mother,

The dirty bugger

Cut it off when he was small"

The happy mood everyone was in made Steve happy. He looked at Bucky, he didn't look happy at all. He did, but only because Steve was his best friend could he see that it was a mask. Bucky was hiding something from Steve, something that bothered him a lot. Bucky started singing along to the song and Steve joined in.

"Hitler has only got one ball.

Hess has got no balls at all

Himmler had something similar

But poor old Goebbals

Had no balls at all"

A/N: So what did you guys think about this chapter? Leave a review, I love them so much :D


	16. Bad dreams

A/N:

This chapter was originally a part of chapter 15, but I thought it would be better to end it where I did. So here is what happened with Hel later that same night.

Hot….

Burning...

Everything was burning…

It hurt, it hurt so much.

Hel was standing in a room surrounded by fire. The smoke burned her eyes and she couldn't see. She couldn't think straight and she couldn't feel. Nothing existed anymore, nothing but pain.

She screamed as the red, white and orange flames licked her skin with their fiery tongues. She fell to her knees in pain, indescribable pain. The only thing she registered besides the pain was the deafening sound of a laugh.

His laugh… Mocking her, torturing her as it grew louder and louder. And the flames grew larger and larger, hotter and hotter.

"WHAT HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE THIS!?" She screamed in pain.

"WHY!?" She screamed over and over again to drown out the sound of his laugh.

"WHY!?"

"WHY!?"

"WHY!?"

She began to cry, but her tears started boiling in the heat and burned marks in her skin as they rolled down her cheeks.

Suddenly she couldn't speak anymore.

Her tongue burned with a painful liquid that rolled down her throat, drowning her. She was couldn't breathe, she couldn't speak, she couldn't scream. Scream for help. The liquid bubbled out of her mouth and burned the skin around her mouth and on her neck on its way down.

Suddenly he emerged from the fire.

Eyes as sharp and merciless like daggers, cutting her eyes like were they nothing but butter.

Posture as if he was a wolf and she the helpless animal about to be slaughtered.

Skin as red as the flames burning her alive; as red as the blood oozing out of her open wounds. The fire did not touch him, didn't even hurt him as he approached her.

She tried to cower back, but she was too wounded to move. He reached out with his gloved hands. In the delusion of her pain they appeared to have claws as long and as sharp as kitchen knives. She gasped out a small scream as they closed around her neck.

He lifted her up in the air by the throat as he stared into her soul with his red devil eyes.

She screamed a high pitched scream as he held her over the flames and with one big swing threw her lifeless body to the ground again.

She was lying helpless on the burning coals, too weak to move, too weak to scream in pain, too weak to even feel the pain anymore.

Fear…

She was so afraid.

Afraid of the man bend over her with a boot on her stomach, pushing her further down in the coal and in the flames.

Afraid of the flames, burning her skin away and making it curl together like a candy wrapper.

Afraid of the pain and most of all…

Afraid of death…

Hel woke abruptly from her nightmare, in a pool of her own sweat.

Her powers had activated so her hands were surrounded by small green flames. It wasn't the first time she had had that nightmare. She had it every now and then, when her fear of Hydra grew too strong.

She looked around the room. There was a giant scorch mark on the wall in front of her. In a sudden moment of shock she feared that her dream had been real, but then she remembered that her hands were on fire because of her unexplainable powers. She must have scorched her room in her sleep. Bucky was not going to be pleased. How was she supposed to explain this to him?

She began to cry.

Why did her life have to be this complicated? Why did she have to have these stupid powers? She didn't ask for this life, yet she drew the short end.

Suddenly Bucky came running.

"I heard screaming, are you okay?"

No… Hel wasn't okay. Her wall was scorched and her hands were still on green fire.

"Hel… You… Your hands!"

She put them out and hid them under the covers.

"I… I'm so sorry Buck; I try to control it I do, but… Sometimes I… Sometimes…" He turned his head and saw the scorched wall and the burned book case.

"Ho… How" He looked confused at her.

She shook her head, crying.

"I… I… don't… I don't…"

"You don't know?" He finished for her.

"Hydra used to inject me with stuff, I… maybe…." She put her hands in her head and started sobbing.

"I'm sorry… I'm so sorry…"

He looked at her confused for a second before he approached her slowly. As if he was unsure of what to do. Of course he was unsure of what to do; his sister had just scorched his bookcase using a fire created only by her skin.

He finally decided to sit down on the bed next to her.

"How long?" He asked softly as he put a hand on her shoulder.

"How long have I been able to do this?" She asked and put her hand on fire again. He looked shocked yet intrigued at the green flames for a while before nodding his head softly.

"Since I was seventeen" She sighed and put out the flame again. He didn't answer. He just looked sympathetically at her.

"I'll replace the books… And the wall" She finally broke the silence.

"I'm sor…"

"Don't be" He cut her off.

"Why didn't you tell me about this?" He sounded hurt. Not angry, but hurt.

"I didn't want you to see me anymore as a freak as you already did." Again, he looked hurt.

"I don't think you're a freak… I never did." Silence filled the room once more. Hel noticed that Bucky looked worried.

"You're the only one who knows" Tears fell down her cheeks as she said this.

"I did my best to keep it a secret from Hydra"

He looked at her with sad eyes, yet he did his best to pull a smile.

"I'm glad…."

She smiled back. Why wasn't he repulsed? It was bad enough that she was an old member of Hydra, but that she was inhuman too. Where did the line go with this man?

"Any more secrets you care to tell me about?" He asked half joking, but Hel knew that he meant it. She trusted Bucky; maybe she should tell him. It was the least she could do. He trusted her with his problems so why would she keep secrets from him? She decided to do it. She was going to do it.

"I… I can shape-shift into animals…" She did it. He just looked at her.

"Ha Ha, very funny" He answered sarcastically. Of course he didn't believe her.

"I… I'm actually not kidding, if you can believe it. I can shape-shift into a snake, a cat, a spider and a raven…" She wasn't comfortable with telling Bucky all of this, but she had made up her mind. Never again would she keep a secret from Bucky.

"You… You're not kidding?" He looked very confused.

She sighed…

"No… Watch" She gathered her energy to shape shift into a cat. She thought that shape shifting into anything creepy like spiders snakes and birds would just creep him more out. So she decided on the only cute and cuddly animal she could do. She stayed in her black cat form for a total of five seconds before shifting back into a human.

Bucky was shocked as she had expected. He was gaping and he was completely speechless. The mischievous part of Hel wanted to smile at the sight, but the bigger part of her was worried telling him this might have been stretching it too far. She was about to find out just how far Bucky's line went.

"Wow! You've always been able to do that? I should have noticed" He said amazed.

"How would you know? I haven't done it since I left Hydra."

He started smiling.

"Now that I know that… Why did you do this little show, tonight of all nights?" That was a very good question; one Hel had completely forgotten to ask herself.

"I'm not sure, but… I think… I THINK it has something to do with the nightmare I had." He raised a questioning eyebrow.

"The nightmare you had? So that's why you were screaming." He looked relieved to know the truth; Hel was finally opening up. Something Bucky had tried to make her do many times.

"What was it about?"

What was it about? Honestly she had a feeling that it was about her execution. So that's what she decided to tell Bucky.

"Remember the day you found me wounded on the beach?" This resulted in Bucky getting startled.

"Yeah? How could I ever forget? Your mouth was covered in a layer of silver." He looked at her with a mixture of confusion and curiousness.

"Ever wondered how I ended up on that beach with silver in my mouth?" A light ignited in Bucky's eyes.

"Every day" He looked intense as if he was waiting to finally getting his answer.

"A few days prior, I passed out in a Norwegian church for some reason. When I woke my father had carried me back to the Hydra ship." She took a deep breath; she was not looking forward to reliving this moment.

"I remember waking up in a dark room… Tied to one of those torture benches. They are kinda…"

"I know what they're like" He interrupted. She had almost forgotten that Hydra had captured and tortured him once. She looked apologetic at him.

"Sorry for the interruption, carry on" She still looked at him.

"Are you gonna be okay?" She asked him.

"I know that Hydra…" Again, Bucky interrupted.

"I'm fine, this isn't about me. You can worry about that later; carry on" He looked worried and sad.

"Fine" She sighed and carried on.

"When the lights were turned on; the first face I saw belonged to my father. I know you told me you have nightmares about his ugly red face too." He smiled a little at this.

"Yeah, I understand your fear of that." Bucky had told him that when Captain America had saved him out of the building, he had gotten a glimpse of what her father had become.

"The second face I saw didn't come as a shocker either… It was… I never told you this because… I don't know why I never told you this… I just… I just want to forget, I guess…" She started crying at the memory of Loke. How could he have betrayed her like that? He had been her only friend and then suddenly he had decided to kill her. Why? She just didn't understand. The sobs began again and it surprised Bucky.

"Whoa… Hel, calm down. Everything is okay" He threw his arm around her in an embrace.

"No… It's not okay… It's as far from okay as anything can be…" She felt embarrassed to confuse Bucky this way, but she just couldn't help it. She had trusted him, she had loved him. He had been the only one ever kind to her. And then he had just taken that trust and thrown it out of the window.

"I… Red Skull has another… I have a…. I used to have a… I once had a brother…" She stammered in fear.

"You… You have another brother?" He asked. His face showed pure confusion and hurt; how could she have kept this from him? Honestly when she had met Bucky she just wanted to focus on him and being his sister, rather than hold on to the horrible memories of a neglecting son of a bitch brother with no morale what so ever. So she had tried to forget him and had almost succeeded, until tonight where the nightmare and Bucky's question had woken the memory up again.

"I didn't say I HAVE; I said I HAD…" She corrected him.

"So what; He died?"

"Kind of, but not really. He's more dead to me than actually dead." She sniffed in response. She didn't know how to tell him what happened with Loke, so she took it one tiny step at a time.

"Loke was always there for me…" She continued carefully.

"Whenever my father would torture me or hit me or push me, he would always pick me up and help me tend the wounds. It's kinda funny actually; the only kindness I knew was the one showed to me by my older brother" She laughed sarcastically through her sobs. Bucky listened intensely to her story, not cracking a smile or, trying to be funny; he just looked at her with a stern look in his eyes.

"When I was strapped to the chair, I knew exactly what was going on at first. My father would want to punish me again for something I apparently had done wrong, but then I saw the kettle full of melted silver. I looked over at Loke for help; he always used to help me in situations like this, but… This time he just stood there. My father started talking about how I had been a great asset to Hydra, but know I was no longer needed or something like that. I still remember begging my brother for help to no use. I started panicking when my father came closer with the kettle and I never stopped begging for help. Then he said something to me… Something I don't quite understand…" Hel full on cried now and no matter how much she tried, she couldn't carry on the story. Bucky got all worked up about it and pulled her in for a hug.

"Shhh… It's okay Hel, take it slowly; what did he say?" She had to pull it together… For Bucky…

"What makes you think that I EVER loved you Hel?" She sobbed, recalling what he had said to her.

"You're just the third wheel" She continued with great difficulty.

"You're just the person I had to drag along because it was expected of me" This proved to be harder than she thought; as she said this, she curled up into a little ball and cried even harder.

"I have never liked you… In fact" She was full on crying now and the last words she had to force out between heavy sobs.

"I hate you" She was crying so heavily that she couldn't breathe at all. She hadn't wanted to stir up these memories; she had just wanted to forget.

"When my father started pouring the melted silver down my throat, Loke turned his back on me and left." She cried.

"The pain… It hurt so much… Never have I ever felt pain until that day with melted silver in my mouth… I still remember my father's face… That horrifying face, mocking me… Laughing at me as I screamed in pain… It still haunts me. It haunts me every night, every time I sleep. Every time… Every time I close my eyes. I see my father laughing, I see my brother turning his back on me, betraying me, I feel… I feel the pain of the silver. Every night, I feel the pain of the silver in my mouth, I can't… I can't… I just… I eventually passed out from the pain and woke up on the beach." She finished the story, not bothering telling him about floating in the water for days. Bucky looked like he had seen a ghost. He tried to comfort her, but he was shocked himself and didn't quite know how to go about it.

"Hel… I'm sorry… I'm sorry you had to walk around with this on your own. You should have told me sooner." He said seriously.

"Your brother… "He seemed like he was at a loss for words.

"You should honestly forget all about that douchebag." Hel stopped sobbing, though tears were still streaming from her eyes.

"You may not know this Hel, but I'm… I'm kind of the jealous type." She tilted her head in confusion to that.

"I feel that I'm your brother… And this may sound selfish, but I want to be your only brother. That idiot doesn't deserve to be in the same family as you and I don't like seeing you hurt like this. I… I…" The anger Bucky probably had carried since the beginning, finally showed on his face.

"You know what? Screw him! Screw him to HELL do you hear me? All my life I wanted a sister, but never got one. He has one and he treats you like a disposable washcloth! Older brothers are supposed to protect their little sisters; not help guys torture them!" Everything about this day had been about Hel and Hydra. Before the show Bucky had become angry because she had showed him her scars and now he was angry because she had told him about her execution. She wondered if laying all of this information on him all in one day had been too much. It was the fewest people who could understand or even put up with Hydra members, even the normal Nazis had problems with some of the methods used. To lay all of this information on an American like Bucky was even worse. His standards of decency were far beyond anything Hel had ever seen, so all of this Hydra information about torture, execution and super powers. Freaking SUPER POWERS! It may have been far too much for Bucky's decent head to handle.

"Bucky, you need to calm down. I'm so…"

"Don't you dare say I'm sorry! You say that far too much and you know it! Or maybe you don't know it, and if that's the case let me tell you that you don't have to apologize for every little thing. That is not how the damn world works! You're a person too Hel. A real damn person like everyone else! You deserve to be treated like one, and I'll be damned if you think those annoying little shits at Hydra is worth a single one of your tears. I'm your brother Hel. I'm your new family! So forget the other one!" None of his words were meant to be offensive to her, but Hel felt a little bit hurt anyway.

"I know…" She simply answered.

"You know?"

"Yes I know and that is why I tried to keep everything a secret from you. It is my burden to bear, not yours" Her kinda British accent returned as it always did when she decided to be completely honest. She didn't think her honesty towards Bucky would weigh the same if she spoke it in a fake accent.

He finally calmed down at her words.

"I didn't mean to hurt you."

"You didn't. I know what you meant and you are completely right. I don't need to waste my tears on those idiots and I don't need to apologize as much as I do. The only reason I do this is because I like you as much as I do. The last thing I want to do is offend you." She said sincerely with a careful smile.

"Believe me Hel; it takes a lot to offend me. I hope you know that now."

Steve would never admit it, but sometimes he cried himself to sleep. It was a secret he was prepared to take with him to the grave. The last thing he wanted was for Stark or any other person to find out. It wasn't just because of the culture shock. He had actually started doing it when the war began. For some reason Steve had started feeling alone ever since his mom died. Everyone had thought him so strong for not once crying in front of them. Even Bucky never found out. That moment when he had been told that his mother had died, Steve had gotten this uneasy feeling as if his troubles were only just beginning. Sure enough, every event since then had only been the beginning of his own personal hell. It wasn't like he hadn't tried to ignore this feeling, but it was getting pretty hard to ignore with all that had happened recently. It had begun with a second world war, and then it had continued with the death of Doctor Erskine, the humiliation of standing on a stage with dance girls singing about him, Bucky's death, losing Peggy and everything he knew in a plane crash, then the attack on New York by a psychopathic alien and now this… He had no idea how to feel about this Hel. She seemed like a pretty confused girl, but all in all a good person with a mind just as troubled as his. He wondered how she would react to the 21st century. He'd like to believe that she was the same person like the one he was reading about in the diary lying on his nightstand, but he was afraid of what might happen if it was all a lie. If she on purpose had written the book to make the reader believe that she was one of the good guys. Of course if that was the case; could she have been able to write Bucky that perfectly? And would Bucky even keep something this big from him? He honestly had no idea anymore. Steve and Bucky used to tell each other everything; now Steve was about to find out that Bucky might have had a sister he had chosen not to tell him about. To get back to the point; ever since Steve had woken up in 2011, he had felt desperately alone. As if he was locked up inside a prison of pain. He always felt cold and alone. He was the sole survivor of a horrible disaster called time. And he hadn't even realized this cold hand of death grasping around him; not until he had heard a knock on the cell door. He may never have met this girl, but he still felt closer to her than he did with anyone else. As much as Tony, Thor, Bruce and the others wanted to be his friends there was still something missing. He couldn't describe it as anything else, but that they lacked the same life experience. So many people had tried to pretend like they knew how he felt, but without any result. This girl actually knew how he felt; he only hoped she was one of the good guys.

Steve got up from his bed and headed for the bathroom. He had just woken up from yet another nightmare. This one had been particularly cruel. It was still burning on the inside of his skull:

"I have something to tell you" Peggy said dreamily as they swirled around on the dance floor. Her shiny hazel brown curls flew around her head in playful motions to the beat of the music. Steve who for some reason suddenly knew how to dance flashed a bright smile at her.

"What?" He spoke softly almost as if he was afraid to scare her away with a loud voice. She didn't answer for a while, so he just listened to the music in the background, focusing on the lyrics.

"I'll be with you in apple blossom time,

I'll be with you to change your name to mine.

One day in May

I'll come and say:

"Happy the bride the sun shines on today!"

What a wonderful wedding there will be,

What a wonderful day for you and me!

You will be mine

in apple blossom time."

He was thinking that he'd like to marry Peggy one day too and then they'll be the couple in the song.

"Steve" She whispered tenderly as if she found great pleasure in just saying his name.

Steve turned on the cold water and stepped inside the shower, the memory of the dream made him shake uncontrollably.

"Yes?" The song ended, but they kept dancing; who needed music right?

"I think I'm in…" She paused for a moment overwhelmed by happiness and love.

Tears started streaming down his face, mixing with the ice cold water.

"Think I'm in love with you Steve." Another song started playing around them, this time sung by Frank Sinatra.

Steve tried to change the temperature of the water, but it was impossible for him to make the water any colder.

"Oh Peggy… I love you t…"

"STEVE!"

Before he could finish the most important sentence of his life, the voice of Bucky screaming for help interrupted him. To his huge surprise he heard that the voice had come from Peggy. All of a sudden the music changed from smooth jazz to 21st century heavy metal.

"Help us Steve!" Peggy spoke with both her own and Bucky's voice at the same time.

"How could you have let us go? You abandoned us! How could you!?"

"I'm SORRY!" Steve screamed helplessly.

"I didn't mean to I…"

"NO!" Peggy screamed.

"It's too late for apologies Steve, because of you the rest of us were forced to BURN!" Steve was still holding her hand when her face started to melt off.

"NO! PEGGY, PLEASE!"

"YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO ASK ME FOR ANYTHING! YOU LOWLY COWARD!" Skin was dripping from and in her mouth as she spat the words at him like bullets.

"I TOLD YOU WE COULD FIND ANOTHER WAY! BUT NO! THAT WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU WAS IT!? YOU RUINED MY LIFE AND FOR WHAT!? SUICIDAL THOUGHTS OVER LOOSING YOU BEST FRIEND!? OR WERE YOU JUST TOO BIG A COWARD TO HANDLE IT LIKE A MAN!?" Her voice didn't sound like Peggy's anymore. It sounded more like the static white noise from a radio.

"NOT TO MENTION ME! HAVE YOU COMPLETLEY FORGOTTEN ABOUT ME!?" The melting face of Bucky screamed behind him and punched him to the floor.

"HOW COULD YOU HAVE LET ME DIE!? HOW DO YOU LIVE WITH YOURSELF KNOWING THAT YOU KILLED YOUR BEST FRIEND!? HOW CAN YOU EVEN LOOK AT YOURSELF IN THE MIRROR!?" Steve didn't fight back as the "other" Bucky kicked and punched and beat the hell out of him while the "other" Peggy laughed.

"I'm so sorry." He chanted over and over again as he felt the pain of being beaten by Bucky and the laugh of Peggy that screeched like nails on a chalkboard.

"I'm so so sorry…"

Steve turned off the water in the shower and got out. He reached for a towel, but was fresh out. That's what happens when you have fifty nightmares in a row. He thought to himself displeased before reaching down in the laundry basket and finding a dry somewhat clean towel. What the hell was wrong with him? Since when did men cry from nightmares!? Well, it wasn't sobbing, but tears did stream regularly down his cheeks when he woke up sometimes.

One night… That's all he wished for… Just ONE night of prober sleep, without any nightmares or amnesia or whatever kind of traumas the S.H.I.E.L.D psychologist said he was suffering from. Was that too much to damn ask for? Apparently it was.

Steve headed for his closet and found a white t-shirt to wear with a pair of simple black pants. He finished the look with his usual leather jacket. He didn't care to stop in front of the mirror to check how it looked. It should be fine; and besides… After what had happened in his nightmare this time, he found it hard to look at himself in the mirror for some reason. He slammed the front door and locked it behind him. It was a brand new day.

Time to put on a smile and be strong.

A/N: Yeah…

I know that the nightmares might have been lame, but I'm doing my best, okay guys? ;)


	17. The first funeral

**Authors note: I know it has all been kinda depressing chapters so far, but that's gonna change at some point… Here is another sad chapter though; brace yourselves! **

**P.S: I know I'm using a lot of song lyrics and poems I find different places; just let me know if that's annoying.**

**Enjoy:**

Black…

Everything about this day was completely and utterly black…

The afternoon sky was covered by heavy, grey rainclouds that spilled its cold water down on everything it could touch. They had turned the ground into a field of thick, black mud pools. It was almost like the sky was crying with her; completely unaware that the gloomy weather made her feel even worse… But how could the rainclouds know that? They just kept releasing the raindrops that landed in a pool nearby and splashed mud on Hel's black shoes. Not that she cared about the shoes… She couldn't care less… She only wore them and the black dress because that's what you did… Wasn't it?... Wear black at a funeral? It was over though and everyone else had gone home some time ago. Hel however, just couldn't bring herself to do that. She looked down at the pit. The casket had been lowered, but it hadn't been covered with dirt yet so she just stood there and had a staring contest with it.

"Why?..." She whispered to the casket with a clearly grief-stricken voice.

"Why did you do this to me?"

She remembered how she had found out about Joshua's death… The memory kept lurking around in her head and no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't shake it away.

She had just finished yet another "American Dream" show and had just stepped off the scene, when Howard had approached her.

"Good job, Helen" He had complimented, smiled and added:"As always"

Because of the American Dream show, the sales on war bonds had gone sky high. She was almost as successful as Captain America had been. (Almost) The children loved her, the men loved her, but there was a large amount of women who couldn't stand her for some reason. (Not at all jealousy) Hel didn't realize it herself, but she was a very attractive young woman. All the men around America were swooning for her. Apparently she was a very pretty blonde. The soldiers stayed away from her though. Everyone thought she was married to Captain America and every soldier knew that they didn't want to mess with him. She had always been amused by that. She had never met Captain America and he probably had no idea who she was and still he was protecting her unaware that he was doing it. She had made a mental note to thank him if she ever met him. She supposed she owed him a favor for making her life a lot easier.

"Thank you Howard" Hel had answered Stark as she had pulled the red gloves off her arms and thrown them to the floor. She had been a little bit out of place that day because she had recognized someone in the crowd. You would think that after six months of being a dance girl you would get used to the attention, but Hel still felt uncomfortable around all of her fans. Right before the show she had been ambushed by a heard of fans wanting her autograph and when she had finally gotten on stage and begun singing, she had recognized a little girl in the crowd. It was the same little girl who unintentionally had helped her get through her stage fright the first time she had performed. That girl must've really liked the show the first time since she could keep watching it.

"Tell me Stark" Hel always dreaded what came next.

"How many journalists are waiting in my dressing-room?" Howard had very often arranged an interview with a journalist after a show, what the poor victims didn't know was that for Hel, the show wasn't over.

"Just one and I expect you know what to tell him?"

"Yeah, yeah" Hel took a Barbie doll position, batted her eyelashes and swirled a hand around in her blond hair.

"I'm afraid that I lie on stage, Steve and I didn't meet quite like we did in my story. I'm terribly sorry to have lied to all of you like that, but when push comes to shove love is all that matters right? And the truth is that Captain Rogers and I are DATING, but we are not MARRIED. We made that story up for the show" She squeaked in a high pitched mock tone.

"Listen Helen, I know you don't like this double lying thing we're doing with the press, but we need to convince the adults that you're a couple too. And so far, these interviews have helped a lot; so put on your best game face, march in there and tell the journalist how you and Steve are childhood friends who realized your feelings for each other because of the war." Howard was obviously getting a little bit tired of Hel's hate for the project; too bad.

"Fine, I'll tell yet another reporter how much I LOVED Steve Rogers, way before anyone else did. I just hope they didn't forget to set up my custom made American Dream dartboard. See you in half an hour" She growled and headed for the dressing rooms.

"Thanks Helen" She heard Stark yell after her.

"I appreciate it"

"You better!" She didn't bother to turn around.

When the interview was over and Hel had settled with her darts, she heard another knock on her door.

"Come in" She twirled the dart in her hand, smiled and added in an inaudible whisper.

"If you dare" It was sort of her little inside joke. She was always in a foul mood after a show, but throwing with a few darts always got her to joke around.

It was Howard who opened the door.

"Hey, what's up Stark?" She threw the last dart at the board and turned to look at him. He looked troubled. His face was all distorted and dreading and he had the most disturbing look of sympathy in his eyes.

"What happened?" She asked. This didn't look good and she had a very bad feeling about this.

"Hel…" He muttered with a broken voice. Damn…. He called her Hel, he never called her Hel. This had to be bad news, really bad news.

"What!? What is it!? What Happened!? Tell me!" He still stood there, frozen on the spot. He was probably too afraid to tell her, or maybe he couldn't bring himself to do it. She got up from her seat to look him in the eye.

"Hel, please sit down you…"

"NO…" She cut him off.

"Something is seriously wrong, and I won't sit down until you tell me" She was worried for him; whatever had happened had stirred him up bad. That's when she saw it. The envelope in his hand… A condolence letter! And it was addressed to her!

She freaked…

"Oh no! No, no, no, no, no…" A thousand thoughts flew through her head all at once, forcing her to sit down on the floor with a solid thump. Howard sat down next to her and laid an arm around her, just like Bucky did whenever she had a panic attack.

Bucky…

Bucky…?

BUCKY!? Was it Bucky!? If it was Bucky she would die, who else could it be!? It had to be Bucky! SHIT! NO! PLEASE! NO! Sirens started ringing in her ears. She couldn't see, she couldn't hear, she couldn't… feel. Everything in her entire soul went black for a minute.

"Oh no… Bucky" She whispered quietly to herself, but Howard heard her. He shook his head.

"No. No Bucky is fine, he's waiting for you at home" Relief washed over her like a tidal wave. She suddenly found herself able to breathe again, but Howard's head kept shaking and his eyes still showed sympathy. If it's not Bucky; then who was it? Who had died? She waited a while for Howard to clear that up for her and after a while he finally opened his mouth slowly to answer.

"Hel…" He took her hand in his turned his head to look only at her and then he said it… Those two little words that made her world crumble.

"It's Joshua…"

That was two weeks ago, and still it haunted her like a reoccurring nightmare. The only man who had ever found her attractive fully knowing about her past. The only man she had ever kissed. The only man she had ever loved…

And now he was gone. Alive one minute, gone the next. Life really was a fragile flame; lost forever if you blew it out. Her friends had tried to comfort her by telling her that he was in heaven now, but Hel didn't really believe in heaven. Well she did in a way, but she didn't believe it was a place humans went after they died. She did however believe in hell. Not as a place you go after you die, with flaming walls and a devil torturing you. She simply believed that this was it. People in this world she was living in now were so corrupt and cruel. No one ever thought about anyone but themselves and even the people who claimed to be the good guys wasn't without skeletons in their closet. Take this war for an example! What was war? Death…

Death and destruction that was all it was. Several countries willing to do everything it took to win. Even if what it took was slaughtering someone for being born in the enemy's country. Many of the soldiers didn't even have a damn choice. And American might as well have killed a German who actually never wanted war, but was forced into the army. And a German could kill an American who also had been summoned against his will. The German leaders might be a bunch of racist sadists with a thirst for world domination, but should that be reason enough for her to agree with the American leaders?

"They claim to be fighting for freedom" She thought to herself. "But I wouldn't call summoning soldiers against their will, freedom"

She liked the Americans, it wasn't that. She just didn't like what the war was turning them into. That's why she tried to stay as neutral as possible. Sure, she would sing on stage to sell war bonds, but it would be against her will. If she met a German soldier trying to kill her one day, she wouldn't try to kill back. No matter how loud the Colonel screamed at her.

Hel had made up her mind; she hated war and she refused to be a part of it more than necessary.

She was thrown out of her thoughts when she felt a warm hand on her shoulder. She should have heard his footsteps, but she guessed she was too upset to care about her surroundings. She turned her head to see Bucky standing beside her with a serious look on his face.

"How are you holding up?" She asked him, causing him to take a step back in startled confusion.

"How am I holding up? This isn't about me" He said with a strong voice, though something told Hel it was all an act to be the strong one for her sake.

"He was your friend too" She turned her head to look at the grave again; not daring to look at Bucky. She wasn't sure that she could handle it if his façade cracked.

"You fought beside each other for a long time; this has everything to do with you" She continued. She knew fully well how much Bucky and Joshua had hated each other, but she also knew that they had never wished each other dead either. He sighed softly and shook his head in grief.

"I'll survive" He paused before adding: "So will you"

Hel tried to pull just a small sad smile, but she couldn't. It was like her mouth was glued together as a frown.

"Yeah I know…"

Bucky reached for her hand and held it for a while before placing something in her palm.

"Here… He would have wanted you to have this… So you'll never forget what you lost in this war." He closed her hand around the object and looked at her with a smile that actually managed to cheer her up just a little bit.

"I'll be waiting for you in the car when you're ready. Take your time okay?" He said before leaving her alone once again. As he was walking away, she opened her hand to look at the object Bucky had given her; it was Joshua's tags. She stared at them for the longest time.

It may sound silly, but watching them lying there; in her hand and not around his strong neck made her feel like she had lost a part of herself. It actually reminded her a lot about a poem she had heard some time ago, she didn't remember where she had heard it actually; she just remembered the words:

Remember the day, I borrowed your new car and dented it?

I thought you'd kill me.

But you didn't.

Remember the day, I vomited strawberry pie all over your new carpet?

I thought you'd hate me.

But you didn't.

Remember that day, I dragged you to the beach, and it really was raining as you said it would?

I thought you'd say "I told you so."

But you didn't.

Remember that day, I flirted with all the guys to make you jealous?

And you really did get jealous?

I thought you'd leave me.

But you didn't

Remember that day, I forgot to tell you that dance was formal wear, and you ended up wearing jeans?

I thought you'd abandon me.

But you didn't.

Yes, there were lots of things you didn't do.

But you put up with me.

Loved me.

Protected me.

There were lots and lots of things I wanted to make up to you, when you returned from the war.

But you didn't.

Hel turned her head towards the sky and closed her eyes, to feel the cold rain drops against her skin.

Love sucked.

So did war.

She looked at the tags with Joshua's name on them. How did Bucky get these? Had he been there when he died? The thought was disturbing. After a while of staring, she closed her fingers around them and turned her hand over to look at her engagement ring. It wasn't anything fancy like the rings you saw in the movies. It was war time and Joshua hadn't had that much money to spend on jewelry. It was a simple ring that served as an engagement and a wedding ring later. It was beautiful to her though.

With trembling hands and soft sobs, she slowly slid it of her finger. For a while she just stood there frozen on the spot, taking in the beauty of the simple ring given to her by the only man she had ever loved.

"Ting, ding, plop" The ring bumped as it jumped a few times off the casket before finally settling down on the wood. Maybe she had dropped it too hard.

"Goodbye" She spoke softly with a grief stricken voice.

"Joshua Williams"

Tears were allowed to flow freely from her eyes as she turned around and headed for the car.

Oh yes… War did indeed suck.

"Steve! Please open the door!" Stark was standing banging on Steve's front door. He hadn't seen him since their unfortunate conversation about the pink iron suit.

"Steve! I'm not going away; you might as well let me in!" Steve wasn't really in the mood for another argument, but he knew that it wouldn't be a good idea to leave their problems unsolved. So with a grumpy mood, he got up from the couch and headed for the door. He might have opened it a bit too roughly.

"What are you doing here Stark?" He asked impatiently. Stark reached in his pocket and took out his cellphone.

"You're not picking up any of my calls" He said in a matter of fact voice.

"Yeah, ever occurred to you that there might be a reason for that?" Steve answered and tried to close the door again. Stark acted quickly and stopped him by blocking the door with his foot.

"Please just give me a chance to apologize." He said pleadingly. Steve sighed deeply.

"Fine"

Ten minutes later they were both sitting on Steve's old couch each with a cup of coffee in their hands. Steve's black as always, Tony's with three spoons of sugar and almost half filled up with milk. Honestly Steve couldn't understand how he could get that sticky mass down. Tony sipped at his coffee before beginning.

"First of all I'm SO sorry Steve! I can't stretch that out too much and I have no idea how to make it up to you! I know I went too far and I didn't…" Steve held up a hand to make him stop talking.

"You shouldn't be sorry. You were right; I don't have a family; I don't have anyone"

"No, no, no! That's not what I meant; I mean, that's what it sounded like, but it came out wrong." Stark stopped for a bit to gather his thoughts. He was sweating.

"I meant that I'm so in love with Pepper that… It's like this… I find it a bit impossible to believe that anyone could ever love someone as much as I love her, and so when I said you don't have it and couldn't possibly understand, I meant that no one has what I have and therefore no one can understand. Wow, I'm making it much worse aren't I?" Poor Stark, he clearly wasn't used to apologize to people. Steve wasn't mad at him though; he was making an effort; that's all that counted to him.

"I understand… Other people feel that way about their girlfriends too you know. It's not exclusive to you" Stark allowed himself to let out a small relieved laugh.

"Yeah, I guess so. I just can't stand the idea of her getting hurt because of what I do for a living you know; so I went a little crazy and didn't think clearly. "Steve started smiling.

"I know; you have what Bucky used to call fairytale love. You're lucky; it's very rare" He told Stark before taking a sip of his coffee.

"Bucky? Wait I know that name from somewhere. He was your best friend, right?" Stark asked.

"Yeah, he was." Steve took another sip of his coffee.

"You know that fairytale love doesn't exist, right? It's just something Hollywood made up to make people watch more movies." Stark told him honestly.

"Yeah I know, Bucky believed in it though; used to say that there was someone out there for everyone." He hadn't talked to anyone about Bucky before. Why he was doing it to Tony now, was beyond his knowledge.

"That I agree with him in. That includes you, you know. You'll find a girlfriend Steve; I'm sure of it" This startled Steve just a little bit.

"I don't really need a girlfriend, and besides; it's not like I'll ever find someone I can share life experience with." He answered, shaking his head.

"Maybe you don't need shared life experience." Stark argued.

"You just need to be attracted to each other"

"That might be true, but so far; every girl you've set me up with have been awful" Steve smiled. Truth was that he was still in love with Peggy. She had been his Pepper Potts; and he didn't want to get over her.

"So, did you propose yet?" He asked to get the subject away from him and his love life.

"No not yet, I'm doing it tonight though. I finished the suit, booked a table at her favorite restaurant and found the perfect ring. So yeah… Everything's ready for a perfect night" He sounded nervous, but who could blame him? This was the most important night of his life.

"Congratulations Stark, you know the second time is the lucky time" Steve smiled.

"It's actually the third time that's the lucky one, but thanks" The first time Tony had tried to propose, Pepper had cancelled on their dinner because of work so he was probably very determined to make tonight work.

Stark's phone started ringing.

"Who is it?" Steve asked when he pulled it out to decline the call.

"Anna-Belle, you know that assistant of mine who has a huge crush on you" Otherwise known to Steve as the woman who almost didn't wear any clothes and had a tattoo of his shield on her neck.

"Not gonna happen" Steve told Stark.

"Seriously…" He continued when Tony just arched an eyebrow.

"Not ever" He finished. Stark just smiled.

"I know, too shallow; I remember." The phone rang again.

"Aren't you gonna take that? It might be important, maybe even about tonight"

"You're right, I should take this." He got up from the couch and headed for the door. He stopped in the entrance though.

"Are… Are we good?" He asked.

"Yeah, we're good." Steve smiled.

"Oh and Stark?" Steve called after Tony when he was on his way down the stairs. He turned to look at him.

"Good luck tonight" This brought a smile to Tony's face. He just nodded in reply. The phone rang again and this time Stark took it.

"Hey Anna-Belle, what's up?"

Steve smiled and closed the door behind him. He couldn't help, but feel a small sting of jealousy. Tony seemed so happy with Pepper.

Steve wanted to have that too. Maybe one day he would.

**A/N: I honestly have no idea how many people are still reading this, so just in case anyone is still with me: thanks for reading this; it means a lot to me that someone actually enjoys my stories ;)**


	18. Home is where the heart is

**A/N: I have been looking so much forward to publish this chapter! I hope you like reading it as much as I loved writing it!**

"Release the hostages now and no harm will come to you!" Steve yelled at yet another villain who wanted to try his luck with defeating one of the Avengers.  
>"You have got to be kidding me!" The "villain" screamed in disgust as he looked over the huge crowd that was gathering around them. The man was standing at the very same place where Steve had first met Loki. That's right; they were in Germany; and a crazy Loki fanatic was trying to copy him by pulling a trick he knew would attract at least one or more of the Avengers.<br>"I manage to keep hundreds of families trapped in a building stuffed with explosives, and SHIELD only sends Captain America and Iron Man!? Do they even care about the people!?" He had clearly hoped for all of the Avengers to show up, but this wannabe should be honored that SHIELD had even sent one. He and Stark had just been in the area for another mission and they had sent them on their way back.  
>"Didn't you hear the Cap? Release those hostages immediately!" Stark yelled behind him. Ever since he had accidentally hurt his feelings, Tony hadn't left Steve's back in any fight. Not that Steve minded, but he knew that it was because of guilt. This was Tony's way of apologizing to him. Steve could have easily handled the first mission in Germany without him; SHIELD had actually thought about assigning him with an IT duo named Fitz-Simmons, because they thought Stark would be too busy, but he had insisted on being the IT guy for the mission and now they were standing, actually on their way home from a surprisingly successful mission. In front of an idiotic man holding hundreds of hostages inside that same idiotic building, where Loki had ripped out the eye of that idiotic German guy. If you haven't noticed by the way Steve was feeling about this, he was very tired and he wanted to go home.<br>"Listen Kid. You have two options. Option one is that you release the hostages and you go quietly with the police, where you'll get arrested and serve your rightful time in prison for wasting my time. The second option is that you find out exactly what Loki felt, when I got my hands on him in the end of the battle of New York." The man didn't seem to flinch at the threat; they never do. Instead he answered calmly.  
>"Tell me Captain, because I've always wondered. That super soldier serum in your body; is it genetic? I mean, do you pass it off to your offspring?" Steve didn't answer; he just stared angrily.<br>"Can you even produce offspring?" He continued; held a little pause then added:  
>"Uhhhhh... I'm sorry, was that too personal?" Stark started snickering behind Steve. He was trying to hold the laugh back, but it was pretty obvious that he was laughing.<br>"I'll take that as option two." Steve sighed coldly before he threw his shield at a car, that it bounced off from and hit a street sign that it bounced off too and hit the man square in the jaw with such power that he flew back in the air and dropped the trigger for the explosives. The remote flew through the air, where Stark caught it and disabled it immediately. He then handed it to a police officer and said:  
>"I think you can handle the rest from here"<br>As Stark headed for the plane, Steve picked up his shield and joined him. When he caught sight of Steve he started laughing again.  
>"Now, what are you laughing at?" He asked him tiredly.<br>"Can you even produce offspring?" Stark laughed imitating the man with a German accent.  
>"Ha ha; very funny." He answered in a humorless tone.<br>"Did he even have a German accent? I don't think he did." Stark just smiled at that comment.  
>"Nope, he was most definitely an American loony, but it sounds funnier with a German accent" He laughed as Steve sighed.<br>"You know it's actually a good question; if you want I could get some SHIELD scientists to find out and…"  
>"Okay, Stark. I'm gonna stop you right there. For the sake of my dignity, please stop" Steve interrupted him.<br>"Relax, Cap, I was only kidding" He defended; even though he obviously was only part kidding. And true enough, Steve would love to know if all of that was true, but he wasn't planning on having children any time soon or... Ever, actually; so why bother?  
>The question though, had raised a wave of emotion within him.<p>

Behind him, the police was arresting the unconscious man while letting the hostages go and beside him, Stark was laughing and talking. All around him were people cheering his name in gratitude. He was surrounded by people who loved him from all sides, he should laugh, he should smile, he knew that people cared for him and he should be happy. Tony, Natasha, Thor, Clint, Bruce even Fury cared about him and he cared about them.  
>So why did he feel so alone? Why did he feel like he was the only person left in the world? Was it because he missed the 40's? No... It wasn't because he missed it. This world worked better, this world wasn't in a world war like the one he had fought. He might miss the people he knew from the 40's, but he didn't miss it.<br>No... He didn't MISS the 40's, he BELONGED there. This was a different world and even though he liked it, he didn't belong in it. Everyone has their place in the world and everyone plays a part in changing the future. He had been ripped out of his part and placed in a world where his part was long over and now he felt misplaced. Sure, they could teach him how this world worked and they could let him fight crimes and do good deeds, but home is where you can be yourself without a filter and he couldn't do that completely when the culture was so much different here.  
>"Congrats on a mission well done" Said Jarvis when they finally got on the plane.<br>"Thanks Jarvis, could you take us home now?" Stark ordered. Steve would love to go home.  
>It was just a matter of knowing where that was.<p>

Life... Such a strange thing... One minute you have it; the next you don't. And once you lose it... You can never get it back. Life is a gift. One you have to cherish and be grateful for. Some people didn't deserve this gift they had been given: Johan Schmidt and Adolf Hitler to take the two that was right on the top of Hel's head. This gift wasn't enough for them; they had to take it away from others to be happy. Others did deserve it and sacrificed it so others may keep theirs. Hel was of course thinking about Joshua; and how he had jumped in front of one of his friends to take the bullet instead. Joshua hadn't deserved to die he had definitely deserved to live, but that was how this cruel world worked. Everything good was wiped out by the bad and usually evil got away with everything it set its mind to.  
>It had been two weeks since Joshua's funeral and Hel was obviously still upset.<br>Bucky had been there when it had happened, he had seen him die, and though he wouldn't admit it Hel knew. She knew that he hadn't been killed by Nazis. He had been killed by Hydra. Why?

Because they knew... They knew she was alive. They knew she had been engaged to Joshua and that's why they had killed him. All that crap about jumping in front of another soldier to take the bullet. That was probably just some bullshit Bucky had pulled to make her feel better about his death.

No... Hydra knew. There was absolutely no proof whatsoever to back up her theory, but somehow she just knew that that was the problem. Or maybe the grief had gone to her head and made her a bit crazy? That's what Howard said. And that's what Bucky said. The only two friends she had, thought she was crazy to think like this. Crazy to worry this much. But how could she not? After all, she was a famous dance girl "married" to Captain America, and it wasn't like a wig, some contact lenses and a change of clothes could change her so much that her own father wouldn't recognize her if he saw her on close hold. This was very likely; since she had already starred in a few movies. Even without the movies to make her famous, she had already performed in a show with the Andrews sisters. Which was fun, but they were so famous that she was sure to be noticed by now. They hadn't even minded her performing "Boogie woogie bugle boy" among other of their greatest hits. She had to admit that some of their songs sounded a little like children songs, but she loved their style. And those three girls were so kind and fun to hang out with that it made her want to sing more of their songs. After that performance together she had already added: "don't sit under the apple tree", "Pennsylvania 6-5000" "Alexander's ragtime band" and "Straighten up and fly right" to the list of songs she just HAD to perform. It had actually been Patty, (one of the sisters) who had insisted about it. They probably didn't mind because they knew that a little competition couldn't possibly ruin their huge name in show business. Especially not after the fame they had gained from "Boogie woogie bugle boy", "Rum and coca cola", and "shoo shoo baby"...  
>She was getting off topic. The important thing was that everyone now knew who she was and that (probably, maybe, absolutely, not necessarily, but of course) meant her father.<br>"Would you stop being so paranoid!? Even if they knew you were still alive, how would they be able to get to you!? You're under the protection of the United States! They can't get inside the country to kill you!" The memory of Bucky's words roamed in her head like an echo.  
>"Tell that to Doctor Erskine!" She had answered angrily.<br>She regretted that now. She knew in her head that she technically had nothing to worry about, but she knew in her heart that she had everything to worry about.  
>Hel was walking on the sidewalk, on her way home from a show, so she was wearing her American Dream dress under the coat she used to cover it up. She stopped when she reached an alley. Those garbage cans looked like they wouldn't mind a little bit of kicking. Or maybe they did; Hel didn't care, she really just needed to get her anger out on something, and her dartboard wasn't here so.<br>She looked around to check if anyone could see her; no one could. Except for a few rats nibbling in the garbage, she was completely alone. That; and a stray alley cat nibbling on one of the rats. Before she knew what had come over her, she was standing there and observing the cat feast on the dead rodent. The sad remains of the rat lay in a pool of its own hair and blood, and the brown cat consuming it, had blood around its mouth too. She watched in disgust as a single drop of rat blood dripped from one of the cat's whiskers. Now, that was an image Hel wouldn't soon forget; disgusting.  
>"You know... That is indescribably gross." The cat lifted its gaze at the sound of Hel's voice and stared right in to her eyes.<br>Yellow met green.  
>Well... She was still wearing those blue contacts to hide from her father, so yellow met blue; actually. The cat was so thin that you could see its ribs and its mouth was covered in rat blood, but beside that it was actually kind of beautiful. It had dark brown fur that reminded her a little bit of Howard's hair. All except for the tip of its tail, the right front paw and the left back paw which was white. And as mentioned before, it had beautiful yellow eyes.<br>"You shouldn't eat rats, you know. It's very unhygienic. You could get all sorts of deceases." She continued. Was she seriously talking with a cat? She was officially losing her mind. She reached for her purse to see if she had any food in it, then she sat down next to it.  
>"I have no idea what cats eat, but here you go." Sometimes after a show, she'll get eatable gifts. She carefully tried to hand the cat the cookie, but when she got near it with her hand, it shied away.<br>"Don't worry. I won't hurt you" She smiled and carefully put the cookie down, next to the gross pile of rat leftovers.  
>"Come on. I just want us to be friends" She reached her hand flat out next to the cookie on the ground. She looked at the cat with a smile and a friendly look. It tilted its head in curiosity, still staring into her eyes. It didn't look friendly, but it didn't look defiant either. It just looked curious. It neared her with slow and careful steps. When it reached the cookie it sniffed it suspiciously.<br>"I don't think it's poisoned" Hel said softly to the cat. It turned its head to look at Hel for a second, but returned its attention to the cookie really fast. Before she knew it, the cat had devoured the whole cookie in a few seconds. When it was finished, it returned its attention to Hel. It looked at her for a second, and then it mewed before curling up in her lap.  
>"You see. I'm not dangerous" She smiled as she carefully stroked the soft, but dirty fur. It started spinning and purring at the touch of her hand. She knew that this was probably too brave, but she still dogged in to her purse and found a tissue. She got very surprised when the cat let her wipe the blood off its mouth; it just leaned in to her touch. It made her wonder whether or not this cat was a stray or if it was actually a house cat.<br>Her question was answered with a little voice startling her.  
>"He likes you" The voice came from behind some of the garbage cans. Someone had been watching her this whole time?<br>"How long have you been here?" She asked into nothingness. She still couldn't see the owner of the voice.  
>"I... I don't know... Bu... But longer than you have been here." A shaky voice answered. Was that a child?<br>"I'm not gonna hurt you either... You don't have to hide like that" She answered the child. The cat mewed as in agreement. Slowly, the kid crawled out of her hiding place behind the trashcans. Out stepped a little adorable girl with long light brown hair and beautiful wolf grey eyes. She tried to smile, but it was forced and Hel could tell that the poor girl was terrified.  
>"Is he your cat?" Hel smiled as she gestured for the girl to sit next to her. The poor child reminded her of the cat, just as dirty and just as skinny.<br>"Ye... Yes... Kinda... Maybe..." The kid stammered nervously.  
>"Maybe..?"<br>"Well... He's a stray cat, but he's my friend." The kid smiled now, and stroked the cat's back. It stayed on Hel's lap, but he rolled over on his back and started purring when the girl touched him.  
>"Well, he's very cute" She told the girl with a smile.<br>"He's not cute; he's a genius" Her answer made Hel chuckle softly.  
>"You know. I think I have a few more cookies left, if you want one?" She asked and handed the girl one of the baked goods. She accepted the gift and thanked politely. Hel felt a little hungry herself, so she took one too and started nibbling on the end.<br>"I'm Helen by the way" She smiled. The child just looked at her for a while, as if considering what to answer.  
>"I'm Anne" She finally said with a still slightly scared, but unforced smile.<br>"Anne... That's a pretty name"  
>"Thanks..." She shook her head and looked at the ground.<br>"Sooo... Why is he a genius?"  
>Anne smiled at this.<br>"Because he's the smartest cat in the world"  
>When Anne smiled, Hel recognized her. She had been the girl in the crowd at the first American Dream show. The one who had helped her get rid of her stage fright. She thought about that for a while before it occurred to her.<br>"Anne?" The girl was covered in dirt; and scratches. She was thin as paper, and she had a huge blue mark on her arm as if someone had gripped around it too hard.  
>"Yeah?"<br>"Where's your parents?" When Hel asked, Anne's eyes grew wide with shock and fear, and she started shaking as if she had just seen a ghost.  
>"W... Wha… Why... D... Do... Yo... You...Wanna... Kn... Know that?" She stammered, completely terrified.<br>"Because then I could walk you guys home" She said carefully while stroking the cat.  
>"They... They... Uhmmm... They don't allow cats at the..." She paused as if ashamed of her next word.<br>"Orphanage..."  
>Orphanage... She was an orphan.<br>"Orphanage... Do they know you're here?" The poor kid looked like someone who had been caught with her hand in the cookie jar. Well... Hel had given her the cookie, so she was allowed to have that, but...  
>Anne bit her lip, threw her gaze to the floor and shook her head slowly.<br>"Okay... Do you want me to follow you home to the orphanage then?" Hel was just trying to be friendly, but the scared reaction her suggestion brought out from the kid, shocked her.  
>"No! Please don't take me back to that awful place! I promise I'll stay out of your way next time; just please don't take me back to that horrible place! They'll punish me for running away. They'll hurt me! They'll hurt me again! PLEASE!" Anne started to back away until her back was pressed against the wall and she couldn't go any further. That was when Hel started noticing her bruises in another light. As mentioned before: Anne had a huge bruise on her arm as if someone had grabbed her too hard. She noticed now that that wasn't the only one she had. She had one on her neck and one on her face. Hel recognized the marks from her own childhood; she had often gotten cuts, scrapes and bruises when her father had hit her. The sight infuriated her so much that it wouldn't have wondered her if steam was blowing out of her ears and nose. How could any person with any sort of dignity bring themselves to hit a child? She knew however that letting this, already horrified kid see her angry probably wasn't a good idea.<br>"They'll hurt you?" The kid relaxed a little and nodded with her gaze stuck to the ground. Hel sensed that she didn't dare look at her right now.  
>"Why?" She knew from experience that Anne wouldn't be able to answer that question, but Hel couldn't help asking. In some weird way, she wasn't asking Anne. She was basically just asking. Why? Why would anyone in their right mind want to hurt someone else? Granted that some people deserved to be hurt, but that was hardcore criminals, not small children.<br>Anne shrugged her shoulders as a way of saying: I don't know. So Hel didn't push it. Silence started to fill the space between the two girls; you could probably have cut the tension with a knife.  
>"You're American Dream, aren't you?" The little girl finally asked with a shaky voice. Hel was very good at reading people, but it was still obvious that she had wanted to ask that question for a long time. Now that she thought Hel could actually ever bring herself to take her back to that place she probably chose to seize the opportunity while she still had it.<br>"Yeah... Yeah, I am" Hel answered with a smile which resulted in Anne looking amazed at her with a sense of wonder in her eyes.  
>"REALLY!?" The frightened kid Hel had talked with just a minute ago was gone. She had been replaced by an excited and amazed little girl with glee shining in her eyes.<br>"Wow, that is so cool! Do you... Never mind, I'm sorry" She stopped herself before she got too excited. She had just told Hel she was an orphan so maybe Anne thought given the circumstances, it would be wrong to ask her American Dream related questions. It was silly of course; Hel got American Dream questions from fans all the time. So why would Anne be any different from them?  
>"No, don't be sorry; ask me. Do I what?" Hel said, hoping the girl would open up to her a little bit, or at least stop being afraid of her if she got to ask her some questions and get her mind off the horrible situation they were in..<br>Anne hesitated for a considerably long time, but in the end, curiosity won over fear and she finished her question with just as much glee as before, but concealed behind shyness.  
>"Do you REALLY know Captain America...? I'm sorry for bothering you with a question like that; I know you're married, but... But you're just so lucky... I mean... I would give anything to meet Captain America, and then I meet you and... You just seem so lucky and... And..."<br>"You find it hard to believe that some people can get so lucky while others are stuck unhappy?" Hel finished the sentence for her.  
>"Yes... Exactly! How did you know?" Anne asked surprised.<br>"Because I know how you feel... All orphans feel like that at some point." Hel answered, staring into space.  
>"You... You're an orphan too...?" Anne looked surprised, but Hel guessed any child would if Captain America's wife practically told them that she was an orphan.<br>"I didn't use to be... But I guess you can kinda say that I am now..." She answered mindlessly, not caring if Anne could hear her or not; not caring if anyone could hear her. Completely lost in the past; pictures of her father torturing her flashing before her eyes.  
>"I didn't use to be an orphan either..." The child suddenly said, startling Hel out of her trance, and forcing her to pay attention.<br>"I had a mom and dad once too..." She continued.  
>"But they were always angry with me... It hurt when they were angry with me... It was my fault really... I could have just stayed in my room and kept quiet like they wanted me to, but I guess I just wasn't like that. One day they had had enough. They couldn't afford me anymore because of the war, they said. So they gave me away... They abandoned me... They... They..." Anne's words were muffled away in Hel's hair when she grabbed her and pulled her in for an embrace. She could feel her little heart thumping very fast in shock which made her loosen her grip on the girl a bit, but Anne didn't try to pull away. Instead she let her tears escape and tightened her own grip on Hel. Soon she was sobbing uncontrollably in Hel's embrace. She probably never had had the opportunity to do all of this, if everything she had told her was true. At this moment, Hel realized the true meaning of kindness. She realized just how Bucky must have felt every time she had broken down, sobbing in his embrace. She didn't feel anger against the people who had done this to the girl; though she was sure it was burning in her heart, it wasn't what mattered right at this very moment. She didn't feel pity for the poor girl; the poor victim of the crime; though all of that would sure to come later with the anger. And she didn't feel annoyance of getting tears and snot all over her dress; though the rat blood from the cat probably would bother her when she had to wash it later. In fact she didn't feel anything but compassion at that very moment. She felt a burning need to take this broken child; and do anything in her power to make her feel better. To make her happy again.<br>"No..." Hel whispered quietly.  
>"No; what?" Anne sobbed.<br>"Well, you asked if I really was married to Captain America... No. No I'm not..."  
>Anne sniffed her last sob up before lifting her head to look at Hel. Her eyes were all red from crying and her face was wet from all the tears.<br>"Really...? Why not...? Doesn't he like you...?" The fear Anne had vibrated with constantly since she met her was almost gone now.  
>Hel let out a soft chuckle at Anne's question.<br>"Hm... I don't know whether he likes me or not. I haven't actually met him before." This didn't really seem to confuse the crying girl as much as she thought.  
>"So he never carried you out of a burning building, or saved you from Nazis...?"<br>"No... You see..." Hel realized she had to tread carefully when explaining her situation to a child.  
>"Captain America... Uhm... Captain America would love to continue doing his show, but... But uhm... That's a bit too hard for him to do right now because he actually IS out, saving girls like me from burning buildings and Nazis."<br>Anne tilted her head in curiosity.  
>"So my friend Howard..."<br>"Howard Stark?" Anne interrupted asking.  
>"Yes. Howard Stark... He asked me to take Captain America's place on stage so girls and boys like you, who love Captain America wouldn't be so disappointed to see him go."<br>Anne nodded in understanding.  
>"But you weren't the first person he asked?"<br>"No... I wasn't, but then again you know that it didn't go very well for the persons he asked before me?"  
>"They tried to BE Captain America, but they weren't, though I loved every single one of them too." Anne confessed. So that's why she had been smiling so wide in the crowd when Hel had seen her at her first show. She couldn't wait to see what Captain America related thing they had come up with this time.<br>"You're different from the others though... You're not Captain America himself, or his dog or anything like that..." Ah yes, that was right. Stark had thought of "Captain Bark" before he had thought of "female counterpart". Sometimes thinking outside the box wasn't such a great idea. Too bad Howard did it all the time.  
>"Everyone loves you... Not just because you're Captain America's wife, though that is the most awesome part, but also because you have the most amazing singing voice and you're... I guess what I mean is that you're nothing like Captain America, but you have everything to do with Captain America...? No that sounds stupid, but..."<br>"I understand..." Hel stopped the girl's rambling.  
>"Thank you"<br>'But I don't see it that way' she added in her head. 'I'm nothing but a liar'.  
>As the conversation carried on, it began to get dark around them, and Hel had begun to feel the hunger arrive.<br>"It's getting dark..." She remarked making Anne afraid once again.  
>"Please don't tell anyone I'm here" She begged.<br>"Well, you can't stay here" She said, mostly to herself. She couldn't let the poor child stay in a cold, dark rat-infested alley, but she couldn't take her back to the orphanage where they mistreated and hurt her either; so there was really only one thing to do... Bucky was gonna get SO mad.  
>Anne started crying; she really didn't want to go back to that horrible place.<br>"How long have you lived in this alley?"  
>"Three days, she sniffed between sobs"<br>"And at the orphanage?"  
>"Three years..."<br>"Three on both huh?" Hel lifted the cat up from her lap and held it with one arm, the other she used to push herself up so that she was standing. Then she stretched it out towards Anne in a gesture to take her hand and come along.  
>"Yeah, I don't like three... Three is long enough... You wanna come home with me?"<br>Oh yes... Bucky was definitely gonna be mad... It was worth it though. To see the surprised, shocked and happy expression in the child's tired face.  
>"You... You want me to come home with you...?" Anne stammered confused.<br>"Yeah, at least until I find out what to do with you. So, do you wanna come? You look cold, hungry and in dire need of a bath. You can bring the cat too if you want. The guy I live with is a soldier so he won't be home in a few weeks, he doesn't need to know anything."  
>Anne looked shocked at her, as if what she was saying was too good to be true.<br>She smiled though... The widest smile Hel had ever seen on her.  
>"Ye... Yes...? Yes...! Thank you... Thank you so much...!" Anne got up and hugged Hel's legs.<br>"Great, come on then... Take my hand; I don't live far from here." She had no idea what to do with the kid. She couldn't stay with her and Bucky forever; Bucky had already done so much for her, she couldn't just take that for granted and just bring permanent guests in to his home, but he might know what to do with Anne. Not many people knew the truth about Bucky's parentage, but Hel was one of the few people who did. This secret might help explain Anne's situation; and it might just have helped Bucky out to know what to do. The next show American Dream was gonna perform was at the army base where Bucky was. She planned on having Howard make sure of that. She had a free spot in her calendar in two weeks; meanwhile she needed to focus all of her attention on the child walking beside her. She made a mental note of calling Howard when she came home, to ask him over first thing in the morning.  
>"Oh yeah, and by the way if I'm gonna have the cat inside my apartment I'd like to know if he has a name" Hel smiled at a beaming Anne.<br>"Of course he has a name! He has the best name; I came up with it myself! A name fit for a genius cat" Anne bragged proudly.  
>"Oh really? A name fit for a clever feline? What's his name then?" Anne smiled proudly, stroked the brown cat and answered.<br>"Tony"

**So what did you guys think of Anne? Please let me know :D **


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